Seahna

Seah's Point Of View

I am kneeling in front of my fathers grave while holding a bouquet of white tulips flower. He love this flowers and I remember he always buy tulips for our little altar. And buying this for his grave made me missed him more. It's been years since he died and resting here in his grave. The memory of him might still fresh but without his presence, I felt like I'm forgetting his face. And I don't want that.

"I love you Dad," 3 words of I love you’s now that his gone was the only time I said those words and through it's grave. Ashamed, he never heard me saying those words to him when his still alive.

And now that his gone, he'll be no longer hearing those words of love from his only daughter. Growing up with one parent was a very difficult thing. On top of that, I never grow up to a family that show you love and verbally saying I Love You to each other.

You can't blame me right?

In my case, I cannot share my other burden to my father. Some things he'll might never understand. It's easier for a girl to seek comfort to her mom than her dad. Without the presence of a mom it's difficult to approach a dad in some girls stuff.

But in my situation my dad was the only parent that stand by my side. I never had a glimpse of my mom, dad said she had grown so she left.

My dad give me pictures of her yet due to it's state no use at all I can't even clearly saw it's face. Dad always tell me stories like how they meet. The sweetness and the cringes of their live story, but when I asked him how they fall apart. He'll be silent.

He'll always says that, when the time comes and I'll meet my mom, don't ever hate her. I don't understand but at that age I just noded.

As I remember him again my eyes gets wet and another year drops come rushing down on my check. By just touching his gravestone makes me missed him more. Noah Celincio engraved with it's name, here he rest under the stars that he likes. And the moon he adores, my father Noah rest to his internal sleep.

Wipping my tear and breath heavy, I again remembered why I am here in his grave. Today was my last day of finding myself a place to stay. It's not like I've been banished or something, it's just that I needed some place near where I attended College. The university and in my old place was way too far in distance so traveling from home to my attending university kinda conflict itself.

And on top of that, I'm planning to have my part time job, now that I am in College. My expenses and my needs as a student is also increasing now that I'm attending college.

“Hey! I need to go. It's a great day today, can't waste time crying here with some rocks right?” jokingly talking to him as I stood up from kneeling.

I should more forward just like what you have said. And that forward I say was definitely today. Just like that, I bid for goodbyes and for sure I'll be back in here again.

“Always guide me okay?” I said as I left him there resting.

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