Death-wish

I kept staring at the ceiling blankly. I don't understand a damn thing going on here. My up mind is a complete mess. But one thing that I'm certain that suddenly becoming 27 is not going to make me want to live. I don't care about a damn thing. I just want to die. Death seems so beautiful and tranquil. I won't deny that I love Sam and I should live for him. But I love death more than Sam. This time I'll not wait for death to embrace me slowly rather I'll run towards it and embrace it myself.

I sat up and pulled out my IV drip. It hurt a little as blood kept flowing out but it was less painful than the pain I was feeling inside. Blood dripping from my arm was the evidence that I'm still alive. And I can die again. No matter how many chances I get, I'll gladly choose death without blinking eyes.

I opened the door and started walking towards the elevator. Finding elevator was not that hard as it was just at the end of the hallway. I got into it and pressed for the top most floor however it didn't led me into the terrace. But I found staircases, walking forward led me into the wide open terrace. The night view was spectacular. All the billboards with different advertisement, the city glowing with lights everywhere, the moon shining brightly above me and the cool night breeze gently touching me was so peaceful that it made forget everything for a while. Yet I was clear headed about why I came up here. I climbed up on the parapet wall of the terrace. Looking down I realized how high the hospital building was and I'll not fail this time. I was so relieved that I can finally rest. I took a step forward.

"Are you out of your mind, Amy?", someone shouted and grabbed my hand and pulled me down abruptly. I fell on them and they hugged me tightly. One of their hand was on my waist while other was on the back of my head that buried my face between their head and shoulder, it was as if they were trying to protect me. When I tried to get up they hugged even tightly and whispered in a deep cold voice, "Stay still, Amy."

This time I recognized his voice. He was none other than Sam. "Sam, I..." I don't know why I tried to explain him but he cut me off in the middle and said, "Shh. Stay still and don't speak a damn word". His voice was as cold as ice. Crap! He is angry. What do I do? I should have jumped right. No wait, before this time Sam never tried to stop me from dying but why now? He shouldn't have interfered this time either. Again I forgot, that everything is not same here as it used to be. That explains why he was able to stop me.

After sometime he moved his hands from me, so I took the chance to get up. There was dead silence between us when we stood up. I glanced at him when he warped his coat around my shoulders but his face had a cold expression that I have never seen. I lowered my head down and I was starring at the floor. Then he took out a handkerchief from his pocket and tightly wrapped it on my bleeding arm. I gasped and quickly wrapped my arms around his neck as he suddenly lifted me in bridal carry. A cold shiver ran down my body as I felt his hot breath against my skin when he came closer to my ears and whispered in a bold voice, "I forbid you from doing such things again; I forbid you from leaving me behind; don't you ******* try it again."

It's my first time seeing him so angry. He continued walking out of the terrace, then got into elevator pressed the number for my floor. The position in which he was carrying me was so awkward that I wanted to get down but whenever I tried to move a little he would hold me even more tightly than before. Maybe it was his own way to say me that he's not going to put me down and I should stay still. I took on the signs and stayed still until we reached my room. He opened the door, walked in and gently put me down on my bed, he also put a pillow behind me to support my sitting. My room was totally dark not a single light was on; yet the moonlight coming through the window made the room atleast visible.

He sat beside me and whispered slowly into my ears, "I'm going to kiss you right now right here, you have three seconds to push me away, Amy. 'three' " Wait wh-what did he say? "Two" Ugh! I can't think straight. "and one". After completing his last words he didn't hold back. He put one of his hand on the back of my head and other on my back then slowly pulled me towards him. I closed my eyes as he crashed his lips on mine. My heart skipped a beat at the very moment and I felt something was dropping down my stomach. His lips were warm and tasted like coffee. His kiss was gentle yet fierce. His tongue slowly devouring each corner of my mouth melted me as if I was a pile of snow melting on the arrival of spring. I gave in. I gave up each and every resistance I had against him and followed his lead quietly. I put my hand on his chest; his heart was beating violently. I see he's also feeling nervous.

Now I don't remember anything that happened a while ago. I just know that Sam is in front of me and the ecstasy he is making me feel, I never felt that before. After several minutes he slowly let go maybe he noticed that I was struggling with breathing and could no longer keep up with him. He was staring deep into my eyes.

"What must I do to in order to keep you by side? Why are you doing this to me? You were very lucky enough to survive an accident like that. But you want end your life by tossing aside everyone's feelings and emotion. Did you ever imagined what would happen to all the people who love and care for you? What about me then? What about us?", his voice broke at the last sentence.

I hung my head down; unable to answer any of his question. Suddenly he grabbed my shoulders with his strong hands and said, "If you want to ruin everything by ending your life then I shall gladly ruin you as well as myself. I'll ruin you so bad that you'll think that living together with me is your salvation. I'll never let you go and we shall live together in this ruined world."

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***