The Scrap Immortal, Third Time Entering the Heavenly Capital

“CONGRATULATIONS, Your Highness.”

Hearing this, Xie Lian looked up, and he smiled before saying anything. “Thank you. But can I ask what you’re congratulating me for?”

Ling Wen-zhenjun stood tall with her hands folded behind her back. “Congratulations, you have won first place on the chart of ‘Heavenly Official Most Hoped to be Banished Down to the Mortal Realm’ of this calendar cycle.”

“Well, no matter what, first place is first place,” Xie Lian said. “But since you’re congratulating me, is there anything that’s actually worth being happy about?”

“Yes,” Ling Wen replied. “First place on this chart receives one hundred merits.”

Xie Lian immediately said, “If there are any similar charts in the future, please absolutely call me up.”

“Do you know who second place is?” Ling Wen asked.

Xie Lian pondered for a moment, then replied, “That’s too hard to guess. After all, in terms of ability, I should be able to take the first three places myself.”

“Pretty much,” Ling Wen said. “There isn’t a second place. You’re so far ahead that you’ve left everyone in the dust.”

“That’s too great of an honor,” Xie Lian replied. “Then who was first place for the previous calendar cycle?”

“There is no previous winner,” Ling Wen said, “because this chart was first established today.”

“Huh?” Xie Lian was taken aback. “You don’t mean to say that this was a chart set up just for me?”

Ling Wen replied, “You can think of it as, you just so happened to make it in time and just so happened to steal first place.”

Xie Lian grinned, his eyes squinting into crescents. “All right. I’ll be happier if I think of it that way.”

“Do you know why you got first place?” Ling Wen continued.

“By popular demand?” Xie Lian guessed.

“Let me explain the reason to you,” Ling Wen said. “Please look at that bell.”

Xie Lian turned his head to gaze toward where she pointed, and what he saw was an extremely beautiful sight. There was a grand palace temple made of white jade, abundant towers, pavilions, and gazebos, with heavenly clouds lingering about as streams flowed and birds danced.

He took a good look for a while, then asked, “Did you perhaps point in the wrong direction? There’s no bell anywhere.”

“I didn’t,” Ling Wen said. “It’s right there; don’t you see it?”

Xie Lian looked again seriously, then answered honestly, “I don’t.”

Line Wen replied, “It’s all right if you don’t. There used to be a bell there, but when you ascended, it fell because of the tremors.”

“…”

“That bell is older than you, but it has a spirited character and enjoys a good spectacle. Whenever someone ascends, it tolls a few times in applause. When you ascended, the tremors were so strong that the bell tolled like mad and couldn’t stop at all. In the end, it shook itself off the bell tower before it finally ceased. And when it fell, it crashed down onto one of the heavenly officials passing by.”

“Um…is everything better now?” Xie Lian inquired.

“Not yet. It’s still under repairs,” Ling Wen replied.

“I meant that heavenly official who was hurt,” Xie Lian clarified.

“The one it hit was a martial god,” Ling Wen said. “A flick of his hand and the bell was chopped in two right then and there. Now, please look over at that golden palace. Do you see it?”

Again, Xie Lian looked to where she was pointing and saw amidst the haze of clouds the resplendent golden glazed roof. “Ah, this time I see it.”

“It’s not right if you see it,” Ling Wen said. “There wasn’t anything there before.”

“…”

“When you ascended, the golden pillars of the golden palaces of a number of heavenly officials collapsed from the tremors, and their glazed roof tiles shattered. There are some that won’t be so easily fixed, so the heavenly officials could only put together some last-minute palaces to make do for the time being.”

“And I’m the one responsible?”

“You’re the one responsible.”

“Mm…” Xie Lian asked to confirm, “So I’ve offended many heavenly officials since the moment I arrived?”

“If you can make amends, maybe not,” Ling Wen said.

“How do I make amends?”

“Easy. With eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits.”

Xie Lian grinned again.

