I'm Okay

Damien's POV

The next week

I woke up exhausted, I thought that maybe after the kissing incident Jamie would try to fix things and I'd tell him everything was okay and to just forget about it, but it never happened.

After getting dressed, having breakfast and saying goodbyes I made my way to the bus stop.

The bus arrived and I got on, ever since the kissing incident Jamie just didn't get the bus anymore, even Angelica.

The bus got to school early today so I waited in the cafeteria, usually I'd wait in the dorms, but I didn't want to make things awkward, besides I acted like a total slųt to simple kiss, he's probably disgusted.

I checked my phone for new messages, mostly from my mom, she hadn't come home in so long and we didn't know where she was because she wasn't answering our calls, she declined every call and read every message but we didn't know where she was.

I checked my timetable to see what torture i would have to sit through first. My phone dropped after reading out first period.

French.

I hid behind a pillar close to the French room, he came early today, like always, but today it wasn't in my favor.

The late bell rang through the halls and I knew already I was in trouble, soon enough staff would come looking for loitering students, so I had to face the inevitable.

I walked into the classroom and sure enough the first thing that happened was us locking eyes, he looked startled at first but then sighed and slumped back in his seat sadly, after that an almost never ending scolding was given.

my teacher sent me to my seat and Jamie moved so I could sit next to him.

For the next few minutes in class he didn't look at me, not even a glance.

I absent mindedly stared at him, every few minutes forgetting my teacher until the worst thing that could have happened in my situation presented itself. My pen fell down, right his leg.

What could I do ?, I had to ask him or it'd be more embarrassing if picked it myself.

" Hey" those words make his head bounce up to an immediate response, almost as if he was waiting to be asked.

"Uh...-my...- my pen"

he looked down and slightly kicked the pen towards me.

I picked the pen up and we continued our lesson of awkward silence undistracted.

The lesson was over and Jamie left almost as if he had been waiting to leave, does he hate me now ?.

I sadly packed my things away slowly purposely trying to be as slow as possible. When i got up to leave the classroom the teacher, Mrs. Berlin, revealed herself from behind me.

"Hello Damien"

" oh, hey"

" Are you a member of the art department ?"

" not yet" she smiled

" Well in a month at most the art department will be taking participating students from your grade to, France!" she said encouraging me to be excited.

" you and some other students have been selected to tag along if you'd like" at first it sounded like an obvious no, why would I go on a trip where I'd inevitably have to see or interact wit someone who hates me, but on the other hand I am working on an unplanned project and I would get some inspiration from seeing them practice, so this is for me, right ?.

" I would love to" she smiled and dismissed me to my next lesson, Which was another one with Jamie.

Lunch wasn't any better, I didn't even see Jamie or Angelica in the cafeteria.

I sat in their empty table with the last piece of dignity I had and slowly started eating my lunch connecting every wrong thing that has ever happened to why Jamie doesn't like me now.

Was it because I kicked my doctor in the stomach when he tried to touch me with a stethoscope ?, or because I laughed at my grandfather's funeral ?, or maybe-.

" Heey~" I looked up and saw Hailey smiling at me. She took a seat next to me and took a bite out of her food.

" I have no idea were Jamie or Angelica are" Why was she talking to me ?, did she not hate me ?, or did she not know ?.

She looked at me confused and I realized I was staring, that confirmed it she didn't know which means not every one hates me, what if he didn't tell Angelica could I still keep them?.

" Yeah me too" we both laughed and talked even walked to her class before she left me all by my self again.

The day was over and I only saw Jamie in French and biology, it was obvious he was avoiding me, he didn't even show up to the bus. Was this my life now ?.

When I got home I bolted straight up for my room. I flopped on my bed and cried, cried out all the tears that had been threatening to roll out all day.

I skipped dinner because I felt like I still had more crying to do, like I hadn't punished myself bad enough, I made him feel uncomfortable and now I feel horrible, it's my fault I feel this way.

I got up and walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower to let it run, I've been upstairs for a few hours, it's only a matter of time until someone checks up on me, but I don't want to be checked up on or else I'll have to face the fact that I can't even punish my self right.

The shower had run for a while and the guilt of the water bill crept up to me, I turned off the shower and changed into some PJ's, I was surprised that no one knocked on my door after spending a very suspicious amount of time upstairs, but who was I to question my luck ?.

I sat on my bed and grabbed my phone taking note of every moment because I knew it would make the moment hurt less. I opened up messages and scrolled down and found his number, I knew what I had to do, I clicked through several options and pressed hard on the block button closing my eyes as if I was afraid of seeing it.

All my emotions of self loathing transformed into self-hatred, why was I being so pathetic, he should've came up to me and confessed the accident, he should've told me that everything was okay so that I could lie to my self everything was fine and move on.

So that I could stop crying...And blaming myself, so that I'd be able to tell my self that I was worthy of a second chance.

After soaking in the fact that I was going to cut him out of my life I texted Hailey who still seemed pretty oblivious to the situation, I silently prayed that she would never know, but that wouldn't happen.

It was late, my mom was not here, dad was worried, Amanda was being stalked, Nellison was friends with a stalker, Acidah would mock me with the happy simplicity of his life every day, and I had lost two friends out of what I considered everything.

I made up my mind that no matter what happened that I would be going to this France trip for my self not for Amanda, Nellison, Angelica, Hailey, not even Jamie, I would be going to make my self happy and that was it.

I really needed it any way.

As I was finally able to get my self to some how drift to sleep my phone buzzed and I was so surprised I could have screamed.

' I'll be back soon

don't tell anyone

Good night

~ mom ~'

And I thought that I was done crying for today.

at least something good happened.

...ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ...

To be continued...

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***

