PANIC

ASTA

Huff

Huff

Huff

"Again really?"

My manager scoffs.

"Stop it and get up! I don't have- ugh. Listen to me, In and out. Come on."

Another Panic attack. My Manger's emerald eyes are trained on me. Her glare makes me feel small. Her instructions are not helping at all. My breathing, becoming fast and shallow.

It's so cold oh so cold.

I pull my knees together, hugging them close to my chest. My Manager's voice drowned out.

I can't focus.

I can't focus.

ICAN'TFOCUS

Abruptly, warmth envelopes me. I feel a presence around me. Surrounding me. Hearing me. My breathing slows and I start to take in deep breaths.

YOU

It's you.

I close my eyes. Placing my hands, either side of me, on the tiled floors. Breathing in and out.

I open my eyes, looking around the room, taking in my surroundings to ground myself.

It's my dressing room. The mirrors, the tables where my makeups and other products are placed. The clothe racks in the corners of the room, the people, the staff in the room, all looking at me in concern, Except her.

You helped me. I ... It was never this easy for me to get out of a panic attack.

Especially when they resurface during Missions.

I exhale slowly. I imagine, feeling your arms wrapped around me, your warmth Encircling me.

I feel ...

I feel you.

"Asta! Finally felt like you got enough eyes on you? Stop wasting time and get up."

A dull mocking tone. An emotionless voice of my manager, brings me back to reality. My eyes stare at the people staring at me as they quickly direct their gaze back to work. The staff gets back to packing the bags of makeup and other products and suplies.

Right, my manager. She is still here. I look up to meet her gaze. She stands, looking pointedly at me with her arms crossed.

She never believed me, never did, when I had panic attacks..always thought I was faking them.

I don't like her. I don't like her at all. She is bossy and often times disregards my feelings.

If I want to fight back or better yet fire her. I can't because she has something on me.

I want her here for something as well. I will keep her for now.

you were not supposed to hear this part. But you did. So, that means you are in my head. That bothersome.

Anyways!

after feeling your presence, I don't feel bothered by hers anymore.

My lips curl up. A sickingly sweet smile graces my face. I stand up, straightening my posture. And that's the cue for the staff to leave the room, leaving us alone, except my manager.

"Tch. It's good that It didn't take an hour like always. I'm sick and tired of your drama for attention. Now it's time to-"

"Yeah I know, you don't need to keep reminding me. Don't forget I am your boss."

I retort back. Now that you are here I feel confident. I feel free.

Weird, no?

I look at my Manager's face as it controts into a scrowl. Challenging her to say something. She says nothing and walks out of my dressing room.

Why would she when no one is around.

Good, become angry. I want you to make a mistake.

After she leaves the room, I come down from my high.

Oh no! What did I just do? I shouldn't have done that? What if...

What if... She leaks it. Shows it to him.

I stumbled upon a chair to sit down.

You.. please hug me.

Hide me from this.

Keep me safe.

Huff

Huff

No no no I can't have a Panic attack again.

Deep breaths.

IN.

OUT.

I know you are still here, dear reader.

Here to support me?

Ah, I am relieved, thank you.

A knock on the door brings me back to reality. I nod to myself. The mission.

"The car is ready, the manager suggested we should leave asap."

A muffled soft spoken voice calls out from behind the door. It's one of the staff.

I get up and open the door. Walking out of the room, straight outside. I look at the squared box I called my dressing room. It's going to be demolished soon.

Confused, my dear?

Don't be.

I am an idol.

A model.

An actress.

Yet I am none of these.

I am a distraction. you know where in spy movies, a beautiful lady is the one to distract the client while other spies get the info.

The stereotypical woman.

Think of me as that.

Isn't my job so cool!?

Oh yes, the big box which I called my dressing room. It is getting demolished because one of our enemies found my hide out. It's a long story.

I would love to tell you all about it later.

So, I want you to stay here, with me, till then, ok?

I hop into the passenger seat of the car. The staff have already left with the packages in the company cars. My manager is in the driver seat.

She twists the keys as the car's engine roars. And we drive to him. During the ride, my manager doesn't scold me, she is keeping silent and I don't like that.

"Kean will not be joining me for this mission, right?"

I purposely say the wrong information. Let's see how long she can keep quiet. A small smirk plays on my lips, my eyes watching the trees pass by as we get to the dead part of the city.

