5. Shane

"Claire: You mean he's not into it?"

I take a deep breath as I lie on my back on my bed and answer her promptly:

"Me: No."

She replies:

"Claire: Too bad."

"Claire: I was all excited to know the details."

I end up laughing.

I cannot answer something.

Claire types it and sends it to me:

"Claire: I found his Facebook profile."

I sit in bed immediately.

I remember Thomas's face, but it's great to have some pics of him.

She sends me the link.

I will go in once again.

I am face to face with all that perfection now the desire to have his body very close to mine comes back to me.

I look at the pictures he has of himself and ignore the beautiful woman next to him. I look at her for a while and feel very jealous of her now. I don't like to feel that way about anyone.

After looking at her pics, a message arrives from Claire:

"Claire: What?"

"Claire: Did you die seeing him?"

"Claire: Are you still alive there?"

I end up laughing as I read this, but type it back:

"Me: Not yet."

"Me: But I need to make him change his mind about my proposal."

...

At dinner, I thought about the pictures of him that I saw earlier today.

I even saved some of them to martyr myself later. I also keep thinking about the fact that Thomas has a fiancée.

I know that I let him know that I don't care about this, but I wish he were single so that I wouldn't be attracted to someone with a commitment, but I haven't been able to control it since I saw him.

I go to my room after checking out my Instagram, but now it makes me bored.

I decide to take a shower.

Maybe this will improve my anxiety in finding some solution for my recent obsession with losing my virginity to this guy.

I took a shower. I stayed in there for half an hour and moisturized my hair.

I sit on my bed with my laptop still open on my Facebook.

I see some new posts of my college mates enjoying their vacation with their parents and remember that I'm still here doing nothing because my mom has too much work these days. We couldn't take the planned trip.

I look at my phone again. I hope Thomas looked at my picture and thought a little about it. I don't even recognize myself anymore.

I have always wanted a guy who is interested in my intelligence. I am checking to see if the one I desire most will like me for my body or how I am hot.

But of course, he hasn't changed his mind.

I reread our conversation, the cold and polite way he answered every question I did should discourage me, but I find his attitude even more attractive.

But I'll think straight about a way to convince him. I don't want to seem desperate, even though I've already done that.

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