Ling Wen added, “Of course, I know you don’t have even a tenth of that amount.”

Xie Lian replied earnestly, “How do I say this? Even though I’m very sorry, if you want just ten thousandth of that amount, I don’t have it.”

The faith of mortal believers was converted into the spiritual power of a heavenly official. Every stick of incense they lit and every offering they gave were thus called “merits.”

Xie Lian turned solemn in place of the smile and asked seriously, “Are you willing to kick me down from here and give me eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits for it?”

“I’m a civil god,” Ling Wen said. “If you’re looking for someone to kick you down under, you’ll need to find a martial god to do it. The harder they kick, the more merits they’ll give.”

Xie Lian heaved a long sigh. “Please allow me to think about what I should do.”

Ling Wen patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry, there will always be a path when the carriage reaches the mountain.”

“Boats always sink when they reach the pierhead for me, though,”2 Xie Lian said.

If this were eight hundred years ago, when the Palace of Xianle was at its peak of prominence, eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits would be nothing; the crown prince could throw it out without batting an eye. But the present wasn’t the same as the past, and all his temples in the Mortal Realm had long since been burned to the ground. He had no believers, no incense, and no offerings.

There was no need to say more on the subject. Either way he had nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing!

He crouched by himself on the side of the main street of the Heavenly Capital feeling distraught for a while before suddenly remembering: he’d ascended for almost three days now, but he still hadn’t entered the communication array of the Upper Court. He’d forgotten to ask what the verbal password was.

The heavenly officials of the Upper Court had gotten together and set up an array that could instantaneously allow the consciousness to communicate and pass on messages. Once ascended, one must enter the array, but a password was required for the consciousness to find the designated channel. The last time Xie Lian had entered the array was eight hundred years ago, so he didn’t remember the password at all. He let his consciousness scatter to search and saw a channel that seemed to be what he was looking for, so he went in randomly. The moment he entered, he was blasted by an outpouring of crazed yelling from all directions.

“Place your bets and no take-backs! Let’s wager on how long our Royal Highness the Crown Prince can last before going down again!!”

“I bet one year!”

“One year is too long; last time it was only one incense time! It’ll be three days this time, I think. I put my merits down on three days, three days!”

“Don’t, you dimwit! Three days is almost over already, do you even know how to gamble?!”

…Xie Lian silently exited the array.

He’d entered the wrong one. That couldn’t be it.

The heavenly officials of the Upper Court of Heaven were all bigwigs who guarded over a given region. They were widely known by every household and kept occupied by a myriad of state affairs. Since they were deities who ascended respectably, in keeping with their status, they were generally more reserved and often put on airs. Xie Lian himself had been the only one who dragged out every single heavenly official inside the communication array to greet them out of excitement the first time he ascended, incomparably earnest and exceedingly thorough in introducing himself from head to toe.

After he exited that array, he went on another random search and entered a different one. This time, he relaxed, thinking to himself, How quiet—it’s probably this one.

Just then, he heard a voice say softly, “So, Your Highness is back?”

It was a very comfortable voice, the sound soft and gentle, the tone decorous. However, if one were to listen closely, one would discover that the voice was quite cool and indifferent, the same as the sentiment it carried, causing that soft gentleness to turn into something more malicious in intent.

Xie Lian had intended to enter the array in a proper manner, then lie low, but since the other party had already addressed him, he couldn’t keep pretending to be deaf and mute. Besides, he was still delighted that there were actually heavenly officials in the Upper Court who would willingly start a conversation with a God of Misfortune like himself.

Thus, he quickly answered, “Yeah! Hello, everyone, I’m back again.”

Yet little did he know, after this exchange, every single heavenly official who was currently inside the communication array perked up their ears.

That heavenly official said languidly, “Your Highness certainly ascended with tremendous force this time, huh?”

Within the Upper Court of Heaven, emperors, kings, generals, and chancellors were everywhere, and heroes flowed like water.

