Episode 11

Pietro..

After the show that Valentim put on at the club, it was time to put on a show at the apartment, and once again he kissed me in that rough way that makes my knees weak. After the kiss, he kept looking at me, and I had the courage to ask him if he was gay or bi, and he didn't answer right away. After I insisted, came the answer that I never imagined.

Valentim: I'm gay.

Pietro: I never imagined such a thing.

Valentim: I can say the same about you.

Pietro: Did you find out a long time ago?

Valentim: Yes

Pietro: Why didn't you ever say anything, or come out?

Valentim: Because in the mafia there's no place for people like us, not only in the mafia but in many places around the world.

Pietro: Are you ashamed of being gay?

I kept looking at him, still with his back to me, and I could already imagine what the answer would be. In my position in the mafia, it was already difficult, in his, it was a thousand times worse. When I was about to give up on hearing his answer, he started to speak.

Valentim: I'm angry that I'm not normal like the others. I imagine what my life would be like if I had been born a second before Vicente. How would I take over the mafia without getting married, without being able to have an heir? I'm the shame of my family.

Pietro: You didn't choose to be gay. I didn't choose to be gay. We don't choose our sexual orientation. If I could have chosen, I would have chosen to be straight, and I even tried, but I am this way, and you are too, it's not our fault.

Valentim: If anyone ever found out about our sexual orientation, we'd never be accepted among the soldiers, we'd lose all respect, and I'm not going to let that happen.

Pietro: You've never thought about coming out?

Valentim: I'll die with this secret.

Pietro: You're going to live a solitary life, without anyone, without loving and being loved.

Valentim: We all have to give up something.

Pietro: So you're going to give up happiness and love?

Valentim: And you, do you plan to come out?

Pietro: Yes, I won't live my whole life lying to everyone and being unhappy. I want to be able to love and be loved, to build a family.

Valentim: Is this other person Iago?

Pietro: Who I want to love and be loved by?

Valentim: Yes

Pietro: No, Iago is just a friend. He even tried, but he saw that my stupid heart already had an owner, so he gave up and now he's just a great friend.

Valentim: You love someone?

Pietro: For a long time. I am a hostage to unrequited love.

Valentim: Do I know him?

Pietro: More than you can imagine.

Valentim: And he's in the Mafia?

Pietro: Yes.

Valentim: And he's one of the soldiers?

Pietro: You could say that.

Valentim: Who is it?

Pietro: You, Valentim. You've always been my vice. Since I was 15 years old, I've been in love with someone I could never have. Even with you and your 24/7 frown, I fell in love with a brute who always treated me with brutality. You were my first and only love.

Valentim: No, this can't happen, you can't love me.

Pietro: You think I've never said that to my stubborn heart? That it should hide someone less complicated?

Valentim: I could never give you what you've always dreamed of, a family, an open relationship.

Pietro: I always knew that, but for other reasons, not because you were ashamed to be gay.

Valentim: You can't tell anyone about this, you can't tell anyone that I'm gay.

Pietro: You're going to hide it your whole life?

Valentim: Yes, I can't let anyone find out about it.

Pietro: I don't agree, but I respect it.

Valentim: Are you planning on coming out?

Pietro: Yes, when I find the right person. I'm not going to live my whole life afraid to love and be loved.

Valentim: Okay.

He was walking away when I took courage and asked.

Pietro: Will I ever have a chance with you?

He didn't say anything, but I heard him take a deep breath. After a while he answered.

Valentim: You're just a 17 year old boy, I shouldn't have even kissed you. I'm a 26 year old man, and this is wrong. I could never come out to you and give you the kind of relationship you want. I'll never be able to give you a normal relationship.

Pietro: I understand, it's okay.

Valentim: You deserve someone who will claim you, and I am not that man.

Pietro: I'll go after that man then.

Valentim: NO.

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