Three Clowns, Night Discussion on the Palace of Tremendous Masculinity

EVER SINCE THEN, things had gone out of control. Less than one hundred years after that first incident, there had been a total of seventeen brides who went missing in the Mount Yujun area. Sometimes there’d be a couple of decades of peace, and sometimes two would go missing in the short span of one month. A horrific legend quickly spread of a ghost groom who lived on Mount Yujun, and if a woman caught his eye, he would kidnap her on the road and devour the marriage procession.

Ordinarily, this affair wouldn’t have been reported to the heavens. Although seventeen brides had gone missing, there were thousands more who were perfectly fine. Either way, the girls couldn’t be found, and they couldn’t be protected even if everyone wanted to do so; they could only make do with the status quo. Now there were fewer families willing to marry their daughters into this area, and the locals didn’t dare make a fanfare of their weddings, that was all. But it just so happened that the father of the seventeenth bride was a lord official who doted on his daughter. When he heard of the local legend, he meticulously selected forty valiant and capable military officials to escort the marriage procession of his daughter. But the daughter was spirited off anyway.

This ghost groom had really stirred up the hornet’s nest this time. No one this old lord official sought in the Mortal Realm could do anything about it, so in a fit of outrage, he assembled a group of government friends and conducted a wave of crazed religious services. He even followed the guidance of a great master and opened his stores to feed the poor, among other similar deeds. It was a huge uproar that shook the city, until finally this alerted a few heavenly officials above. Without going to such ends, it was practically impossible for the voices of insignificant mortals to reach the ears of gods in heaven.

“That’s the gist of it,” Xie Lian said.

Since those two still looked very uncooperative, he couldn’t tell if they had actually been listening. If they didn’t listen, he’d have to tell the story again. Nan Feng looked up though, and frowned. “Are there any similarities between the missing brides?”

“There are those who are poor and those who are rich, those who are beautiful and those who are ugly, there are lawful wives and there are concubines. In short: there’s no pattern,” Xie Lian said. “We can’t determine at all what this ghost groom’s preference is.”

Nan Feng mn-ed and picked up his teacup to take a sip, seeming to be thinking now. Fu Yao, on the other hand, never touched the tea Xie Lian had pushed in his direction and had been languidly cleaning his fingers with a white handkerchief this entire time.

He said coolly as he wiped, “Your Highness, how would you know that it must be a ghost groom? This can’t be certain, since no one’s ever seen it before. So how can we know if it’s male or female, if it’s old or young? Aren’t you a little too quick to judge?”

Xie Lian grinned. “This scroll is a summary provided by a civil official from the Palace of Ling Wen. The ghost groom is just the common name for it. However, what you’ve said makes a lot of sense.”

They spoke a bit more, and Xie Lian realized that these two junior martial officials’ reasoning and logic were quite coherent. While they didn’t appear very friendly, they weren’t muddled at all when discussing important matters. Xie Lian felt relieved. Looking out the window, the hour was getting late, so the three left the small shop for the time being. Xie Lian put on his bamboo hat and walked for a bit before abruptly realizing the two behind him weren’t following, so he looked back, puzzled. Turned out, the other two were also watching him in equal bemusement.

Nan Feng asked, “Where are you going?”

“To find some place to settle for the night,” Xie Lian replied. “Fu Yao, why are you rolling your eyes again?”

Nan Feng continued his questions, still puzzled. “Then why are you heading to the wild bushes?”

Xie Lian often camped out in the wild and slept on the streets, and he could lay out a cloth on the ground and spend the night just like that. So naturally, he was ready to find some cave to start a campfire in as he’d always done. But it was with Nan Feng’s reminder that he suddenly realized that Nan Feng and Fu Yao were both martial officials under a martial god; if there were any Nan Yang temples or Xuan Zhen temples around, then they could enter directly, so what need was there to sleep out in the wild?

A short while later, the three found a broken-down Tudi3 shrine in an incredibly inconspicuous little corner that worshipped a round, small, stone Lord of the Soil and Ground. With incense residue and shattered platters, it looked exceedingly desolate. Xie Lian called out a few times. This Lord of the Soil and Ground hadn’t been worshipped or called by anyone for years, so when he suddenly heard the call, he snapped open his eyes and saw three people standing before his shrine. The two on the left and right respectively were both enveloped in a sheen of spiritual light abundant like some nouveau riche, their faces barely visible. The deity jumped in alarm.