In order to become a deity, one must first achieve greatness. Within the Mortal Realm, those who had obtained accolades or ones in possession of great talent had always had a better chance at ascension. So it wasn’t an exaggeration to say that rulers, princesses, princes, and generals weren’t a rarity here. Everyone was a Darling of the Heavens. Everyone acted courteously with each other, so they would address one another as Your Majesty, Your Highness, Lord General, Alliance Chief, Head Chief, whatever, as long as the title was flattering. However, the words from this one heavenly official seemed to have something lurking beneath their tone.

Although he said “Your Highness” this, “Your Highness” that, Xie Lian couldn’t sense a bit of respect from him at all. It was more like he was poking him with a needle. There were also several heavenly officials inside the communication array who were authentic crown princes, and they were feeling the hairs on their backs rise from such an address, incredibly uncomfortable. Xie Lian could tell that this other party didn’t come with good intentions. But he didn’t want to fight, so he chose to run instead.

He smiled. “It wasn’t too bad.”

However, that heavenly official wouldn’t give him the chance to run. He said tepidly, “It’s Your Highness, after all, so it wasn’t too bad for you. But my luck doesn’t seem to be as good.”

Suddenly, Xie Lian heard a private message from Ling Wen.

She only said one word: “Bell.”

Instantly, Xie Lian understood.

So this was the martial god who was hit by the bell!

If that was the case, then the other party wasn’t angry without reason. Xie Lian had always been adept at apologizing, so he immediately said, “I’ve heard about the accident with the bell, and I’m dreadfully sorry. I do apologize.”

The other party humphed, the meaning unclear.

There were a great number of renowned martial gods in the Heavenly Realm, and many of them were newly ascended dignitaries who came after Xie Lian’s time. Xie Lian couldn’t be sure who this person was by voice alone, but he couldn’t stay ignorant of his name after apologizing either. So Xie Lian inquired, “Might I ask how I may address my lord?”

The other fell silent at this.

Not only did the other fall silent, it was like the entire communication array froze, and the air was assaulted with stagnation.

From the other end, Ling Wen sent him another message. “Your Highness, although I think you should have recognized him after talking for so long, I still want to give you a hint. That’s Xuan Zhen.”

“Xuan Zhen?” Xie Lian said.

He was stumped for a moment before he finally came around, then sent a voice message back in shock. “That’s Mu Qing?”

General Xuan Zhen was the Martial God of the Southwest who possessed seven thousand temples; his name in the human world was considerably distinguished, and this General Xuan Zhen’s real name was Mu Qing. Eight hundred years ago, he was a deputy general at the Xianle Palace of the Crown Prince.

Ling Wen was also quite shocked. “You really didn’t recognize him?”

“I really didn’t,” Xie Lian replied. “He didn’t talk to me like this back then. Besides, I can’t even recall when we last met; it was either five or six centuries ago. I can barely remember what he looks like, so how can I possibly remember what his voice sounds like?”

The communication array was still deep in silence. Mu Qing didn’t utter a sound. The other heavenly officials were pretending they weren’t listening while waiting on the edge of their seats for whichever one would continue the conversation.

Things were rather awkward when it came to those two. The complicated plot had been spread in rumors for so many years, and everyone basically knew the story at this point. Back then, when Xie Lian was still the esteemed crown prince of Xianle, he trained at the Royal Holy Temple. This Royal Holy Temple was a royal cultivation hall in the Kingdom of Xianle, with a very strict standard for selecting disciples. Mu Qing came from the slums, and his father was an executed criminal; someone like that didn’t qualify for acceptance to the Royal Holy Temple, so he could only run errands. Within the temple grounds, he was someone who cleaned the Royal Highness’s room and served tea and water.

Xie Lian saw how hard he was working, so he requested that the state preceptors make an exception and accept Mu Qing as a disciple. It was only by the golden mouth of the Royal Highness that Mu Qing could enter the temple to cultivate and be trained alongside the crown prince. Then, after ascension, Xie Lian appointed him his general and took him along to the Heavenly Capital.

