AVA POV(⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠ ⁠)

HE WAS FURIOUS.He was alive with it, pulsing with it. One hand clutched the steeringwheel, knuckles white, while the other rested on the gearshift, flexing andunflexing like he wanted to strangle someone. The glow from passingstreetlights illuminated the beautifully carved planes of his face as we speddown the dark streets, throwing into sharp relief the tense set of his mouthand the way his brows bunched over his eyes.When I told him about the incident with Liam outside The Crypt, I almostdisintegrated from the force of his fury.“I’m okay,” I said, wrapping my arms around my torso. My voicesounded scratchy and unsure. “Really.”That only made him more furious.“If you’d attended Krav Maga lessons like I’d asked, he wouldn’t havebeen able to corner you like that.” Alex’s voice was soft. Deadly. Iremembered his face when he’d pounded Liam’s face into a pulp, and ashiver skated down my spine. I wasn’t scared of Alex hurting me, but thesight of all that coiled strength unleashed was unnerving. “You have to learnto protect yourself. If anything had happened to you...”“I defended myself fine.” I pressed my lips together. I hadn’t seen Liamat the gala, but there had been so many people it would’ve been impossiblefor me to pick him out in the crowd. Bridget had finagled me an invite to theball so I could connect with an alumnus who’d been a WYP fellow a fewyears ago. We’d had a great conversation, but I tired of the small talk with therest of the gala’s guests and had been on my way out when Liam cornered mein the coatroom.He’d been high tonight, too. I’d seen it in his dilated pupils and manicenergy. He never used drugs when we were together, at least not that I knewof, but whatever he was on, it made him swing between bouts of rage andsadness.Despite what he did and things he’d said, I couldn’t help feeling sorry forhim.“This time.” Alex’s jaw flexed. “Who knows what might happen the nexttime you’re alone?”I opened my mouth to respond, but before I could get the words out,images and sounds slammed into my brain, rendering me mute.I threw a stone into the lake and giggled at the ripples that spread overthe smooth surface.The lake was my favorite part of our backyard. We had a dock that ranout to the middle of the water, and during the summers, Josh wouldcannonball off it while Daddy fished and Mommy read magazines and Iskipped stones. Josh always teased me about not being able to swim, muchless cannonball.I would, though. Mommy signed me up for swimming lessons, and I wouldbe the best swimmer in the world. Better than Josh, who thought he was thebest at everything.I’d show him.My mouth turned down at the corners. There would be no more summersby the lakeside with all of us, though. Not since Daddy moved out and tookJosh with him.I missed them. It got lonely sometimes, especially since Mommy didn’tplay with me like she used to. All she did now was yell into the phone and cry.Sometimes, she sat in the kitchen and just stared into space.It made me sad. I tried to cheer her up—I drew her pictures and evengave her Bethany, my nicest, bestest doll to play with, but it didn’t work. Shestill cried.Today was a better day, though. It was our first time playing by the lakesince Daddy moved out, so maybe it meant she felt better. She’d gone into thehouse for more sunscreen—she always worried about freckles and stuff likethat—but when she got back, I planned to ask her to play with me like weused to.I picked up another stone from the ground. It was smooth and flat, thetype that would make really pretty ripples. I drew my arm back to throw it,but I smelled something flowery—Mommy’s perfume—that distracted me.My aim veered and the stone thudded onto the ground, but I didn’t mind.Mommy was back! We could play now.I turned, smiling a big gap-toothed smile—my front tooth fell out lastweek, and I found five dollars from the Tooth Fairy under my pillow after,which was super cool—but I only made it halfway before she pushed me. Ipitched forward—down, down, off the edge of the deck, my scream swallowedup by the water rushing toward my face.Reality yanked me back into the present with jarring force. I bent overdouble, chest heaving, tears streaming down my face. When had I startedcrying?It didn’t matter. All that mattered was I was crying. Huge, heaving sobs,the kind that made my nose all snotty and my stomach hurt. Thick, saltyrivulets ran down my cheeks and dripped off my chin onto the floor.Maybe I’d finally broken, split apart for the world to see. I’d alwaysknown I wasn’t normal, me with my forgotten childhood and fragmentednightmares, but I’d been able to hide it behind smiles and laughter. Untilnow.My nightmares were usually confined to when I was sleeping. They hadnever consumed me when I was awake.Maybe the adrenaline rush from what happened with Liam triggeredsomething in my brain. If I had to worry about my waking hours and mysleeping ones…I pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes. I was losing it.A cool, strong hand touched my shoulder.I jerked, remembering in a rush that I wasn’t alone. That someone borewitness to my sudden, humiliating breakdown. I also hadn’t noticed that Alexhad pulled over to the side of the road until now.If he’d been furious before, he was crazed now. Not in a psycho, angryway—well, maybe a little—but more in a panicked way. His eyes were wild,that muscle in his jaw jumping so fast it had a life of his own. I’d never seenhim like that. Pissed, yes. Annoyed, definitely. But not like that.Like he wanted to burn the world down at seeing me hurt.My naïve heart sang, cutting a swath of hope through my lingering panic.Because no one looks at someone like that unless they care, and I realizedthat I wanted Alex Volkov to care. Very much.I wanted him to care because of me, not because of a promise he’d madeto my brother.Talk about a terrible time to come to such a realization. I was a freakingmess, and he’d just beat the living daylights out of my ex-boyfriend.I sucked in a shaky breath and wiped the tears from my face with thebacks of my hands.