Losing You

"Thank You Chifuyu"

I stare into his eyes as he drifts away and shuts his eyes slowly. I cry as all of the warmth of Baji leaves his body and hug him tightly. I closely look at his face and see blood dripping down his mouth. The only person I ever cared about is now in my arms dead. Everything around me disappears as the only thing I have left of him is the blood dripping out of his mouth. I scream as if I was the one who was stabbed but no I scream since the only person I ever respected is dead. Takemichi pulls me away from Baji's body and holds me.

This is the only time that I've felt warm but it's not inside Baji's arms. Takemichi's body is shaking as he cries with me. All I hear is his breath and repeated sorries. I can't stop myself from looking at his body which now has a pile of blood around his body. It should have been me who died not him. My knees give up and I fall down onto my knees and cry. I feel Mitsuya put his arms around me and then he picked me up. He carries me all the way back to his house since my mom would kill me if I walked into the house covered in blood and crying. Mitsuya sets me down on a table and starts cleaning me up from the dried blood on my body. When he's done cleaning me he carries me into his room and sets me down into his bed. I fall asleep once my breathing becomes steady.

When I wake up I feel Mitsuya's arms around me and cuddle back. It's pitch dark outside but I can't do anything but remember what had happened earlier. I feel my eyes start to fill up with tears and my breath starts to become uneven but I let it out. Mitsuya wakes up and holds me. We both cry until we can't anymore and fall asleep.

I dream about Baji dying in my arms multiple times but I stop falling asleep since I see his face one more time I might as well take a trip off the building. I drag myself out of the bed and grab my things and walk back to my house. My phone has multiple messages but Mitsuya texted her earlier that I would spnd the night. When I enter my house I hear my mom run over to me. The second I feel her arms around me I start sobbing. Once I start I can't stop, my mom gives me some tissues and I hold them but my body just falls and I lay on the ground as I cry.

"What's wrong?" My mom asks me. I look at her and realize that she doesn't know that he died. I try to answer but I can't breath and let out a sob. She pulls me into her arms and holds me for a while. After a bit my breathing is back to normal and I start from the beginning. I hold back my tears as I explain how he stabbed himself but fail and start sobbing again. I don't normally cry like at all but today I lost something important to me.

If only I could hug him one last time, but I can’t ever do that ever again since he’s now gone. Today is the day I lost the will to live but my friends pushed me to stay alive but trying to live is extremely exhausting.

Two Weeks Later

Today I went to Baji’s grave and brought him his last request. I barely finished half of the yakisoba before I lost it. I then placed the noodles down and cried. Everyone has been upset that he’s gone but I hate that everyone looks at me with pity and sadness. They look at me as if I’m weak and I’m ******* not. I’ve missed the last week of school since my mom doesn’t trust me.

I’m to the point that I want to leave Toman but Mikey won’t let me. He said that then no one would be able to lead the first division. The only person I’ll ever follow other than Baji is Takemichi so I talk to Mikey about.

“Can I go to the Toman meeting at least?” I ask. My mom isn’t allowing me to go since I’ve been a tad bit suicidal. I call Mikey to bring me to the meeting but he declines and says he’s “busy” even though he doesn’t really do anything. I haven’t been able to see Mitsuya since Baji died but I’ll see him today.

“You ready Chifuyu? I’ll be here the entire time got it?” Mitsuya says. I nod and turn to the front and look at everyone. Our gang has grown three times bigger since Vallahala is now under Toman. I take a deep breath and annouce.

“I considered leaving Toman, but our leader stopped me, by telling me. “You want to snuff out the first division’s flame?” Leading the first division is a huge responsibility for me. I talked it out with our leader, for days and days, and arrived at this conclusion. I’m going to name the guy I want to follow! Takemichi Hanagaki! I nominate you as the first division captain!” I take a deep breath and step back from Takemichi to come up.

Takemichi accepts the offer and walks up the stairs and looks at me. I smile but not a fake one but the first real one since I lost Baji. Mitsuya walks up to me and hugs me. I hug back but feel sad again. Mitsuya and I weren’t very close but he was close with Baji so I saw him pretty often. I walk away and fall to my knees and cry again. I have someone to follow but it won’t ever be the same.

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