Revelation

“who are you?” I asked curiously staring dumbstruck by the girl in question.

“Sadika” she let go of the reins as she replied jovially in her high- pitched voice that echoed resoundingly in my ears. “Sihka for short” she added smiling. “Oh…” came out before I could catch the word and squeeze it back into my mouth. I wondered why she was smiling, she appeared to be friendly but what was happening was nothing near amusing. Her smile was genuine and contagious; I couldn’t help but smile back at her. the sincerity in her words and the sweet ring of her voice enticed with a genuine charm was a reassurance for me, a reason to smile again despite the whole ordeal.

She was staring at me until she came crashing down next to me without warning. Her eyes were warm with that look of astonishment and enthusiasm plastered on her face that made shrug a little, a reaction to the discomfort from her burning glare. I, Tara am many things but a celebrity isn’t one of them. I had the urge to speak first, to ask her those questions I had in mind that has been bothering me but I chose to hold back on them, it looked like she had more questions to ask me than I to her.

“So, you’re Tara huh” she asked casually but excited. I guess I was right about her having more questions in mind.

“Um, yes¬-, I am.” I replied, a little surprised and a bit curious by her question, not as much as I usually would, out here, you learn to expect anything and Stephon could have told her about me, or she could belong to that same conciliate he mentioned before who seems to be more informed about trivial matters even more so than a satellite works. What if she did? I couldn’t contain my urge to ask her.

“Could you-” I began, and she interrupted

“You’re pretty, not as tall as I supposed though a lot like her, I imagine” she went on to analyze my facial features briefly making me feel like a merchandise on display and slightly uncomfortable. But still, I couldn’t rack my mind over what she said.

“Oh, you were sayin-” she began casually, as if she didn’t just put me to high jump.

“What do you mean ‘like her’?” I interrupted her gutturally. “who are you referring to?” I elaborated making emphasis on the ‘who’ word.

She jolted as if what I said was out of the ordinary.

“He Hasn’t… To-ld you” she asked softly with an edge of surprise in her tone, more to herself than to me. It was as if it just dawned on her and she was worried what my reaction would be by her revelation.

“Told me what?” I heard my voice go up in an octave, not minding my attempt to keep it civil. I tried to keep calm but I was getting frustrated by the minute, the feeling of uncertainty clouding my reasoning and her blatant revelation not helping my case.

“Oh… I see” she spoke melancholic, jutting her lip to a pout, which clearly showed her remorse by my situation, which was in a way conflicting to me since I didn’t really see how much she had to do with it.

Silence engulfed the air between us like we were in a trance but the whirl wind seemingly didn’t mind that as it made wild passes over us. Me, restraining myself from an outburst hoping she would say something, anything to clear the air for me, and as if she had read my mind-

“look!” she said, as she perked up so she was looking directly in my eyes, apparently wanting me to understand the gravity her revelation may hold.

“It is not my place to tell you this, but I’ll tell you anyway, because you will sooner or later”. I listened carefully as she went on. What is it with them and ‘it is not my place to tell you’ phrases, I’m grateful she consented to give me an answer otherwise I would have been forced to squeeze the truth out of her so help me God… if not that, I would go insane of incertitude, I was already fed up being kept in the dark. There was an uncertain pool of emotions swirled in her big brown eyes that I couldn’t quite make of, it was far from the jovial, childish giggly person I accustomed her to. The person in front of me appeared to be efficacious and direct.

“I was referring to your mother” Sihka dropped the bomb on me. My mother? I was perplexed by what she said and she saw my bemusement.

“The woman who gave birth to you” she rephrased, as if I didn’t understand what mother meant, which shouldn’t count because at that moment, my mind had gone feeble and blank, completely blank. She just sat there watching me silently.

Once my brain registered back, a million questions came to play, even the ones I refrain from asking before. What mattered the most to me at that moment was that I could finally ease myself of the burden I’ve been carrying for 20years of my life- my identity. I was never a believer of fate, but it seems destiny was pulling me closer to finding the roots of my origins.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

I wanted to know more about this woman who bore me and for some reason deemed fit to abandon me, whatever it was, whoever it was I wanted to know. I had avoided this topic for far too long and now I am face to face with it, I can’t shy away from reality anymore and deny myself the right to know what I should know.

“My mother- you know her?” I asked expectantly.

I grew up in an orphanage like many other kids- away from the love a family gives. Not many people understood the pain orphans go through, for some reason or another, left in an orphanage and there many possibilities to what those reasons were. Several are able to adapt to their new life but it will never be the same as knowing who you really are, no matter how painful and bitter the truth maybe. I know that feeling and I always wondered what the story behind mine was. For 20years, I have lived my life in fear and lost. The fear of the outcome of ‘knowing the truth’ will have. Most times, I would rather choose to forget the idea of knowing a truth I might be contented with and instead choose to believe the worse – that I was abandoned! But now, it’s different, the sudden mention of ‘my mother’ had stirred up the lonely lost child that resides in me and brought back memories of the days I had to cry myself to sleep, days I would have strange dreams of my encounters in strange places, when I couldn’t bring myself to sleep with the fear of being trapped by it- the unknown. It’s not that I wasn’t strong, sometimes even the bravest of hearts fall prey to the ghost of their past.

She looked at me with doe-eyes, momentarily, as if perplexed by my question before giving her reply-

“sadly no, not personally” she said, declining her head slightly as her eyes rested on her palms, low- spirited. There was a whimper of disappointment from her tone of voice. Sihka looked like a smart girl and a part of me felt that she understood what her revelation meant to me but I didn’t want her to feel guilty of anything, I just wanted to know what she knows.

“It’s okay” I told her reassuringly.

“please. Tell me what you know about her” I added politely.

Her spirit was uplifted instantly by my request.

“Yes, of course!” she said heartily. “what about her would you like to know” she asked excitedly.

“everything you know” I replied in response, determined and she nodded in agreement.

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