However, when the Kingdom of Xianle fell and Xie Lian was banished to the mortal world, Mu Qing didn’t follow him. Not only did he not follow, he never even spoke a word in Xie Lian’s favor. Either way, the crown prince was gone, so he was free. He found a cave on a piece of auspicious land and trained arduously, and not a few years later, he passed a Heavenly Tribulation and ascended to heaven himself.

In the past, one was in the heavens and one on earth. Now, there was still one in the heavens and one on earth—it was simply that their positions had switched completely, that’s all.

On this end, Ling Wen said, “He’s very upset.”

“I figured as much,” Xie Lian said.

“I’ll go start another topic of conversation, you’d best take the chance to leave,” Ling Wen suggested.

“Nah, it’s okay,” Xie Lian replied. “It’s fine as long as we pretend nothing’s happened.”

“Are you sure?” Ling Wen said. “I feel awkward just watching you two.”

“It’s not that bad!” Xie Lian replied.

For someone like Xie Lian, everything besides death really was okay; he didn’t have a lot, and certainly not shame. He had done much, much more awkward things, so he genuinely felt that this was okay. Yet who knew that “okay” wasn’t a word to be uttered lightly? He had only just said “it’s okay” when a voice roared angrily.

“Who the fuck knocked down my golden palace?! SHOW YOURSELF!!”

This angry roar was going to make the heads of all the gods explode.

While they were already filled to the brim with surging complaints, still, each of them held their breaths, waiting soundlessly to hear how Xie Lian was going to answer this accusatory cry. Yet unexpectedly, things only got more exciting. Before Xie Lian had opened his mouth, Mu Qing spoke up first.

Or rather, he only snorted. “Heh.”

The newcomer spat coldly, “You knocked it down? Good. Just you wait.”

Mu Qing replied coolly, “I didn’t say it was me; don’t make false accusations.”

The other said angrily, “Then what are you laughing about? Are you out of your mind?”

“No reason. You just sound funny, that’s all,” Mu Qing said. “The one who knocked down your golden palace is in the communication array right now. Go interrogate him yourself.”

With things reaching this point, Xie Lian was too embarrassed to run away just like that.

He cleared his throat. “It was me. I’m sorry.”

The moment he spoke, the one who came after also fell silent.

Next to his ear, Ling Wen messaged him again. “Your Highness, that’s Nan Yang.”

“This one I know,” Xie Lian said. “But it seems he doesn’t recognize me.”

“He does,” Ling Wen confirmed. “It’s just that he spends most of his time roaming the Mortal Realm and rarely comes back to the Heavenly Capital. He didn’t know you had ascended again, that’s all.”

Nan Yang-zhenjun was the Martial God of the Southeast. He possessed eight thousand temples and was incredibly loved by the people. His real name was Feng Xin, and eight hundred years ago, he was the number one heavenly general of the Xianle Palace of the Crown Prince.

Feng Xin was loyal to a fault, and he had been Xie Lian’s imperial bodyguard since the crown prince was fourteen years old. He grew up with Xie Lian; they entered the heavens together, were banished together, and drifted together. Unfortunately, they couldn’t endure all eight hundred years together. In the end, it was an unhappy separation as each went their own way, never to meet again.

The master of forgone days, fallen so low as to be the laughingstock of the three realms with neither offerings, temples, nor believers. All the while, the two servants under him had both passed a Heavenly Tribulation and became great martial gods themselves who guarded their own domains.

Under these circumstances, it was impossible for anyone not to think too much. If Xie Lian had to choose between Feng Xin and Mu Qing and say who made him feel more awkward, he would answer “they’re both fine!” But if bystanders had to choose whether they wanted to see Xie Lian brawl with Feng Xin or Mu Qing, then that would depend on the individual’s taste. After all, all three had sufficient reasons to beat each other up, so it would be a hard pick.

