TWO

There's not a lot that Ji Young is afraid of.

Clowns once briefly terrified him, but that was more of a fleeting fear. All it took was one venture behind the polka-dot curtain at his town's fair and the discovery that underneath all that horrendous makeup was a human being to dismiss Ji Young's coulrophobia.

There'd also been a brief but terrifying spat with a fear of heights, but Ji Young hadn't been allowed to dwell on that one for too long. It's hard to spend days and nights in a firewatch tower slung dozens of feet in the air and not get over that particular fear.

And besides, Ji Young has always liked to consider himself a fairly logical, somewhat rational person. He'd long since discovered that, if he can understand the phenomenon he's afraid of, it isn't quite so horrible. According to the gospel of Ji Young, fear can be rationalized, assessed for its evolutionary viability, and accepted or discarded accordingly.

Unfortunately, theory is always easier than praxis, and there are some things that still make cold beads of sweat run down the curve of Ji Young's back.

So as Ji Young stands at the rocky shore of Bear Creek, the river that runs from Jinwoo's tower southward and divides the forest into neat hemispheres, he tries to talk himself out of his particular fear.

It's only a stream, he reminds himself. It comes up to your mid-calf. You've crossed it before, there haven't been any floods recently, and there's no moss growing on the rocks to make you slip. You've got this. You can do this.

But his fingers are trembling, and his breath is coming quicker, and Ji Young is finding it hard to not give in to the flood of emotion that clogs up his throat.

"You can swim," Ji Young says firmly to the river as it babbles by. "You didn't have that option last time. You're stronger now." The river burbles along, unimpressed and uncaring, but the words buoy Ji Young's confidence.

With a quick breath and an expletive, Ji Young hops and skips across the water-slick rocks that protrude from the river's crystal-clear water. It's one-two-three-four jumps, and then Ji Young is safely on the other side feeling quite foolish.

He glanced around sheepishly. There was no one around, not this far east. All of the campgrounds were more to the west and south, and only a handful of trails cut this deep into the woods. Still, Ji Young felt the judgmental gaze of the maples swaying around him and wrinkled his nose in distaste.

"Well, you try it," he grumbled at the trees, hiking his pack higher up on his shoulder. It was almost noon, and the sun burned bright in the middle of the sky that peeked through the canopy. Ji Young trudged down the fire trail and enjoyed the sound his boots made as they crunched their way through the well-packed dirt.

As he walked, he hummed to himself. They were just little bits and pieces of lyrics he had come up with and tried to remember, but they worked wonders at warding off loneliness out here. Ji Young's fingers twitched across an imaginary fretboard as he imagined the chords he could fit his lyrics to, wishing for the umpteenth time that he could afford to have a guitar shipped out here. He knew that Joo Eun had one down in the first-aid pavilion by the south entrance, but it wasn't worth a three-day hike one way just to play guitar for ten minutes.

Maybe you should buy a ukulele, Ji Young mused as he ducked under the bough of a particularly vivacious tree. They were portable, easier to play. Affordable, but limited tonally. It was worth considering, at least. Any hobby was a good hobby up here, he figured.

By the time Ji Young had hammered out a steady melody to accompany his bit of lyricism, it was well into the afternoon. The sun had moved further west, glaring in his eyes and making him curse his lack of forethought for not bringing his sunglasses.

He was squinting and sweating profusely by the time he arrived in the small clearing. It was circled by sun-kissed trees and spots of wildflowers, with Supply Box Four-Oh-Four at its center. Usually, if it was quiet enough, Ji Young could sit on one of the granite rocks in the clearing and watch the magpies that hopped around periodically. He’d even caught a glimpse of a deer once.

No such wildlife sat in the clearing today, but Taeyeon was doing a remarkable impression of a self-satisfied lynx from where he perched on a rock, savoring a bag of stolen animal crackers.

“Joo Eun’s going to kill you for that,” Ji Young called by way of greeting, but he felt a smile creeping up his face. It had been a while since he’d run into Taeyeon—two months at least—and the presence of another human being was heartening.

Taeyeon pushed his aviators up with one crumb-clad, black-painted fingernail and shrugged. His white teeth gleamed as he put on a shit-eating grin. “When’s the last time Joo Eun’s walked this far south this early in the day? I swear that guy’s an owl disguised as an old man.”

“You’re horrible,” Ji Young accused. “Give me a cookie.”

With a laugh, Taeyeon patted the seat on the rock next to him. He scooched to make room and dusted off his (decidedly not uniform) volleyball shorts. “And you’re easily corrupted. Here—have another. You look gaunt as hell.”

Deciding that stolen animal crackers tasted better than their honestly-obtained counterparts, Ji Young accepted eagerly. “Gaunt?” he teased.