His voice trembled. “Do the three heavenly officials have anything to command of this humble one?”

Xie Lian inclined his head. “No commands. I just wanted to ask if there are any local temples that worship either General Nan Yang or General Xuan Zhen?”

The Lord of Soil and Ground didn’t dare to affront him and replied, “Um um um…” Then, in a quick divination with the pinch of his fingers, he answered, “There’s a local town temple about two-and-a-half kilometers from here, and the one worshipped is…is…is the General Nan Yang.”

Xie Lian put his hands together in prayer. “Many thanks.”

However, that Lord of Soil and Ground was blinded by the two balls of spiritual power on both sides of Xie Lian, so he quickly vanished. Xie Lian fumbled out a few coins and placed them in front of the altar shrine, and when he saw there were fallen remnants of burned incense sticks on the ground, he picked them up and relit them. Throughout the entire thing, Fu Yao was rolling his eyes so hard that Xie Lian almost wanted to ask if his eyes were tired.

About two-and-a-half kilometers later, they indeed spotted a local town temple standing fiery red by the roadside. While the temple was small, it had everything. People were going in and out, extraordinarily lively. The three concealed their forms and entered the temple. The one worshipped within the hall was a clay divine statue of the martial god Nan Yang, bedecked in armor with a bow in hand.

When Xie Lian saw this divine statue, he hummed inwardly.

In a small temple in the countryside, the craft and painting of divine statues could be expected to be rough. But on the whole, this statue was still significantly different from Xie Lian’s own impression of Feng Xin.

However, distorted divine statues were something that every heavenly official had long since gotten used to. Never mind that their own mothers wouldn’t recognize them sometimes, there were heavenly officials who didn’t even recognize themselves when they saw their own statues. After all, there weren’t many artisan masters who had actually seen the real forms of the heavenly officials, so the statues were either distorted beautifully or hideously. One could only rely on the posture, spiritual apparatus, attire, and crown to determine which heavenly official it was.

Usually, the more affluent the area, the more the divine statue would please the heavenly official. The more impoverished a place, the worse the taste of the craftsmanship, and the more tragic the sculpture became. To speak of the present, there was only General Xuan Zhen whose divine statues were in a better situation. Why? Because for everyone else, if their statues were ugly, then whatever, leave it be. But when Mu Qing saw that his statues had been hideously sculpted, he would either secretly destroy them and make people start over, or appear in dreams to express his displeasure. This went on for a long time until the grand believers all learned that they had to find an artisan master who could sculpt beautifully!

All the temples of Xuan Zhen were exactly the same as their general: particular and tasteful. But after Fu Yao entered the Temple of Nan Yang, for two whole hours he thoroughly criticized the statue of Nan Yang from head to toe: how the design was deformed, the colors tacky, the craftsmanship crude, the taste bizarre. Xie Lian watched as the blue veins on Nan Feng’s forehead slowly popped out, and thought he best quickly find another topic of conversation.

It just so happened that there was a girl who entered to pray, and she very sincerely knelt. Xie Lian said warmly, “Speaking of, Nan Yang-zhenjun’s main domain is in the southeast. I never imagined you guys would have such a following in the north too.”

When people constructed temples, they were imitating the divine palaces of the Heavenly Realm, and divine statues were reflections of the heavenly officials’ venerable selves. Temples attracted worship and were where believers gathered, becoming an important source of spiritual power for heavenly officials. And due to various reasons—such as geography, history, and customs—people of different regions often worshipped different gods. A heavenly official’s spiritual power would be maximized on their own turf, and this was the main advantage of having a domain. Only to a heavenly official like the Heavenly Emperor, who had believers from all over the world and possessed temples everywhere, was the notion of a main domain meaningless. It was a good thing that the holy temple of Nan Feng’s own general was so popular even outside his main domain. He should have been proud, but judging by his expression, this was very much not the case.

On the side, Fu Yao gave a light smirk. “Yes, yes, he’s deeply loved.”

Xie Lian said, “But I just have a question that I don’t know if…”

“If you’re going to say ‘you don’t know if it’s appropriate,’ then don’t say anything,” Nan Feng interrupted.

