December 4, 20XX

Love,

I spent another day outside. I went to the mall with my sister. We bought a new phone using my credit card. Her phone's no longer functioning well after Papa threw it out the window because of anger. Well, now it's obvious to whom did I get this anger issues from.

So, yeah. I went to the mall with my younger sister not only for that. I also wanted to unwind. These past few days still feel heavy. I'm constantly reminding myself that everything's going to be okay soon enough. But when? How soon is it?

You know what? Every day, I would exhaust myself just so I can have a deep sleep at night. I would do all chores, cook meals, wash the dishes, clean the house and all the other things I could do. I pray every time you cross my mind. I still find myself whispering your name out of nowhere.

I thought this would be for a short while. Never expected such pain to kill me slowly in every second.

Earlier, I was so energetic. I wanted to step out of the house again because a minute of silence would bring me to tears like it was scheduled. Lately, I'm trying to distract myself. I've been doing TikTok videos to kill the boredom. Even though I'm not into socializing, I started to be drowned in every social media platform. There is this part of me who thinks that by doing so, your image will be swept away from my head. I got you blocked everywhere, right?

I blocked you on Facebook, Instagram, and Telegram. I unfollowed you on TikTok and blocked your phone number as well. I didn't want to do it but realized that I need to. I need it for my peace of mind. For some reason, I can't stand seeing you smile in your stories. It feels as though you are so happy without me. It pains me to see you smile, and I'm no longer the reason for it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad at you. I have all the reasons to be, but I can't bring myself to hate you. There are times when I want to curse you, slap you, punch you in the face and tell you how much you're hurting me. I want to do those so bad. I want to yell at you while enumerating all the wrong things you did to me.

But...

Despite all these, I just want to hug you. Kiss you again. Tell you I'm sorry for all the wrong things I've done. I'm sorry for hurting you as well. I'm mad at myself for making you cry. I can't bring myself to hate you because you had your fair share of heartache. I did you wrong. I was very impulsive back then.

We were both lacking.

But why?

How can you do that to me? Did you really love me? Please tell me it was genuine.

Still loving you,

Aggie

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