4. Grief

His eyes flew open, lungs taking in a sharp breath of air as soon as he sat up the birds at his window sill scattered in sudden. Cold sweat damped the dress shirt he wore, arm muscles tensing and the fast beating of his heart loud at his ear.

Weeks passed since the incident. He found the memory to be too fresh for his state. The last he could remember was the rage he had, nothing could have compared to the anger that boiled at that moment and now there he lay in a puddle of what must smell like wine and fluid that might have flooded through his pants. 

He was there. Sitting in the corner for the past few days after turning this living room into a human hazard. Water ran out of the bathroom and into the living room soaking all the pillows left scattered on the floor. The frames that hung on the walls had holes punched into, glass and dried blood. Potted plants that he cared so much, were kicked across the room while coffee mugs were randomly placed. The torn paper was dumped carelessly in every corner, the house flipped upside down. 

His eyes scanned the room, slowly looking at the works of his hands. It looked peaceful, the picture of relief in chaos. The clouds outside made the room dark. It was quiet. 

But there was something in that room that sat him on edge. His heart couldn't take the suspense of the unknown, the far sound of the church bell gonging. Another hour has passed by. 

Adrien's eyes stopped scanning, abruptly at the corner of the room. There was nothing, no one but a presence in the room. He could sense it. Feel it.

There was something about the spirit knowing what and who was in the room. A sixth sense is that you could tell that you are in the right place or that you should immediately evacuate. A sense is given to man to differentiate between good and bad. 

Of course, He could be overthinking, maybe his imagination going wild and getting the best of him. However, a low humming slowly reaching his ear shook him startled. He was on his feet at once, though they were giving up on him as he swayed on the wall for support. They felt like iron buckled around his ankles with every step he took. His breathing was heavy, it was coming from the kitchen, the humming. 

There was an attraction that pulled him and once he reached the hall frame he froze. A young woman, standing 5'5, her hair flowing down her back. She was dressed in a warm summer dress too cruel to compliment the weather outside. The cover folded into a server's apron. Her face was concealed as her back turned against him. She moved in graceful speed, fast but careful. She picked up the spoon beside her and tasted her dish. Her head slowly turned towards him, her light-shaded lips turning up on the corners. Just before he could see her face once more. It felt like now or never. To see her, feel her. Touch her. There was pulling, a yearning that both his body and soul couldn't resist. Adrien knew she was taken, he knew she wasn't his anymore, he knew she was no more. 

But if at this moment I could just seize it. 

He closed on to her, his brain telling him it wasn't right. Something wasn't right. Why she was here, of all places? but just for that time, he ignores it. I allowed my heart to take its share of what it hadn't had in weeks. Hope. 

But a fool only hopes for what is already dead. The sound of metal fell to the ground and just like that everything suddenly made no sense.

"Y-you're not supposed to be here. Who let you in?"

She didn't respond. The blank sound of nothing hit his ears.

"Get out." He commanded, but her figure continued, gently slicing the tomatoes. Dangerously fast.

"Did you not hear me? I said leave this place."

Adrien could sense a mix of anxiety and stress, anger over the woman. 

"Why aren't you listening to me? Why are you still here? Are you dumb? Why won't you stop? stop humming!" Adrien snapped and grabbed her arm. Her skin felt like a jelly substance, unreal.

The humming stopped and her lips parted with no sound or syllables stringed into words to help her communicate. Her head looked up to him, all that time they'd stood there not once did she glance at him. And now as she did Adrien wished she hadn't. 

Her eyes were not. So were her ears and nose or eyebrows but her lips.

Her mouth was open and in it were razor-sharp teeth, her tongue divided into two like of a snake. Adrien slowly felt something crawling all over his skin, he looked at her arm which felt like jelly imprinted with patterns close resembled burnt skin and fish scales.

"Adrien."

Like the sound of a thousand symbols is the sound that came out of her throat. His senses became sharper, too hard to explain. His body trembled in the silence, She wasn't there. She was gone. He could still feel the jelly-like substance in his hands, the high gong that almost deafened him. 

Then it came, pain stepping in after the effect. It was gone for a moment but it returned so quickly. It was smirking at him, saying 'hello'. Mocking him. He clench his heart tight, he could feel the force it used as it made its way back in.