No, I was going to say “don’t know if anyone has the answer,” Xie Lian thought.

But he had a feeling that it’d be bad if he said it, so in the end, he decided to change the subject again.

Yet unexpectedly, Fu Yao languidly said, “I know what you want to ask. You must be wondering why there are so many female believers coming to worship?”

That was indeed the question Xie Lian had in mind.

There had always been fewer female believers than male in the martial gods’ stream; only Xie Lian himself was an exception, eight hundred years ago. However, the reason for this exception was very simple, and it was also only two words: good-looking.

He knew very well that it wasn’t because he was distinguished or because he had extraordinary spiritual powers. It was merely due to the fact that his divine statue was good-looking, and his palace temples were handsome too. Practically all of his palace temples were constructed by the royal family, and the highest-skilled experts and artisans of the kingdom were summoned to sculpt the divine statues exactly in accordance with his face. Besides, because of that phrase “Body in the abyss, heart in paradise,” the artisans liked adding flowers to his divine statues and planting seas of flowering trees at his temples. Thus, at the time, he had another title: “The Flower-Crowned Martial God.” The lady believers liked that his divine statues were good-looking and that his palace temples were filled with flowers, and due to that alone, they were willing to casually enter to pray.

The usual martial gods were too heavy in killing aura and often had their faces sculpted to be serious, savage, and cold, so when lady believers saw, they would rather pray to the bodhisattvas instead. While this statue of Nan Yang had none of the killing aura, it was far from good-looking, and yet there still seemed to be more female believers praying than male. Nan Feng obviously didn’t want to answer this question either, which was making Xie Lian even more curious. It just so happened that right then, that girl finished her worship. She rose to her feet to reach for the incense, then spun around.

While she was turned away, Xie Lian nudged the other two. They were already very annoyed, and with his nudge, they looked, and whoosh, both their faces dropped.

“Too ugly!” Fu Yao exclaimed.

Xie Lian choked for a moment, then chided, “Fu Yao, you can’t talk about girls like that.”

If he had to be honest, what Fu Yao said was true. That girl’s face was incomparably flat, looking exactly like someone had leveled it with a slap. It would almost be an insult to say her features were plain; if they must be described, then only “crooked nose and slanted eyes” could be used.

However, Xie Lian didn’t register whether she was beautiful or ugly at all. The main thing was, when she spun around, there was an enormous tear on the back of her skirt, and he really couldn’t pretend he didn’t see it.

Fu Yao was startled at first, but he quickly regained himself. The popped veins on the corners of Nan Feng’s forehead also instantly vanished.

Seeing his face change colors so drastically, Xie Lian quickly soothed, “Don’t be nervous, don’t be nervous.”

The girl took incense and knelt down anew, and said as she prayed, “May General Nan Yang give his blessings. This believer Xiao-Ying prays for that ghost groom to be captured soon, so no other innocents will be harmed by him…”

She was sincere and devout in her prayers and didn’t sense anything peculiar going on behind her at all, nor was she aware that there were three men crouching next to the foot of the divine statue she was praying to.

Xie Lian fretted. “What do we do? We can’t let her walk out like this. Everyone on her way home will see.”

Besides, judging by that tear on the back of her skirt, it was obvious someone had intentionally ripped it with a sharp object. She probably wouldn’t just be seen by a crowd of onlookers, she would also be publicly laughed at, and that would truly be considerable humiliation.

Fu Yao was unconcerned. “Don’t ask me. The one she’s praying to isn’t my General Xuan Zhen. ‘Do not look at what is improper.’ I saw nothing.”

Meanwhile, blood was draining from Nan Feng’s handsome face. He only knew to wave, not talk; a perfectly fine, unbridled, strapping young man was forcibly rendered mute, completely hopeless. And so Xie Lian had no choice but to take action himself, taking off his outer robe and throwing it down below. The outer robe flapped in the air for a moment and drifted down onto the body of that girl, blocking the very inelegant tear on the back of her skirt. The three sighed a breath in unison.

However, that breeze was strange, and it startled the girl. She looked around, took off the robe, and hesitated briefly before she placed it onto the altar. She was completely unaware, and after sticking the incense in the burner, she made her way out. If they let her out to walk around like that, the little maiden would probably not have the face to look at anyone ever again. The two on Xie Lian’s right and left were either frozen or frozen, completely useless however you wanted them, and he sighed. Nan Feng and Fu Yao felt the space beside their bodies empty suddenly. Xie Lian had already taken form and jumped down.