“I will destroy him.” Alex’s words sliced through the air like lethal bladesof ice. Goosebumps blossomed on my skin and I shivered, my teethchattering from the cold. “Everything he has ever touched, everyone he hasever loved. I will ruin them until they’re nothing more than a pile of ashes atyour feet.”I should’ve been terrified by the leashed violence flickering in the car, butI felt oddly safe. I always felt safe around him.“I’m not crying because of Liam.” I took a deep breath. “Let’s not talk orthink about him anymore, okay? Let’s salvage the rest of the night. Please.”I needed to take my mind off everything that happened tonight, or I’dscream.A few beats passed before Alex relaxed his shoulders, though his faceremained tight. “What do you have in mind?”“Food would be good.” I’d been too nervous to eat at the gala, and I wasstarving. “Something greasy and bad for you. You’re not one of those healthnuts, are you?”His body was so cut he looked like he subsisted on lean protein and greenshakes.Disbelief shadowed his eyes before he let out a short laugh. “No,Sunshine, I’m not one of those health nuts.”Ten minutes later, we pulled up in front of a diner that looked like itserved nothing but food that was bad for you.Perfect.Heads swiveled in our direction when we walked into the diner. I couldn’tblame them. It isn’t every day you see a duo in black-tie enter a roadsidediner. I’d tried my best to fix myself so I was presentable before I left the car,but there’s only so much a girl can do without her makeup bag.Something warm and silky enveloped me, and I realized Alex had takenoff his jacket and draped it over my shoulders.“It’s cold,” he said when I shot him a questioning look. He glared at agroup of guys who were ogling me—or rather, my breasts—from a nearbytable.I didn’t protest. It was cold, and my gown didn’t cover much.I also didn’t protest when Alex insisted we sit in the back and positionedme in the booth facing the wall, so I was out of the other diners’ sight.We placed our orders, and I shifted beneath the weight of his stare.“Tell me what happened in the car.” For once, his tone was gentle, notcommanding. “If not Liam, what made you…”“Freak out?” I fiddled with a loose strand of hair. No one knew about mylost memories or nightmares except my family and closest friends, but I had astrange urge to spill the truth to Alex. “I had a…flashback. Of something thathappened when I was young.” I’d been in denial all these years, tellingmyself they were fictional nightmares instead of fragmented flashbacks, but Icouldn’t lie any longer.I swallowed hard before I told Alex, in halting sentences, about my past—or what I remembered of it. It wasn’t the lighthearted conversation I’denvisioned when I’d suggested we “salvage the rest of the night,” but I feltten times lighter by the time I finished.“They told me it was my mom,” I said. “My parents were going through anasty divorce, and apparently, my mom had some sort of breakdown andpushed me into the lake, knowing I couldn’t swim. I would’ve drowned hadmy dad not come by to drop off some papers and seen what happened. Hesaved me, and my mom’s condition deteriorated further until she killedherself. They told me I was lucky to be alive but…” I drew in a shudderingbreath. “Sometimes, I don’t feel lucky.”Alex had listened patiently the entire time, but his eyes flickereddangerously at my last statement. “Don’t say that.”“I know. It’s super self-pitying, which is not what I want. But what yousaid at the gala earlier? About me craving love? You’re right.” My chinwobbled. Call me crazy, but something about being tucked away this cornerof a random diner, sitting across from a man who I thought didn’t even likeme until a few hours ago, made me voice my most insidious thoughts. “Mymom tried to kill me. My dad barely pays attention to me. Parents aresupposed to be the most loving forces in their children’s lives, but…” A tearslipped down my cheek, and my voice broke. “I don’t know what I didwrong. Maybe if I tried harder to be a good daughter—”“Stop.” Alex’s hand curled around mine on the table. “Don’t blameyourself for fucked-up things other people do.”“I try not to, but…” Another shaky breath. “That’s why Liam cheating onme hurt so much. I wasn’t really in love with him, so I wasn’t heartbrokenper se, but he’s yet another person who was supposed to love me but didn’t.”My chest ached. If I wasn’t the problem, why did this keep happening to me?I tried to be a good person. A good daughter, good girlfriend…but no matterhow hard I tried, I always ended up hurt.I had Josh and my friends, but there was a difference between platoniclove and the deep bonds that bound a person to their parents and significantother. At least, there was supposed to be.“Liam is an idiot and an asshole,” Alex said flatly. “If you let lesserpeople determine your self-worth, you’ll never reach higher than their limitedimagination.” He leaned forward, his expression intense. “You don’t have towork overtime to get people to love you, Ava. Love isn’t earned, it’s given.”My heart rattled in my chest. “I thought you didn’t believe in love.”“Personally? No. But love is like money. Its worth is determined by thosewho believe in it. And you obviously do.”Such a cynical, Alex way to look at it, but I appreciated hisstraightforwardness.“Thank you,” I said. “For listening to me and…everything.”He released my hand, and I curled it into a light fist, mourning hiswarmth.“If you really want to thank me, you’ll take Krav Maga lessons.” Alexarched an eyebrow, and I laughed softly, grateful for the small break. It’dbeen a heavy night.“Okay, but you have to sit for a portrait with me.”The idea came to me on a whim, but the more I thought about it, the moreI realized I’d never wanted to photograph someone as much as I wanted tophotograph Alex. I wanted to peel back those layers and reveal the fire Iknew beat within that cold, beautiful chest.Alex’s nostrils flared. “You’re negotiating with me.”“Yes.” I held my breath, hoping, praying…“Fine. One session.”I couldn’t hold back my smile.I was right. Alex Volkov did have a multilayered heart.

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