CHAPTER-ONE: BLACK SKIES

What is this cold I feel? It's eating into my bones, and yet, it's so familiar. The black sky above me feels familiar too. Everything is so different... but it's all so familiar. I'm home but... why am I still there... why am I still in those dark forests, laying in the mud with my rifle waiting silently. Why am I still at war...

It was almost the New Year, and I was on leave so I decided I'd come back home to visit my family. The welcoming party was pleasant,but the food was tasteless,maybe it's just the war ration. or perhaps it's just me,but it'd left an evil and bitter taste in my mouth that never really went away. Regardless,it was nice seeing everyone again. Seeing familiar faces and hearing voices from before the war was relaxing and soothing... but something was still off. I could feel it gnawing at the back of my mind - a constant feeling of unease. The longer the silence dragged on, the worse it got. My instincts kept telling me that something was coming, something horrible...

It was too peaceful:no gunshots, no bombs or air raid sirens, absolutely nothing at all. It was all so strange. That was already disturbing enough, but there were also the conversations. They were all so.. unnatural, uncanny even. It was as if I wasn't truly home...as if it was all a dream or a fleeting memory. My younger brother casually asked me how many planes I shot down in the war, but I just couldn't bring myself to answer him. Not because counting makes it worse. You always wonder about what their life was like, and counting reminds you that you killed them . You and only you stole away the life of a random boy who was forced to fight and kill you for reasons beyond his control. The others in my team didn't count either; no one did... My father,the kind man that he is, asked me how many friends I had, and yet, I couldn't answer him either. I had friends, sure, but they're all dead now, lying face down in the mud somewhere in that forest just beyond the skyline from the city. My only real 'friend' was the black sky,cold yet ever caring. Whenever I was on duty,I would look at him, and he would look back at me. I could trust him because I know he will never leave me. He can't be killed by a fragment from a bomb or jungle malaria. hE won't grab my shirt and cry for hours until the infection finally put him to rest. He can't scar me.. He's calmed me and kept me sane. And he's here now, together with me on the balcony, waiting silently for the New Year's fireworks.

I don't even know why I bother coming up here. Maybe I just wanted to get away from all the questions and that crippling feeling of isolation and alienation. But, well, I am here now, waiting for the fireworks like when I was still young, waiting for my humanity to come back to me once more.

I never realised it, but I lost my humanity somewhere along the trial of dead bodies that I'd left behind. I thought that I couldn't lose anything else, but I did. Now, 'home' feels distant; it's not home anymore, my family isn't my family anymore. I'm lost, and my home lies somewhere in the forest together with the black sky and air raid siren. I should have never come back here. When did I die...

I wonder what those beyond the frontlines think of us. Do they hate us? Do they think we're monsters? I wonder what the soldiers think... Do they understand? Do they also look to the black sky for comfort? Those questions disturb me... it's always been easier to kill those you hate and yet... I can't bring myself to hate them, but I must kill them. No matter how hard it is. We can't give up now, or all of the deaths, everything would be in vain! Haha... That's what the government tells us, at least.

The hand of my watch slowly strikes twelve, weighing on the finite yet endless numbers. The New Year is here, but there is nothing: no fireworks nor cheers, nothing at all. A creeping and horrid silence haunts the air, a silence before an air raid. I remember this silence, I know it...and I... love it. It's soothing in a sense and with it, I finally feel at home. Then, suddenly, aloud gunshot broke that fragile silence. A crimson tracer shell followed the shot, striking through the air and tore the black sky in half. And many more follow, tearing up the peaceful sky. My heart starts to race as my chest tightens. A thought flashes through my mind: "I have to get to my post!". I frantically look around,filled with fear and anxiety, but I see nothing just some houses and potted trees.

"I'm not there... not anymore". I remind myself,yet my heart is still racing. I feel a chill coming up my spine. "Where are the air raid sirens and the planes? Why can't I see them? It's a clear sky!". As the thought flash in my mind, countless fireworks erupt in the sky into blooms of brilliant yellow and red. There is no air raid , no tracer shells nor planes, just the fireworks. But the chill stays with me. Why? Tears start to flow from my eye, but why? I wipe it, with my hands but I can't. Instead of tears, my hands are covered in blood. I can hear something ringing in my ears -A voice? I feel so cold..

"C'MON! STAY WITH ME, SOLDIER! YOU CAN'T DIE NOW. DAMN IT! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR..."

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