Episode 3

I arrived in Sweden when I was 18 years old. I've been working at Ricci Industries ever since. I have nothing to complain about in my life; here I have the opportunity to achieve my dream of bringing my sister closer to me. My uncle is responsible for having Aline over for all the holidays. My heart is in my mouth because I know Aunt Suzana is nothing more than a shrew. My dream is for us to be a family: me, Line, and Martin (yes, I've been thinking about him a lot).

Yes… Martin and I became friends two years ago, but it's only in the last 6 months that he declared his feelings for me. I don't know what to say because it's all very new to me; these are feelings I've never had before.

Martin is a strong, athletic, and charming man. We met during one of the technical team's visits to the creative department. I'm from the creative department, but I have many courses in mechanics and electrical engineering, in addition to my degree. So, from our first contact, he struck up a conversation and we became friends. Soon, he and I spent hours putting together projects that he presented and which gained him recognition in the company. I helped him, but I had no interest in the credit. I told him my life story, and he supported me and stood by my side for a year and a half.

Six months ago, he gave me my first peck on the lips. I've never really kissed anyone, but I confess that the feeling of having someone care for me awakened a joy in me, which I put the brakes on; I pushed away all his advances. Yes… I trusted him, but I needed to take it slow. I had already lost too much in life to lose someone who was part of my new life.

"Lana, I'd like to take you out today, are you up for it?" he says, all seductive.

"Martin, today is complicated. Can we schedule it for Friday? No, Thursday." He approaches.

"You're my girl. I can't wait any longer to have you in my arms. I love you, Alana. I know about your plans, but we can make it work. Give me a chance to prove I can be the man you need." He hugs me, and I feel a bulge in his pants that scares me.

"Martin, we're at work, please." I push him away.

"Alright, love! Be ready for me tomorrow, Lana." He kisses my cheek and leaves.

I'm very nervous. I like Martim, but do I want to be in a relationship? These butterflies in my stomach… aiaiaiai…. Am I ready?

"Girl, wow…that man is going to devour you!" she shouts euphorically.

"Berta, stop it, someone might hear," I warn my friend.

"Alana, don't play coy. That man has scheduled a hot night with you, and we need to plan," she says maliciously.

"Stop it, Roberta. Martin and I are friends, and I don't know if I'm ready to take our relationship further."

"Honey, I'm not a fan of your little friend, I've told you… but I can't deny he's a hottie. I know several girls who went out with him and loved the 'ride in the playground'." When she says this, I get even more nervous. "He's not marriage material, but for you to get that itch scratched…my friend, go for it and ride him."

"Roberta… I don't know how we're friends, you know… look at what you're saying, I, I…."

"I don't believe it." I'm all red and embarrassed. "Lana, are you a virgin?"

"You know I don't like to talk about my life. Look, that's enough, okay. I have a plan, and nothing will divert my attention from that goal."

"Girl, when your sister arrives, it'll be very difficult to have a dick like that available, okay. You'll practically be a mother; you won't have time. Do you want to be alone?" she says bluntly.

"Berta, everything revolves around sex for you. Don't come at me with this craziness," I state firmly.

"Friend, look… I'm going to tell you the truth… you're beautiful. All the guys from work and college look at you, but you don't look ahead. Do you like girls?" I shake my head no. "So, friend, enjoy your life. Your parents died, your adolescence was shit, you're going to take care of your sister. But you're still a beautiful young woman who has a lot to enjoy in life and loses nothing by living a little. I don't like Martin, but he was the only guy you let get close, so go there and enjoy tonight. You don't want to give it up… okay… but kiss a lot. I bet you'll feel like a new woman afterwards."

Roberta was my first friend here. We worked on the same project and soon became inseparable. Of course, I'm still reserved and shy, but with every crazy thing Berta does, I feel like I'm floating. So her joy and liveliness add flavor to my daily work life and solitude.

