Enkindle

It was a bright afternoon, yet the darkness of her room enveloped her as she sat at the edge of her bed, the weight of the past pressing down like a suffocating blanket.

Hanna had made an abrupt decision to return to her childhood home. As she sat on the bed, memories, both vivid and haunting, flooded her mind, each one a painful reminder of the fractured foundation upon which her family once stood.

She had arrived that morning, and all she had done was sit and stare at the scribbles on the wall from years ago. She didn't know what to do and kept asking herself the same question over and over again. "Was coming here the right decision?"

Though she yearned for a quick escape from this suffocating atmosphere, she reminded herself why she had come back. She needed to revisit her nightmares to start life over again.

Seeing traces of her haunting and unfulfilling past in everything she did, she knew it was time to let go. There was a reason why she couldn't find happiness even after fleeing from this house, and she knew it better than anyone else. The only thing she could successfully do was her reporting job, but recently, she saw the shadows of her past in it too. Unsure if it was because of her five-year relationship that had just ended or if Karma was catching up with her, all she could think of was finding an escape and leaving everything behind—her career, which she had fought hard for in hopes of finding happiness and fulfilment and her five years long relationship, she left everything behind.

Her five-year relationship had been built on convenience and benefits. Deep down, she knew she wasn't capable of giving or receiving love, so she decided to end it and quit her job, uncertain if she could really start over. She felt a bit relieved though, no longer feeling pressure from both society and Jase, her boyfriend. She had compromised a lot in the relationship, feeling a sense of responsibility and pity towards Jase even though she wasn't happy and didn't love him.

She clearly remembered the breakup—the disappointment on Jase's face. She wondered if he was truly disappointed or just sad to lose where some of his income came from. Hanna had developed a system where she gave him thirty percent of her income monthly because of the guilt she felt towards him. She knew Jase had been cheating for the last two years, and she didn't care because she didn't love him but she still felt guilt towards him because she felt he had no other choice but to be trapped with a broken person like her. "What a jerk," she whispered with a smile. She was glad to give him a chance to go to someone who really cared.

Often, she wondered what the real meaning of life was, thinking if it would have been better if she had stayed in this house, enduring the abuse. She snapped back to reality, realising it was evening already, and the sun had set. She got up and went to the living room.

Seated in the living room and staring at the dinner table, she could hear the laughter that once filled the house before that night when everything started tearing apart. It was a cozy evening, and everything felt just right. Mum had served her favourite fried rice with orange juice, something she shared in common with her dad.

"Dad, doesn't Mom just love us so much? She always makes food we like," she recalled saying as if it were yesterday. She didn't realise when tears started rolling down her cheeks. Oh, how she missed those times when her only worries were about eating delicious food. Now, she could care less about what she ate. She sighed, turned her head back, looking around the living room, when that painful memory hit her so hard that it was difficult to keep her eyes open.

It was clear—the day it began to break, the day her family started to tear apart. The vivid memory of being choked almost to death haunted her. How did this happen? Why did her father walk in with an alcohol bottle, drunk to the point of rage? Why did he beat her mom so hard and choke her almost to death? Lost in thought, she jerked back to reality upon hearing a bang on the door.

"Who is it?" she asked, wondering who would visit this place that had been empty for years.

"It's me, Temple. I saw the light on and was wondering who was at home."

"Temple?" she thought to herself, making her way to the front door, peeking through the window before opening it.

"Oh, Hanna? Who would have thought? It's been years since anyone last saw you around here."

She felt uncomfortable and could see how shocked he was.

"It has been a while, Temple. Is there a problem?"

"No, no, I thought someone broke in or something. I mean, no one has been here since Mr. Lee, I mean, your dad died."

"Oh, yeah. I came to fix some things. I'm going to sell the house."

"Oh, why? I mean, it's okay. No one uses it anyway."

She could see the disbelief in his eyes, almost like he was judging her.

"I want to ask, do you know who has been cleaning the front and backyard? I noticed it was clean, and the flowers were well trimmed and watered," she said.

Smiling, he replied, "Well, that would be me. I just wanted it to look warm."

She was speechless. "Thank you."

"My pleasure," he said, turning to leave. As she turned to go back inside, he added, "Welcome home."

She looked at him one last time before closing the door. She stood at the front door, staring at the sitting room and the dining room, and thought to herself, Home? She hadn't heard that word in a while. Could she really call this place home?

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