A Good bye Letter to my Father

My biggest mistake was turning 12, before that

everything was so good but when I turned 12

everything fell apart. Everything was so good; I

was an only child and my parents, they were the best. A happy family of 3! Didn't last long, of course. So, it all started on my birthday, I was so excited for my birthday. God, what the hell was I thinking? I didn't really want much, I didn't ask for a party or anything like that; I was never a fan of social gatherings and my dislike for them grew as I became older. Mom on the other hand she loved them, she loved hosting dinners and the whole family always celebrated Thanksgiving at our house. Do you remember how her face lit up every holiday season and everyone on the block was so jealous because damn The Johnsons house looks awesome!

Okay we're getting off track.

On my 12th birthday, May 17th 2006. The reason I was so excited was because you and mom had promised me a surprise, whenever I asked what it was Mom would just say 'if I told you, it wouldn't remain a surprise' and then she would hug me and tell me that I was going to love it but I never got it. Pity, I bet I really would have loved it.

Anyway, so I woke up really early that day; around 5:30. I still have no idea how I managed to get up so early because I didn't sleep so well the previous night but then again, I fell asleep after taking a shower and changing into the new set of clothes so I didn't manage it after all. I then woke up at 8:30 and and God the first thing I saw was you and her just

looking at me and the moment I opened my eyes.she just cracked up seeing me in the new clothes but with bed hair.

I often look back at that moment and just think where it all went wrong. Why she did

what she did.

So, you went to your office after eating breakfast, I still remember you saying 'We'll show you your surprise right after I come back, I'm going to be back sooner today. Around 4:00 pm. ' Liar. Come to think of I didn't smile truly after that for a long

while. So, time passed and it was 4 soon though it

felt like an eternity; I just couldn't wait. It was 4 but

you weren't there, 4:45 still no sign of you. 5:00?

Nope and soon it was 5:45 and Mom she was so

worried so she told me to lock the door and not

open it till she's back with you. I waited for you both

desperately.

As soon as I heard sound of the car entering the

gates I ran to the door and opened the lock and

stood there waiting for you both to come into sight,

when you did come into sight, I was about to run to

you when I saw mom. Her face was covered in

tears and you were chasing her yelling 'I CAN

EXPLAIN!' I asked what happened and you told me

to go to my room but I wanted to know why mom

was crying more than anything at the time so I

yelled back 'NO! TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!' and

you just roared 'GO TO YOUR ROOM OR SO HELP

ME GOD' and then mom cut you off and shot you a

glare and walked towards me and she just told me

that everything was fine and I should go to my

room. I was really hungry but I was too

embarrassed to say something but she took out a

pizza carton from the fridge and handed it to me

before letting me walk away.

I didn't walk away because Mom told me to, I

walked away because I knew I was on your last

nerve and if I didn't go to my room things will not be

pretty for me. I ate the pizza reluctantly though God

it still tasted good. It was from Ralphie's,

remember the pizza place across the street? They

had the best pizza and I just loved it. All night long I

couldn't sleep, there was yelling and loud crashes

of vases and other ceramics and glass objects. I

caught some sleep around 4 or sometime around

that but I got the idea of what had happened after

hearing the small bits of your arguments. How

could you?

The next morning I woke up around 9 am and when

I got out of my room there was no sign of you and

when I asked mom she told me that you had to go

on an important business trip and after all that had

happened she just crouched down to reach to my

length and just apologized to me for the delay of

my surprise. it wasn't her fault but she was the one

apologizing, I just hugged her and didn't say

anything about the surprise I just said that I was

hungry and I wanted to eat breakfast. I knew you

had moved out but I thought it will be alright and

you would be back soon.

2 weeks later I'm sitting on the couch and you both

tell me you're getting a divorce. Everything just

went blank, my whole world revolved around our

family and suddenly it was no more. I shut myself

in my room and mom begged you to talk to me but

you just told her that I'll be out in no time and that I

needed space to process things and you just left.

You were such a bastard. Every time I heard mom

knock on the door, I would just tell her to go away.

One night I heard her crying through the bathroom

walls and that just broke my heart beyond anything

and that was when I knew that I needed to get my

acts together and this was happening no matter

how much I acted out. So, I took a deep breath and

went in to the bathroom and just hugged her. She

needed me and I needed her but she just needed

me for some time.

Slowly a month passed and I knew it would never

be the same but I thought we were at least

recovering a little by little at least I thought we

were. It was Friday and you wanted me over

because the last time I had seen you I slammed a

door in your face so Mom just dropped me off that

night and told me that she'll be back on Sunday.

Liar, there's a thing you both have in common. She

never came back; I wasn't crying so you thought I

wasn't that sad so you never comforted me or

talked to me about it once. It wasn't that I wasn't

sad about her leaving, I just couldn't believe it.

So, I started to live with you and you acted like

nothing had changed and all was good. You didn't

even care and a few months passed and you still

acted no, you didn't act it actually was fine for you.

Her being there or not there didn't make much

difference to you and you couldn't be bothered to

think it made any difference to me. I didn't say

anything because I thought it would just make the

situation worse, I thought that the little family I had

left would be ripped to shreds too. I was so naïve,

it already had.

It was a sunny morning and we were about to cross

the street after going to the hardware store and you

just turned back to tell me something about a

wrench and suddenly a drunk driver hit you and

again everything went blank. You were covered in

blood I had no idea what had just happened and I

just stood there frozen my eyes widened in shock

and someone called an ambulance but you were

already dead.

Hey Dad! Wait let me just fold this piece of paper,

I am so sorry about that but Harry has just been

all over me to do this he keeps on nagging me to do

he thinks it'll give me the closure I am looking

for. Am I looking for closure? Well maybe I am so

yeah that's pretty much it. You're a good listener

dad, you always were. I bet you could've been a

therapist or something like that.

'Pity, no one saw I pushed you. I was just so angry

you know; you were walking there with no care in

the world like you hadn't done anything wrong in

God

this,

your life while you compelled and hurt mom to such

extent she just left. I swear I was never planning it,

it all happened in the moment you know rage

rushed through me and I saw an opportunity so I took it. I thought I couldn't lose you but rage took over me.

I finished and got up from my father's grave and threw a bouquet of flowers on it.

walked away.

'Turns out I could lose you, Goodbye.' and then I turned away and didn't look back.

THE END

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