A feverish dream (1)

My whole body feels numb from fever. I feel like I am going to die from coughing blood all the time. I think grim reaper is at my doorstep now.

I sighed as the doctor's words echoed in my years saying ,"You will last one more year at most even after you go through operation. I suggest you think

Wisely", I lost my voice and my heart started to beat like crazy. I don't want to believe it. But the reality is hard to push away.

My vision blurred as tears streams down my face. I don't have anyone to lean on, no one to share my last wish with and nobody to cry on my funeral. If I ever get to meet with God, I want to ask just why am I this unlucky??

I am still so young to be dead. What's needed in the one's last moments?? Family?? Mine, was never a normal one though. I still remember when dad left this world in a tragic accident when I was still eight, mom seemed like she was waiting just for this day to come and left me behind with her lover the following year. Not only that, but I was left alone in that cold house, to dealt with loneliness, hunger, dark and depression alone.

But that last only for a month when an old lady, who was bent by her waist holding a wooden stick, her grayish hair tied up into a bun, a warm smile plastered over her face. She was dressed so plainly but something about her puts me at ease. She was like a warm sunlight to me in that gloomy cold house.

She was my grandmother. The day I met her all of my despair faded away and as the time passed, she was getting older and sick. She hid about her health from me. She kept me in dark and as I grew cheerfully all thanks to her my dreams also got bigger. I dreamt to be happy with her all my life.

Maybe I shouldn't have dreamt of happiness. Its just something cannot get my hands on. When I turned eighteen, she also left me due to lung cancer. At that time I did everything in my power to save her, but still I couldn't save since it was already so late.

I was alone, once again. In her last moments, with a calm smile the words she said made my head filled with a ringing sound and those were, "I am glad that at least, I have you in my last moments. Please live a happy life, my sweetie... Live like a true beauty", I just nodded hastily as I gave her veiny thin hand a light squeeze.

After that I have been on my own. I just turned twenty this year. I noticed that my breathing has turned normal and coughing has slowed a bit. I got up from the bed, my body still shaky. Walking towards the window felt like I have walked miles. After adjusting the curtains, I saw a full bright moon, stars twinkling as if trying to lift my spirits, a smile made its way on my face.

Just when my mood was starting to lighten, I felt a sudden burning sensation in my lungs and abruptly a nonstop puddle of blood started to flow from my nose and through vomit.

I collapsed on the floor completely out of energy. I feel so drowsy, my eyelids grew heavy. I tried to get up but couldn't just can't bring myself to do it.

My vision blurred due to tears because I know this is the end but still don't want to believe it.

Just like that I was dead. or so I thought??

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