11:28 pm ~~~~

26th July, 11:28 PM

I don’t know what came into my mind today, but the next second I was already holding my phone and writing. Maybe it looks like nonsense, but these are just the thoughts that refuse to stay quiet. I have so many pending works and unfinished tasks, yet here I am—addicted to this app, pouring myself into a novel instead of being “productive.” Maybe writing is my way of escaping. Maybe it’s the only way I feel like I’m being honest with myself.

Inside my mind, thoughts keep flooding in, overwhelming me, never letting me rest. They rush like waves, one after another, crashing before I can even process the last one. I don’t even know where to start or where to end, but still, I want to share. In a few days, it’s my birthday. Birthdays are supposed to be special, a day of joy and laughter, but last year left me with an awful memory that I never wanted to relive. That memory made me wish to skip birthdays altogether. And yet, despite the pain, there is still a small flame of hope inside me. This year, I want to celebrate like any normal person—with fun, with laughter, with love, with blessings. I want people to wish me well, to pray for me, and I want to show them my gratitude. But deep down, I keep questioning—who is real? Who truly belongs to me? Maybe the only one I can truly call mine is God. I can’t trust anyone that much, but I can trust Him.

I smile in front of people, but sometimes that smile is fake. They think I’m happy, but they don’t know the real me. Even with close ones, when they joke, I laugh out loud—not always because I find it funny, but because I don’t want them to feel ignored. I don’t want them to think I’m not listening or that their words don’t matter. My laughter becomes a bridge, a way to keep the conversation alive. But inside, my heart doesn’t laugh. It stays quiet, untouched. And later, I sit with myself and wonder—was it really that funny, or was I just pretending again?

That’s how I am. An overthinker. A person who builds a hundred different arguments in her head and still never says a single one out loud. I give both bad and good answers to myself, and then I argue over which is right. In the end, my heart always wins. No matter what my mind says, I cannot bring myself to hurt someone with cruel words. I know words can leave scars deeper than any wound. So, I swallow the thoughts, I lock them inside, and I choose silence.

But silence has its own weight. Sometimes it makes me doubt myself. Am I really good for the people I love, or am I just fooling myself into believing I am? Are they truly my loved ones, or is it just an illusion I cling to because I don’t want to feel alone? I call someone my best friend, but then my mind whispers—are they really? I start finding faults, not because I want to, but because doubt creeps in quietly. And yet, even then, I never say those thoughts aloud. I bury them, because once spoken, they could hurt more than I could bear to see.

So this is me. A little broken, a little hopeful. Someone who smiles outside but wrestles with storms inside. Someone who questions, who doubts, who still believes in God, and who continues to write even when nothing makes sense.

Your beloved friend, Tweety ~~~

Feel free to share your views 😉 And above all, I just hope you will support me.

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