Walter

It took my brain a couple more minutes to register the fact. Another couple more to realize it was true.

I raised my right hand, and felt the tenderness of my cheek. Adding pressure made it sting a bit, so I didn’t do it more than once.

On the corner of my eye, I still saw Angeline’s mother. Her eyes stared intently onto me, her hands clenched into fists, ready to throw a punch at me, if ever.

I told myself to keep my guard up.

"You..." she said with great anger in her voice, "after all you’ve done...haven’t you had enough?" Angeline’s mom, standing in front of me, told me.

"Bu-but, I didn’t mean to do anythi-"

*pack*

Again, another slap.

"Don’t you dare say anything! Not another word!" She threw those words onto me, leaning in closer.

Her eyes, now at point blank, I could see another expression in them.

Past the coldness and the anger, there was...worry.

I couldn’t take it, and looked downcast, staring at my black leather shoes.

"You have taken away her childhood, and you plan to take away her college years as well?"

When I saw her feet shift, I looked up, and saw her start to walk away.

I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out.

".....ah...i....di....."

I tried, but they kept clogging up, chocking at my throat.

I tried harder, and one word came out.

"...Sorry!"

She stopped, mid pace.

"...don’t think that a sorry would take away those painful memories you’ve made....nothing you say ever will..." she said to, before walking off out of the gate.

(︶︹︺)

Later that night, I lay on my bed.

Looking only at the dark ceiling above, I held the little key up to the light above me...

Memories of this afternoon came back.

I closed my eyes, and I let them flow....

Just after Angeline’s mom left, I just stood there.

My mind, still a bit confused, unable to process all the new information crammed up into my mind.

My nerves started to calm at this time, and I started to move again.

Looking at my palms, I saw how pale they’ve gotten. Pale, and sweaty

"Don’t think a sorry would take away those painful memories..."

"....nothing you say ever will..."

Her mom’s voice still rang in my head, as the feeling started to sink in.

But, only then, did my memory suddenly recalled something. I hoped I was wrong, and dug into my pocket.

At first, nothing, but when I felt something small and metallic, I knew it was true.

I pulled it out, and just stared at the small silver key on my palm.

And, somehow, I felt something creep up inside of me...

Something called hope.

I have no idea if it’s called fate, or second chances...

...but what else can you call it?

"I guess today won’t be my last day after all..."

At that moment, I was convinced not to commit suicide. Like what happened earlier was like a wake up call, a realization.

Maybe its because of Angeline...

Maybe its because of her mom...

But I know this, my life can’t end yet

I can’t end it just yet,

Not with one debt left unpaid.

I got off the bed, looking at the calendar I ripped earlier this morning.

I smiled, probably from thinking how stupid I was for thinking something like suicide...

But, suddenly, I remembered something.

I quickly jumped off the bed, dashed out of my room, and went down the stairs

The letter!

I’ve completely forgotten about it. I should have taken it from the table this afternoon, but the shock from Angeline’s mother made it slip my mind.

But, as I turned the corner to the kitchen, I saw my mother with my letter. Her eyes were in shock, her mouth opened in horror.

"Mom, I can explain-"

She raised a hand at me, gesturing me to stop.

The words seemed to drip from my mouth.

When I tried again, I forgot what I was about to say.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and picked up the letter, along with a flicker.

"Mom! Don’t!"

She lit the flicker, and neared the flame towards the letter, along with what I’ve saved 3 entire months to pay back.

"Mom, please....don’t do that..."

"I swear, I will. If you kill yourself tonight, I swear I will burn this envelope, along with the entire house!"

I could see tears swell in her eyes.

Was this what I’ve put her through?

"Look, mom," I said, trying to sound as convincing as I can, "I...had my reasons. But, now I have no plans on doing so anymore."

Mom leaned the fire even closer to the letter. Its white edge now slowly turning charred black.

I didn’t want my hard work to end up in flames. Sure, the idea was horrible, and if I found out my friend would do that to me, I’d do it to.

Maybe she deserved it anyway.

"Mom, I’m so so sorry," I bowed down, as far as I could.

I may not be a Japanese, but my heritage has taught me that this was the most sincere way.

"Listen. I know, I was stupid to think of paying it all back that way. I know, its even more stupid of me to think I should even end my life. But, believe me when I say this mom, but I have a reason to live! And, now, I won’t just let my life get thrown away so easily. I swear to you, I’ll never aga-"

Before I could finish, I felt my mom’s arms wrap around me, pulling me into her warm embrace.

"Don’t you ever, EVER, do that again to me, ok?" she said in between sobs. Even without looking, I could tell my mom was crying.

I felt guilty, disgraceful, even. I swore never to do this again.

"Yes, mother, never again..." I said, hugging her back.

And, for a moment, I felt life again. like my empty hollow heart getting filled once more with emotions. I closed my eyes, and cherished this moment.

How long has it been...?

A smile slowly crept up on my face, as me and my mom held onto that moment.

"I’m sorry mom, really really sorry..."

"Its alright. At least you’re still alive, Walter." She said fondly, wiping off her tears with her arm

"I’ll not leave you like dad did..."

"I know you won’t...."

She pat my head, and slowly stroked my hair.

It was perfect...

Feeling the loving warmth of a mother’s hug.

If only I didn’t smell smoke.

"Mom...Do you smell that?"

"....oh no!"

As if in sync, we both released each other, and turned, our eyes wide in horror as we saw what was happening on our kitchen counter:

The envelope was on fire

Me and my mom frantically tried to calm down the fire.

We managed to kill the fire, but we couldn’t save the envelope-and everything inside

"At least nothing got burned..."

My mom said, standing beside me, her comforting hand on my shoulder.

I poked the pile of ashes; what was once my salary from 3 months of part time, all gone.

Funny how easy it is to destroy what you’ve spent so many months earning.

"Don’t worry you can earn it again. Soon enough you’ll graduate in a black toga, and get a job, and earn a living. And, soon enough, you’d earn it all back."

I hugged my mother tightly. It had been a while since I had. A whiff of mom’s perfume drifted into the air.

My mom hugged me back. Feeling the warmth of a mother’s hug seemed to wash away the guilt and regret I felt.

"But, can you promise me you’d to it in the ordinary way? Not sneaking off into part time jobs I don’t know about?"

"Ahmm"

"What did you say?"

"Yes, mother"

She then pulled away, looking into my eyes at arms length.

"And, no suicides again. EVER. Got that?"

I nodded.

"Good," She took two ply of tissue, and swept off the ashes from the counter top. I tried to help, but she shooed me away.

"No, you go to bed. Its late, don’t you have school tomorrow?"

I tried to refuse, but held it in. I nodded, and headed back into my room.