His hand was still intertwined with mine, but I didn't understand anything. How was he feeling? Was he still in pain? Why did he react like that when he saw his ex? I stopped dead in my tracks.
"Everything alright?" I wanted to know.
"Yes. Everything's fine. Let's go! I'll take you to my house."
"I can't go."
"Why not?"
"I told you I already had plans."
Suddenly, it seemed like he was trying to decipher my words.
"No..."
I let go of his hand, this couldn't be happening. Not this way! I smiled faintly.
"How about we go somewhere else?" I suggested.
"Go somewhere else?"
I nodded.
This time, Christian was driving and I was sitting as his co-pilot. A song was playing at low volume.
"I thought I'd never see her again," he said after a long time.
"And does it hurt?"
"What do you mean?"
"What did you feel when you saw her?"
His hands were gripping the steering wheel, his eyes focused on the road.
"She hurt me. It made me so angry to see her."
What did she do to hurt him so much?
"I guess…"
"She just got married. She invited me to her wedding. How cynical!"
Did he still feel love for her?
"How long were you married?"
"Five years. But it felt like a lifetime."
"I suppose so. Dad always used to say that marriage was a stage where life becomes eternal."
He looked at me briefly.
"Do you see yourself getting married?"
"At my age, marriage isn't something that concerns me."
He nodded.
"Marisa cheated on me with my company's rival. She left with that man and her decision made me feel like a failure as a man."
I pondered his words, wanting to be subtle in bringing out the true pain of his feelings.
"Why do you feel like you failed?"
"Because I couldn't get her to love me the way we promised when we got married. Little by little, we drifted apart, we were so immersed in our work and she started asking me for things I couldn't give her. Eventually, she left with him."
"Did you ever feel stuck?"
"Yes, but I think I was used to people seeing us as a marriage of appearances and we both forgot to take care of our love."
How cheesy that sounded! But besides being cheesy, I think it was real. That's why so many divorces happen!
"Well. If it's any consolation, I'll say it."
"What will you say?"
"Love is also knowing how to let go when we're not growing where we are."
"Knowing how to let go?"
"You say that you were both stuck in a loveless relationship. Now that your lives are going in different directions, take the opportunity to be free to look for something that allows you to feel love."
"What kind of advice is that?"
"It's realistic advice. The next time you see your ex, just be nice. The past cannot be changed. The future can!"
It took us fifteen minutes to get to the happy place I wanted to take Christian. My boss looked quite handsome in his black suit and me, next to him, in a more casual style.
"A corn dog? Are we here to eat a corn dog?" He looked at me with a bit of curiosity.
"Yes. I thought it would be a good idea to get you out of your routine."
"My routine?"
I smiled.
"I doubt you'd ever be able to come here on your own."
I look around. The lamps in the plaza were lit and there were people everywhere.
"I've never been here."
I smiled.
"I knew it!"
It was our turn to order. I ordered two cones of fries with a mummy on each. Two glasses of water as well.
"That'll be two eighty," said the cashier.
I paid her.
"I'll get you your money back, I..."
"Let me get this. It's on me," I said.
While they prepared our order, we both watched the fries fall into the cone.
"Do you like to come here often?"
I smiled.
"Sometimes. My dad and I would come on weekends. We always bought a mummy before going home."
"Why is it called a mummy?"
"Because it's a corn dog wrapped in bacon."
They handed us our order. Great! Christian looked pretty good, all suited up holding a popular snack.
"I was thinking about what you said earlier."
"You were?"
"Yes. 'Love is also knowing how to let go?'" His voice uttering that question made me give him my attention.
I put some mayonnaise and chipotle on my fries.
"Love is also that."
"Have you ever been in a relationship?"
"No."
"Then how do you know love is also that?"
I smiled.
"Because yes. Did you forget that I like to watch dramas?"
"I forgot."
I nodded. We went to sit near a flower bed. The taste of the corn dog was very tasty. The hot sauce, the mayonnaise and the melted cheese, it was amazing.
"You know, I went to the meeting with Mr. Gomez."
"That's great!"
"He proposed that I marry his daughter."
"Really?"
"Yes. Her name is Helen."
I put some fries in my mouth and chewed.
"Do you want me to buy her flowers?"
He brought the corn dog to his mouth and took a bite. His lips moved to the rhythm of his chewing. He savored it. He swallowed.
"No."
"No?"
He smiled.
"I've been going on dates for a month now. My intention is to be able to find someone with their own essence."
"Their own essence?"
"Yes. A lot of these women I've been out with are women who hide their true selves in order to impress me."
"I didn't think that was possible."
He nodded.
"Partly why Marisa and I ended up divorced is because we both hid our true feelings to please our parents."
"Was it an arranged marriage?"
"Partly yes. And it was also because that's what we wanted. But it doesn't matter. Like you said earlier, that's all in the past."
I sipped some water.
"Yes."
"I'm going to stop going on dates set up for some financial gain."
"That's good."
I bit into my corn dog. I savored it.
"Remember Juls?"
Instantly, I remembered the bouquet of flowers he gave me last week.
"Yes."
"Can I call you that? I like the way it sounds."
"Juls?"
"Uh-huh."
"But, I'm a guy."
He smiled slightly.
"I know. I guess that's why I feel different when I'm with you."
"What are you trying to say?"
"That I like being with you!"
I gulped, I was very impressed to hear him say that.
"Are you...?"
"You impress me, and because of that, I admit that I prefer you as a date."
I suddenly felt nervous.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes. Why would I joke?"
"Well, it's just..."
"What you said earlier made me think that although love is also letting go when we don't grow, I think love is also knowing how to hold on when we feel complete. Don't you think?"
"Are you saying you want to grab me and not let go?"
His smile made me curious.
"You'll find out."
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