I never go out with anyone. Yes, I miss it, but I want a romance like my parents had. Dad loved Mom at first sight. Could that happen to me? Roberta is right; I need to put aside all this insecurity and live. I decide I'm going to accept Martim's proposal.

I worked all day. I'm going to get ready for my first date, and I take the opportunity to call my sister:

"Aline, how's my princess?"

"Lana, do you know how much I miss you?"

"My little girl… we'll be together soon."

We chatted about light things while I adjusted my clothes.

I realized I didn't have anything nice for a romantic date, only work clothes. The most 'casual' thing I had was a sheath dress I wore for a company presentation. I didn't know how to be sexy.

"I have to go, sis!"

"Okay, Lana, I miss you."

"Me too, I love you."

I was nervous; talking to my sister was a strategy, it always calmed me down. Now it was me and my reflection. I was taking a giant leap of faith; all I wanted was for it to work out. Sex… did I want it? Martin is handsome, but I didn't feel that fire for him.

I heard the doorbell ring, took a deep breath, and went.

"Hi Martin?"

"Wow, you look…." he says, touching my hand, "you look beautiful."

"Thanks, you don't look bad yourself."

"I can't believe we're here. I planned a very fun night for us both." I thought it would be something more romantic, but okay. "We're going to meet up with some people from work, I'm sure you'll love it." I don't think it will be as I imagined.

I get into his car and there's a couple making out in the back seat.

"Guys, this is my girl. Lana."

The couple greets me but soon goes back to kissing, and I feel out of place.

Shortly after, we arrive at a nightclub, and I feel like running away.

I tell myself, calm down Lana, calm down.

"Come on, gorgeous." Martin pulls me to a table, and I recognize several employees from his department, all with girls in tow.

Everyone is drinking a lot, and Martin invites me to dance countless times, but I feel out of my element.

"I'm going to the bathroom, Martin." He barely hears me; he's in a boring conversation with a friend.

I walk towards the restroom, which, incredibly, is empty. There I see two of the girls who are with Martin's group of friends. I go into one of the stalls. I don't want to talk. Soon I hear:

"Cami, I can't believe Martin brought this plain Jane… didn't you two sleep together yesterday?"

"Yes… Ju… we screwed all night long…. But Martin isn't the commitment type; he wants to take advantage of the little nerd. Who's cute enough, by the way, so he can keep getting promotions. Don't you see she's all starry-eyed? That stud is going to bang the plain Jane and then come enjoy my little body here," she laughs loudly. "Want to bet?"

Soon, the two of them leave, and I'm devastated. The tears come flooding out. To be used, never to be loved, was that my destiny? Shit, I gave it my all… I faced my doubts, and look what happens…. I'm getting out of here. I knew I shouldn't have given fate this chance; I knew a downfall was guaranteed.

I need to get out of here; I need to get away from him, from everyone.

Leaving the bathroom, I bump into someone.

"Easy there… kitty…" He caught me so I wouldn't fall. With that mere touch, my whole body tingled. He looks at me as if he's going to eat me up, but I don't know what I feel. "Did something happen? Why are you crying?" he says, overly cheerful; he seems high. Oh… I've never seen such a handsome man.

I don't know what I feel, but that stranger seemed to understand my fear and emptiness. With that question, he made me feel part of something… he was laughing and stayed close. I didn't know what to say; he was drunk, but his voice, his smell, everything invited me to be near him. Strange, I felt it; this man was hypnotizing me.

"I'm having a bad day," I confessed.

"Me too. We can drink together to make our night, at least, less bitter."

"I don't usually drink," I reveal.

"That's why you're crying," he said, convinced, "come on, I'll teach you a thing or two about sad days."

The man's touch makes me feel safe; I don't know why I follow him.

"Sure you don't want a drink? Try it."

At that moment, I see Martin from afar, kissing that Cami girl. Idiot, he didn't even respect my presence.

I down the glass of the drink, which burns as it goes down. I don't know if it's hatred or the frustration of having believed someone could be interested in me.

Yes, my first gulp was harsh, but the rest went down smoothly.

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