Episode 20

Ivan

I feel like garbage; I don't know what came over me. I should have stayed away from the boy. I knew how he felt about me, and I know I'm so screwed up that I can't reciprocate.

But the adrenaline from the workout and the anger I was feeling made me lose control.

He's very sexy; he's beautiful; he has a breathtaking body. It wasn't difficult to get turned on by him. But I couldn't kiss him, not without thinking about Vlad, and this boy doesn't deserve that.

Having him so close, provoking me, I ended up letting myself go; I was really enjoying every part of that delicious body, that soft skin that burned with my every touch. But then I remembered him, how he screamed and moaned beneath me, begging me for more, and then betrayed me, deceived me, mocked me, and laughed at me. A crazy fury took over my body, and I stopped thinking, stopped listening. When I finally came, it was his name that came from my lips.

When I realized the shit I had done, it was too late. I tried to talk to the boy, apologize, but when I looked into his eyes, it was like being cut with a knife. He was destroyed; his eyes had no shine, no life. That shocked me to the point that I couldn't even defend myself from the shove he gave me. I stayed there on the ground, where I deserved to be after what I did.

How long will that bastard continue to harm me? It'll hurt me and make me hurt the people around me. It's not fair. As if it were a bad omen, I heard the phone ring. It was him.

"What do you want, Vladimir?"

"Hey dear, don't talk to me like that. Please, listen to me, please."

"You know what, I'm curious, so go ahead and tell me what you want so I can get rid of you once and for all."

"Look, I know I was wrong to have lied to you, but we're happy this way, aren't we? We continue the same way, it doesn't matter who I marry. I'll always be yours. We don't have to break up."

"There is no more 'us,' Vladimir. I suggest you find another guy to fuck you because I'm out!"

"You know you won't be able to live without me. You know you'll end up coming back to me, full of longing, because you love me. And I'll be waiting. Just don't take too long; I might get tired of waiting."

"Wait seated, Vladimir, because I'm already with someone else."

I hung up before I heard any more shit from him. Deep down, I was afraid he was right, afraid of submitting myself to this because of this sick love I feel for him. Despite everything he's done to me, I still miss him. It's fucked up!

Seeing the boy today didn't help my day much. He was in the training room with the morning class. When I walked in, I could see him. He was shirtless, the marks of my teeth still on his neck, and the bruise on his waist, evidence of where my hands were yesterday. You can call me a creep, but I liked seeing how I left his body.

When he saw me, he didn't hold my gaze. He simply walked out of there like he had seen the devil. I can't blame him; it's best to stay away from him.

As for Dimitri, I can't avoid him, however much I want to. I've never thought much about what his father and I did and how that might affect him, but I truly love that boy as if he were my own. I can't imagine losing his love or respect. That would be one more thing that this sick love I feel will make me lose.

Guys, before I forget, this is Ivan 👆

This here is Vlad 👆

And this is our baby Tiago 👇

Dimitri

My room is like a museum, a shrine dedicated to Alexandra. There are pictures of her scattered everywhere. Her clothes are still in the closet. Everything of hers is still where she left it. Sometimes, I slept hugging one of her nightgowns to smell her perfume. I've lost count of how many times I talked to myself looking at her portrait, how many times I cried with longing looking at her empty dressing table with the chair where she used to comb her hair.

But lately, I haven't been able to face her portrait. I can't sleep in our bed; I can't think about her without feeling immensely guilty.

Ever since Malik arrived, everything changed. I really didn't think he would affect me so much. I thought I could live with him without feeling anything, but that's impossible.

When he arrives, everything around changes. He fills everything with an electrifying energy; his kindness touches me deeply.

The way he looks at me makes me want to be a better person. When he looks at me, I want to be a hero; I want to be worthy of that look.

But at the same time, I feel like the worst man in the world because I swore, I promised her, holding her lifeless body, that she would be the only one. And now, I'm betraying her, I'm dishonoring her memory.

I can't be happy with her, and I can't be happy with him either, not without betraying her memory, and that I will never do.

The only thing I can do now is stay away from him. With time and absence, I will forget about him completely.

Vladimir

On the other side of town, I got one of my men to meet with Luigi Palermo. He'll pass on to the Italian mafia everything they need to know about that miserable black man's routine. If Luigi is the man I think he is, he will want to take revenge on Dimitri where it hurts the most: by taking away the person he loves once again. It disgusts me to even think about it, two men together. A relationship between two men is only acceptable when it's just sex and as discreet as possible.

As soon as that damned black man is in the hands of the Italian, he will be killed. I will get rid of him forever and put into practice a plan I've been working on for some time: making Dimitri my puppet.

That boy is only useful when he has no distractions around him. And if he loses another important person, then yes, he will be the perfect weapon, a man without feelings, without fear, and without scruples, whom I will control as I please. I will use Dimitri to gain all the power and recognition I deserve.

I always thought that if I had the youth and strength of before with the wisdom and experience I have today, I could achieve anything I wanted. Well, if I can take everything Dimitri has, I might be able to fulfill that dream.

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