From fantasy to reality

POV- Lupin Takashi

Place - Boston

I'm not jealous of how people are determined and how they have goals. I did have goals but I'm stuck right now. I am not being able to trust myself and start the process to achieve something in my life. Like where I can get so much confidence to go ahead and choose a career. I see my friends how they are determined to be a doctor or an engineer or whatever. I'm happy for them but I can't choose anything. As they are willing to study abroad they are looking for scholarships and they are pursuing their dreams . Here I'm can't even decide what I want.

I was 12 years old and was sick for a long time. Mom took me to the hospital and it's not like I saw someone wearing apron and stethoscope for the time. But that time, I noticed the doctor. I thought how I would look when I will wear those. I was so happy to imagine that and made it my dream. Being an average student and surviving among top-notch, brilliant students is tough. I'm not saying I'm too bad in studies. I know I shouldn't say like this but my grades aren't bad . I scored 90+ in all subjects. I am willing to work hard. But to be selected in my dream college/university I need to do well more in the exam. As the seats available there are limited. I sit to think that there are so many brainstormers around me . How can I even survive? So let's go back to the story when I thought medical is my dream. It's the time I have to move forward and start taking prep for medical. Thing is I'm bad at memorizing theories like I easily forget the process of respiration, how viruses spread , how anopheline mosquitos and mankind are Maleria parasite's hosts etc . I'm not too bad at Biology but to get selected in my dream university , it's not enough. I was born and raised in Japan . There are some unexplainable reasons to move in Boston . However, So I had to decide quickly for my career. I moved to another city when I became an adult I mean and adult to live away from my 'sometimes together; sometimes departed' parents. It's been two years I last saw my girl. We were so ******* happy. Nirvana, our mutual best friend just came one day and said Cardia can't see you again. I was dumbstruck and reconciled me to accept the fact that yes, Cardia Mio ,the girl, I cherished forever in my life left me without telling what happened even she didn't leave any note . Without telling me a proper reason.

I asked Nirvana so many times , like I was gone mad , anxious. Cardia knew I have anxiety attacks in situations like this. Still she chose this .I stood up and said to my self, "Anyone can't have control over me and hurt me.I will be starting my prep for medicals. " A lot of things happened and 3 months passed away. I was doing well in Biology exams too but not as expected. It started to break my confidence.

Nirvana said Cardia had stopped fer from telling the reason. Nirvana did take a good care of me but I needed Cardia. Nirvana was that friend of mine who can give up her life for her friends. I couldn't behave well with Nirvana . As she and her boyfriend Igarashi broke up. I wanted to meet with Igarashi but Nirvana never let that happen. I didn't forcer her but Nirvana showed us his picture. I remembered how Cardia and I teased Nirvana for not having a picture with her boyfriend, Igarashi. After some days she showed the picture. Igarashi was her cousin. We all were in the same school.

However, I finally I took the bold decision to stop taking my preps for medicals. Yes, I wasted my time. One day, I sat and thought this isn't for me.So I left my dream. Now I can't find what to choose. To be continued....

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***