Thump...

Thump...

Thump...

Hope was meant only for what is true. She wasn't true.

Suddenly there was a skip of a heartbeat. Her form, her presence was haunting-- taking over his mind.

He brushed my hair out of his way, his body still shaking.

"I can't do this anymore." He slammed his fist on the counter. Then there was a knocking. 

It was persistent and hadn't failed to show it. He waited for it to stop, it could be the Karen from the lower floor or an uninvited guest trying to get him to open the door. Heck! it could be Nathalie coming to check up on him. Whoever it was wouldn't stop, and it was beginning to get him irritated. 

Finally, he had enough. He marched up to the door, carefully dodging the scattered glass pieces. He stood at the door hesitating to open it. 

Another knock but with a fresh voice calling.

"Adrien?"

Anxiously He looked through the eyepiece, holding his breath as he turned the nob.

"Alan..." was all he could say. 

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He stood at the entrance speechless and for some reason, his eyes began to water. Adrien looked away and shut his eyes tight. The young man looked startled.

"Hey, man are you okay?"

Suddenly his senses kicked in, a foul scent aroused almost having him throw up. 

"Why are you here?"

 "Uh..." Alan pulled the napkin from his nose, "I was sent here. Had a couple of complaints from the lady downstairs."

"I don't care about the lady downstairs, why are you here?"

Adrien looked at Alan in the eye and he sighed.

"Will you not let me in first?"

Adrien looked up. He'd forgotten so much of his manners that he let his old friend stand outside and looking back in his apartment he flinched. Adrien noticed the cloth over Alan's face, he must have stunk really bad. 

"I don't think that's a smart idea... it's a mess," he says slowly.

"Oh, is that so?" Alan looked over his shoulder, past the front hall seeing the walls stained and piled with scattered paper. Before he could take a better look Adrien's blocked him. They met eyes and Alan cleared his throat. 

"I'll have to call a cleaning crew to sort that out," Alan mutters as a mental note.

"No need for that, I'll do it myself. Just tell me, why are you here?" 

Alan sighed once again as he looked around the passage nodding to the woman next door as she left her door. The woman smiled at him, and turned to Adrien and her smile turned to confusion slowly leading to disgust. Adrien could tell she didn't like the face she saw. 

"Sorry about that." he heard Alan apologize. "Anyways I'm here to pick you up. Amelie said she had a feeling you weren't doing so well, I can confirm. She wants me to pick you up-- says you should stay with her for a few days. It's not healthy to grieve someone alone--"

"I'm no grieving." Adrien cut.

"Oh." Alan's eyes open a bit wider, "She told me you had a girlfriend and you lost her in the fire, though..."

Adrien's hands slowly curled in his pocket. " She wasn't exactly my girlfriend after that night. She ran away with some other guy. I'd say the least I feel about her death is peace. She somehow deserved it." 

Alan blinked, he looked at Adrien's state, everything he said didn't correspond. He was a mess, his hair untamed covering some part of his face, clothes so dirty it couldn't be its actual color, his feet stained in red color with open blisters and he smelt like a dying animal. 

"Then why are you like this?" he asked. 

Adrien's eyes turned dull, he lift and dropped his shoulders.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course I am." he replied, "but let's not talk about her."

Alan nodded.

"I won't go to Aunt Amelie's place. tell her I'm fine and ill be back to work soon."

"but she specifically--"

"Just tell her that." Adrien lifted his head, " I know you did a lot coming all the way here to tell me this, I apologize about the destruction of building property and most especially wasting valuable time out of your day, but right now I am not in the mood to talk with you or anyone as a fact.

"I need to clean first. Clean me, clean my life, my thoughts... then maybe I'll be able to come back to normal." Adrien turned back into his room, "Goodbye."

"Wait, Adrien." Alan held the door, "Look we need to go, even if you go back into this room you won't exactly 'get fixed' Let us go to your aunt, we can get you a therapist who'll--"

"Do you think that will work? If it did I wouldn't be here in the first place, you know what happened the last time."

"I remember, but you think hiding like 'last time' is gonna work?"

silence.

