Deja Vu

She was different...Different than anyone else I've ever crossed my path with.Just like a 'Sea',the depth of which is unknown...The depth that no one can measure. An ideal friend? An ideal daughter? Or an ideal sister? Maybe she was none of them...But she was someone who could destroy everything even herself if it came to her loved ones.She knew how to love but didn't know how to form that into words.

I've never seen a friendship like the one that she offered me and us.If you ask me 'what is friendship to you' then I'll say it's Her and Only Her.If you ask me what is Love to you then it's Her...Not the kind of love between two people who feel romantically connected. This love is different. The love she gave us ,her friends and family is very rare to witness in recent times. Maybe she wasn't that expressive,Maybe she rarely said a I love you but her secret gestures, her noticing everything, figuring out if we're having hard times or not and out of nowhere giving us what we need the most at the right time are what her love looks like,Perhaps this was her love language! .But, Alas! We took her and her selflessness for granted! We failed to understand her love rather kept on complaining to her about herself...'Why are you like this?''You're so heartless!' 'Why are you so cold?''Don't be too rude!' and so on.

We knew she was suffering.We knew that she was stuck in her own maze, captivated inside her very own mind yet we choose to ignore it. We ignored every sign thinking it's nothing new...She's always like that! Why wouldn't we?After all she never really broke down in front of us but,perhaps,if she actually did then what would've been our reaction? Our behavior?Would that be comforting? Or Maybe Judgmental and full of mockery? Maybe something like..."You're completely fine!Why being too much?"Or perhaps we couldn't be able to say anything and this is what she perfectly knew! She knew this that no one would have ever understood her...'She's really unpredictable' this is what we thought but now I think that maybe she was never unpredictable rather too obvious which we failed to notice.

Maybe we're the blind and deaf ones who couldn't hear her inner screams, couldn't see her pleading orbs or her loud cries!

She surely was a Sea...Beautiful and calm yet dangerous in times...But just like not everyone could understand the value of a Sea the same way She was valuable yet wasn't valued by us...

I know I'm a sinner who doesn't deserve any forgiveness! I truly miss you! I wish you're free now, up there, from every pain.

I'm sorry but I'm really grateful for everything that you did...

You'll surely and always be my first and the ultimate love....

I truly love you, Noah...Please,trust me...

But Can you really?

"Noah!Why are you crying, dear?You're again reading a novel?"Asked by a middle aged woman

"Mum see the female lead's name is also Noah!Just like me"Noah replied her mother

"Really? But dear you should sleep now,it's already past midnight!"The woman said

"Okay mum,goodnight!"As Noah said that her mom left the room giving her head a slight pat

'Why it felt so familiar? As if I got a deja Vu!'---Noah

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