Wanna know something? If I want her to shout at me, I just need to say something stupid and bam! She is fuming. My eyes watch as her hands grip the stirring wheel tighter.

My gaze moves up to look at hers, emerald eyes focused on the road, not even sparing me a glance.

Rude, don't you think?

To annoy her more I open my side window fully. The wind sweeps in, making my hair dance around. I watch her again.

Nothing.

I pout.

Why isn't she reacting? Her blonde hair is a mess. But she does nothing to correct it. And she hasn't even said anything.

Oh well. This didn't go as I planned.

Have you met Kean?

that arrogant prick, I don't like him at all. He knows who I am, what mask I hide behind, that bastard figured me out pretty easily.

Don't tell me you like that guy?

You can't. You should only like me.

"We are here."

I snap out of it and look at her. Forgetting to slip into my mask. But she isn't looking at me so, I quickly flash a bright smile. She is all bark in front of people but when we are alone.. I put my left hand on her shoulder.

She flinches.

Good.

I squeezed her shoulder, not too tight, not to lose.

"Thank you!"

My voice, high pitched, sugary sweet, just the way I like. She says nothing. I like it that way. If she tries to expose my secret to him. I will just kill her before that time comes. But as always I need to act like I did in the dressing room, in front of all these people.

I am the innocent one. I am the one that is always harassed by my manager. You see that too, yes?

I step out of the car. My eyes look at the rusty house, I visibly wince. Why does Kean still live here? I will never know. I start to approach his front porch.

did I fool you?

Or

Did you figure it out?

Yes, that was all for show. What I said, what I did in the dressing room. I feel your warmth slipping away...

Oh no you don't.

Stay with me.

Don't you dare--

I take a deep breath and bend down while picking up a small rock to bang at his door. That ought to wake him up.

I didn't mean any of that. I need you here with me, you know, I feel at ease in your presence.

That's what I meant. I hope you understand.

I bang once and the door creaks open, I drop the rock. He didn't even lock his door. This arrogant-- ugh.

Closing the door behind me, I strode through the entryway, which opens into the living room, taking in the cluttered furniture and the peeling wallpaper.

My eyes go past the living room as I walk towards the kitchen, The air was thick with neglect. The kitchen looked preserved like how it was, 20 years ago.

Just like the whole house.

Well except the couch That's clean and new.

With a painful smile I shook my head, that was 20 years ago. But he can't seem to move on. I pick up a dust filled bowl from the front cabinet and fill it up with water front the sink.

I turn to the left and stride to his bedroom door which was WIDE OPEN, might I add. This guy.

Entering the room, I pull his sheets off of him and throw water at his face.

Before I can react a hand lunges at me. I wince loudly, feeling a sharp pain in my scalp as he pulls on my hair.

"You psycho it's me!"

His eyes open as he sits up on his bed, glaring at me.

I glared back at him but He let's go, he starts to look around his room in quick motions of his neck, trying to find something?

"What were you up to last night? You look..."

I trail off, His crimson eyes bore into mine. My eyes follow the path of his muscles. The broad shoulders speak of his strength, his bare chest, a sculpted masterpiece.

"..Ew."

do you like his looks?

But I am more interesting than him, remember that. Ok?

"Like what you see?"

His raspy morning voice catches my attention. I roll my eyes at him.

"Why would I--"

His eyes are unfocused, a sinister smile dancing on his lips. He is not looking at me but then who?

"Anyways, do you have anything nice to wear for the mission? Remember? Thee Miissioon."

"Your annoying. Shut up."

A British accent undertone is evident in his speech. He closes his eyes and rubs them.

"I don't mind going like this."

His smile remains, opening his eyes and narrowing them at me. I scoff and open his closet to take out the suit and a bag filled with makeup to cover up his injuries.

"I don't like to work with you either but duty calls now Get up so I can work my magic on you. It's a gala, a gathering of all the top notch businesses not some random party."

I scold him. He waves his hand dismissively, getting off the bed, walking up to me and snatches the suit, the makeup bag out of my hand.

"I can do it myself. Go wait outside or something."

"That, I can do."

I grin and leave the room.

Thank God I don't need to waste my time on him. I settle comfortably on the couch and wait for him.

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