The lamplight inside the temple was dim, and a small gust rose from his leap, causing the firelight to flicker. The girl Xiao-Ying only saw a blur before a man suddenly emerged from the darkness, reaching out to her with his upper body bare, and she was scared out of her wits right then and there.

As expected, she screamed. Just when Xie Lian was about to speak, the girl’s slap already struck out in a flash, and she yelled “harassment!”

Thwack! And Xie Lian was slapped just like that.

The slap was clear and crisp, and the two crouching on top of the altar both felt the side of their faces twitch at the same time.

Xie Lian wasn’t mad at the strike, however, and only forcefully stuffed the outer robe into her arms, swiftly whispering something. The girl was greatly alarmed, felt her behind, and suddenly flushed red in the face. Tears welled up in her eyes; who knew whether it was anger or indignation. She clutched the outer robe Xie Lian gave her and dashed out covering her face, leaving Xie Lian standing there half-bare. With the girl gone, the temple was now deserted. A cool breeze wafted through the hall, and it was suddenly a little chilly.

He rubbed his cheek, and with that red hand-mark on half of his face, he turned to the other two. “All right, everything’s resolved.”

Nan Feng pointed at him. “Did…you tear your wounds?”

Xie Lian looked down and oh-ed.

After undressing, what was revealed was a body smooth and fair like jade. Except his chest was heavily wrapped in layer after layer of white cloth, firmly bound. Even his neck and wrists were wrapped in bandages. Innumerable small cuts crawled out from the edges of the white bandages, truly a startling sight.

He figured his sprained neck was pretty much recovered by now, so Xie Lian started unbinding his bandages. Fu Yao glanced at him, then questioned, “Who was it?”

“What?” Xie Lian asked.

“Who fought you?” Fu Yao demanded.

“Fought?” Xie Lian was confused. “No one?”

“Then all those injuries on your body…” Nan Feng was hesitant.

Xie Lian looked at them blankly. “I fell on my own.”

“…”

Those were indeed the injuries from when he tumbled down from heaven three days ago. If it were from a fight with another person, then he actually might not have been hurt so badly.

Fu Yao grumbled something, but it wasn’t clear. Either way, it definitely wasn’t praising him for his fortitude, so Xie Lian didn’t bother to ask, focusing only on removing the heavy layer of bandages from his neck. The next second, Nan Feng and Fu Yao’s gazes hardened as their eyes fell on his throat.

A black collar encircled his snow-white neck.

Sensing their stare, Xie Lian gave a light smile and turned around. “First time seeing a real cursed shackle?”

Cursed shackle. Like its name implied, it was a shackle formed by a particular curse.

Heavenly officials who were banished from heaven would have the mark of sin, forged by the wrath of heaven, branded onto their bodies. This brand formed a fetter that sealed spiritual powers away, never to be freed. Just like a brand on the face, or chains shackling hands and feet, this was a form of punishment, and a warning. It was both terrifying and humiliating.

As the laughingstock of the three realms who was banished twice, of course Xie Lian had such a cursed shackle on his body. It was impossible for those two junior martial officials not to have heard of this before, but there was still a little difference between having heard and seeing it personally. Thus, Xie Lian could understand why they would react the way they did.

He figured this might be making the two junior officials wary and uncomfortable. After all, it wasn’t like those shackles were a good thing.

At first, he used the excuse of going out to search for clothes in order to get a chance to step outside, but he was stopped in his tracks by Fu Yao’s eyeroll and his comment: “It’d be incredibly indecent for you to go out in the street looking like that.”

In the end, it was thanks to Nan Feng, who tossed him a temple attendant’s robes that he’d grabbed from the back of the building, that Xie Lian was able to stop being so indecent. However, even after they’d settled back down, it felt like the incident earlier had caused the mood to become somewhat awkward. And so, Xie Lian took out the scroll given by the Palace of Ling Wen.

He said, “Do you guys want to take another look at this?”

Nan Feng raised his eyes and gave him a look. “I’ve looked through it already, I think he’s the one who needs to take a better look at it.”

“What do you mean I’m the one who needs to take a better look at it?” Fu Yao countered.

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