Which was why everyone was severely disappointed when Feng Xin did not respond for the longest time. He didn’t say a single word, and instead went invisible. And so Xie Lian concluded the scene on his own, beating himself up voluntarily: “I didn’t think things would get this out of hand. It wasn’t intentional, and I do apologize to everyone for having caused trouble.”

Mu Qing replied sarcastically, “Oh, what a coincidence.”

Coincidence. Xie Lian also thought this was quite the coincidence. How did he so coincidentally hit Mu Qing and wreck Feng Xin’s palace? From any bystander’s perspective, this was practically intentional revenge. But the truth was thus: he was just the type who could pick up the single poisoned cup in a thousand cups of wine. It wasn’t like one could do anything about what others thought, so Xie Lian could only reply, “I will do my utmost to compensate everyone for their golden palaces and any other damages. I pray you will all give me a little time.”

It didn’t take any brains to see how obvious it was that Mu Qing wanted to keep making snide remarks, but his golden palace didn’t suffer any damage, and the bell that fell on him was also chopped in two. If he continued to be so overbearing, it’d be unseemly for someone of his status. Thus, he also fell silent and went invisible. When Xie Lian saw that the awful messes themselves were now gone, he quickly fled too.

He was still pondering deeply and seriously on where he could go to get his hands on eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits. The next day, Ling Wen invited him to the Palace of Ling Wen.

Ling Wen was a heavenly official who managed the affairs of celestial personnel and controlled the smooth sailing and rapid career promotion of humans. The entire palace was stacked full of official documents and scrolls from the ground to the ceiling, quite an astounding sight, enough to make one quake with fear. On the way over, every heavenly official who emerged from the Palace of Ling Wen was holding stacks of documents that were taller than the average person. Their complexions were ghastly pale, looking either like they were breaking down

There were four sides to this table, and those two each took a side, one left, one right. They were both young men of eighteen or nineteen years of age. The one on the left side was taller, with deep brows and handsome features, and his eyes carried a sort of unbridled wildness. The one on the right was extremely fair, elegant, and poised. His expression was a bit overly distant and cold, making him look as if he was extremely displeased. Actually, neither of them looked pleasant.

Xie Lian blinked. “You two are?”

The one on the left replied, “Nan Feng.”

The one on the right said, “Fu Yao.”

I wasn’t asking for your names… Xie Lian thought.

Just then, Ling Wen suddenly transmitted a message. “Your Highness, there are two junior martial officials from the Middle Court who have volunteered to go assist you. They’ve already descended to find you and should be there by now.”

This Middle Court was naturally the opposite of the Upper Court. The heavenly officials of the Heavenly Realm could be crassly divided into two groups: those who had ascended and those who hadn’t. The Upper Court consisted of heavenly officials who ascended on their own abilities. There were only about a hundred of them in the entire Heavenly Realm; extremely eminent. As for the ones in the Middle Court, they were brought up as “appointed generals.” Strictly speaking, they should be addressed as “Peer Heavenly Officials,” but when everyone addressed each other, they’d often take out “Peer” in the name.

One might ask, if there was an Upper Court and a Middle Court, was there a Lower Court?

No.

Actually, there had been one when Xie Lian first ascended. At the time, the division was still “Upper Court” and “Lower Court.” However, later everyone discovered a problem: when one was introducing oneself, it sounded really bad to say “I am xxxx, from the Lower Court.” With the word “lower,” it felt like one was lower compared to the others. It must be known that there were definitely geniuses and outstanding figures with impressive spiritual power among them, and what they were missing was only that one Heavenly Tribulation before they could become real heavenly officials. And who knew if that day would arrive soon? Thus, it was proposed that one word be changed, and saying “I am xxxx, from the Middle Court,” sounded so much better…even though they both meant the same thing. In any case, after it was changed, Xie Lian couldn’t get used to it for the longest time.

Xie Lian stared at these two junior martial officials, each appearing more upset than the other, not looking at all like they had come “voluntarily.”