"If you saw her..." Adrien started, "You wouldn't say that to me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, she deserved it," he whispered.

Alan stepped back confused, "Everyone's worried, she didn't want me to tell you but she hasn't been eating for days. She says, 'I won't eat till the day my nephew steps into my house'." 

Adrien scoffed, "If I go there, what will she do, worry about me and coax me so that she can eat?"

"Adrien you know that's not entirely true."

"You're right, it's not true... it is not. I don't want to see her or anyone, do I make myself clear?"

Adrien looked at Alan for his answer.

" I lost someone two months ago, you remember Jennie." 

Adrien nodded, "I do."

"She died of cancer."

His eyes looked downcasted as he spoke, "When we found out about it, it was too late. The doctor however said she had a record of times she came to the hospital to check up. Turns out that she had it for quite some years and kept it from us. She died silently and no one knew till she was gone."

"I... am sorry about your loss," Adrien said. He only met Jennie once or twice before. She had a large amount of afro that would be tied back like a bun and her eyes were a fair brown color compared to Alan or any of her relatives. She was a nice person.

"I'm telling you this not so you can apologize about it, but rather because you two share a similarity. You two are dying silently and you keeping it to yourselves because you don't want others to be hurt by your pain but that's not working. You're hurting everyone around you with your silence as well. Adrien, I've grieved just as you did but it never took me anywhere. I didn't get better till I got the chance to stand up and accept the consequences. Unlike you I didn't have anyone to console me, I was too far at the time to have a family member come and check up on me so we could carry the pain together. I was alone."

Alan took a deep breath.

"But here I am being a good friend to you carrying a message to everyone who is looking for you only to have you talk to me smack. You're lucky that you're in this state because otherwise, I would have given you a piece of my mind."

"I'm sorry."

"I accept that, but it's nothing if you don't put an action to support it."

Alan opened his arms wide and embraced his friend, "Being alone won't help you recover. grief is a burden all man has and will carry, that's why we have people around us so that they can help us carry it all and so we don't feel alone."

Adrien felt his eyes pool and he wept.

"I don't want to be alone, it's too heavy," Adrien muttered. 

"It's okay man...I gotcha."

The lady came to her floor but before she could get in she saw the sight of the same men, standing in front of the apartment hugging. The dark-skinned man turned his neck to her and smiled. Her cheeks turned rosy and quickly unlocked and got into her room. Her heart beat too fast, an embarrassing thought in her head. 

He's gay?

The two finally broke apart and Adrien whipped his nose with his sleeve. 

"Sorry if I messed up your jacket."

"It's no problem, it's good that it is back."

Adrien wiped his eyes and took a deep breath in, "Sorry about all that, Alan. I was being selfish and not rational."

Alan nodded silently.

He opened the door wider letting his friend in and as Alan stepped in it only took one sniff of the place. 

"Oooooh, Adrien you are one sort of a pig."

"Excuse me!"

"'Excuse me' is what I should be saying." Alan said covering his nose as he spoke, " You know we weren't close friends and I wasn't in debt of your aunt I would have had you packed out for violating a no-hazard building."

Alan opened the window, "You should get in and clean and packed, meanwhile ill call the cleaning crew and have them get this place cleaned before things get worse, might even have to..." He continued to mumble to himself as he pulled out his phone.

Adrien stepped into the shower, it had been long since he stood under the shower head and had time to get himself clean. All the other times he showered were less than five minutes. He cleaned, every inch of his body, making sure that when he stepped out he was somewhat new. 

His hand cleared the mirror from vapor as he looked at his profile. All that was familiar about him what his eyes, everything else resembled another man in another verse. He checked his drawer and pulled his shave turning it on.

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There was no sign of Alan. 

He instantly panicked, thinking he must have seen another hallucination and he was losing his mind. He needed to go back to his corner, and never open the door no matter who knocked, but he was wrong. He turned his head to the balcony and saw him pacing in the cold, currently on a call. 

Adrien took a deep breath and sighed. He tried tapping on the window to get Alan's attention but he hadn't noticed so as not to disturb him, sat on the couch.

Finally, the door opened.

"Are you ready?"

"Yup." Adrien stood taking his suitcase. 

"I'm hungry, we should go for a meal."

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