“I’ve been reading lately. Sue me.” Taeyeon pushed his sunglasses up into his chestnut brown hair and swept his auburn eyes up and down Ji Young critically. “You look like hell. Are you sleeping alright?”

Taeyeon, Ji Young decides, is one of the only people he’s ever met who can balance charming aloofness with knife-edged perception gracefully. “I’ve slept better,” he replies. “Just had a few nightmares recently is all.” Catching the way Taeyeon’s eyes narrow, Ji Young hastily tacks on, “It’s nothing to be worried about. Really. I’m handling it.”

“You’ve made an appointment to see Joo Eun, then?” When he’s met with silence, Taeyeon sighs and knocks his shoulder into Ji Young’s. “Come on, Ji Young. You know it’s important to talk to someone about it. It’s not really something you should be putting off.”

The grass below Ji Young’s feet is suddenly very interesting, and he fixes his eyes on a trail of ants snaking their way through the blades towards the supply box. “I’m not putting it off per se. It’s just been busy lately.”

Taeyeon snorts. “ Right . You’ve been real busy, what with all the reading and the binocular-using.”

“So you are spying on me!” Ji Young exclaims.

“I was never hiding it. I spy on everyone. That’s half the reason I took this job—people are fascinating as hell. And weird , too. Did I tell you that I saw someone try to sneak a rubber ducky, a canister of jumping snakes, and a snowshoe in the other day?” Taeyeon rambles, distracted.

Ji Young’s eyebrows tick up. “A snowshoe? What were they planning to do with that?”

“We’ll never know. But I’m now the proud owner of a rubber ducky, a can of jumping snakes, and one single snowshoe, so I’ll let you know what I come up with,” Taeyeon grins down at him. The lines around his eyes have deepened a touch over the years, and they catch in the light as Ji Young glances up at his friend.

It almost feels like a lifetime since he met Taeyeon at a ranger’s camp ten years ago. It’s even more strange to reconcile that hesitant, shy sixteen-year-old with the recalcitrant twenty-six-year-old sitting next to him. Especially when he dispenses wisdom like a vending machine gives out cans of coke. It’s a jarring sort of incongruity that Ji Young’s certain he couldn’t live without.

They lapse into an easy silence for a while, occasionally comparing the shapes they see in the clouds that drift overhead. Taeyeon swears that he sees a snowshoe in one of them; Ji Young thinks he’s full of it.

It isn’t until Ji Young is opening the chipped yellow lid to the supply box that Taeyeon brings it up again. Ji Young’s shoving his hygiene set, freeze-dried meals, and other bits and bobs into his pack when Taeyeon says gently, “Promise me that you’ll make an appointment, Ji Young.”

The box’s lid drops with a dull thump, and Ji Young clicks the lock shut with one hand. “I’ll… think about it,” he mutters, zipping up his heavier pack and hefting it onto his shoulders. He looks up in time to catch the flicker of worry that crosses over Taeyeon’s eyes, but it’s gone before Ji Young is sure he’s actually seen it at all.

“That’s not what I asked you to promise me, but since I’m so unselfish—” here Taeyeon pauses to shove the remaining bags of stolen cookies into his pack, “—I’ll accept for now.” He frowns a little and adjusts the straps on his bag. “You know I’m only bugging you so much about this because I care about you, right? It’s not a patronizing thing.”

Despite himself, Ji Young smiles. “I know,” he says, flicking Taeyeon’s nose insolently. “You just can’t help the patronizing tone. It must be genetic.”

“You’re such a brat. I hate your guts. But seriously, if you ever need to talk, I’m on the other side of the radio.” After a brief, dramatic pause, Taeyeon says in his best actor-voice, “ Always, brother.”

Ji Young rolls his eyes and makes his way back towards the trail that he’d come down earlier. “You know who else is at the other end of the line? Jinwoo.”

Taeyeon huffs. “Yeah, he’s a problem. I can work on assassinating him if you want.”

“Who’d sign our paychecks then?”

“Touché.” Clicking his fingers and walking backward towards the setting sun, Taeyeon exclaims, “Hey, wait, I know! We can finally perfect our heliograph codes! Speak by flashing mirrors at one another. It’s very James Bond.”

“Have you ever even seen a James Bond movie?” Ji Young calls over the wind that picks up in the clearing.

Taeyeon waves his hand around dismissively. “No, but I bet he’s a maverick when it comes to mirror talking, and I’m determined to be his Moneypenny.”

With a wave and a shout goodbye, Ji Young turns to go. All the worries that sweep into his head at the thought of Joo Eun and their appointments are effectively banished as a bag of animal crackers sweeps through the air, smacks him on the back of his head, and falls to the floor.

Jinwoo’s going to be pissed, Ji Young thinks delightedly.

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