He couldn’t help but ask, “Ling Wen, they don’t look like they’re here to help me work, more like they’re here for my good-for-nothing head. I hope they’re not here because of your trickery.”

Unfortunately, what he said didn’t seem to be transmitted, and he couldn’t hear Ling Wen’s voice by his ears anymore either. He figured it was because he’d been away from the Heavenly Capital too far and too long, and his spiritual powers were depleted. Without any choice, Xie Lian first flashed a smile at the two junior martial officials, then said, “Nan Feng and Fu Yao, was it? Let me first thank you both for volunteering to come help.”

The two only nodded, giving quite the attitude. It seemed they must’ve come from the retainment of distinguished martial gods. Xie Lian told the tea master to bring two more cups, then he raised his own teacup and scraped the tea leaves aside as he asked casually, “Which Highnesses are the two of you from?”

“The Palace of Nan Yang,” replied Nan Feng.

“The Palace of Xuan Zhen,” replied Fu Yao.

“…”

Well, this was certainly horrifying.

Xie Lian gulped down his mouthful of tea. “Did your generals tell you to come?”

The two answered in unison, “My general didn’t know I was coming.”

Xie Lian pondered for a moment before asking again, “Then, do you know who I am?”

If these two junior martial officials had come in blind because of Ling Wen’s deception and helped him, then they would get scolded by their own generals upon their return. It wouldn’t be worth it.

“You’re His Royal Highness the Crown Prince,” Nan Feng said.

“You’re the justice of the Mortal Realm, the center of the world,” Fu Yao said.

Xie Lian choked for a moment, then asked Nan Feng, uncertain, “Did he just roll his eyes?”

“Yes,” Nan Feng replied. “Tell him to beat it.”

It wasn’t a secret that Nan Yang and Xuan Zhen didn’t get along. When Xie Lian first heard of this, he wasn’t surprised in the least, because Feng Xin and Mu Qing hadn’t shared any great friendship in the past. What had kept things peaceful was that they were subordinates, so when the crown prince said “don’t fight, you have to be good friends,” everyone held back and didn’t flip out. Back then, when they got really upset, they’d stab each other with words at most. But with the way things were now, faking it was no longer necessary.

This was also why the two heavenly officials’ folk believers in the southeast and southwest regarded each other with contempt. Throughout the years, the Palace of Nan Yang and the Palace of Xuan Zhen had always seen each other as enemies. The two before him now were a classic example.

Fu Yao sneered. “Ling Wen-zhenjun said that all willing volunteers are welcome, so on what grounds are you telling me to scram?”

The word “willing,” uttered using that expression of his, really wasn’t persuasive. Xie Lian said, “Let me just confirm. You two really came as willing volunteers? If not, then please don’t force yourselves.”

The two answered in unison, “I’m willing.”

Looking at those two grim and dispirited faces, Xie Lian thought inwardly, You guys actually mean “I want to kill myself,” right?

“Well, in any case,” Xie Lian continued, “let’s talk business first. I’m sure you both know what we’re doing here in the north, right? So I’m not explaining it from the top…”

“Nope,” the two said in unison.

“…” Not having a choice, Xie Lian took out the scroll. “Then I guess I’ll start from the very beginning for you two.”

It was said that many years ago, at the foot of Mount Yujun, there was a couple about to get married.

This couple was deeply in love. That groom waited for the marriage procession to arrive, but he waited for a long time and still there was no sign of the bride. Anxious, the groom went to the bride’s house, but his father- and mother-in-law told him that the bride had long since set out.

Both families reported this to the authorities, and they searched all over to no avail. If she was eaten by the beasts of the mountain, then at the very least there’d be a leftover arm or leg; how could she just vanish into thin air? Thus, of course there was suspicion that the bride wasn’t willing to marry, so she colluded with the marriage procession and ran off. Yet who knew that many years later, when another couple was to marry, the same nightmare replayed?

Once again, the bride was gone. However, this time there was something left behind. On a small road, the search party found a foot that hadn't yet been eaten

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