bad girl, bad boy

February 20th, 2014

Dear Jeongguk,

I saw you today. I watched you through your bathroom window, snapping pictures of you in the bathroom on my phone. I could never get enough of your godly body. Oh, I also went back into your apartment last night whilst you were asleep. I took more photos and took some more of your dirty clothes.

I'm addicted to you. So, so addicted to you. You're like my drug. I just want you so much. Why do you never notice me? All I want is for you to love me, and yet all I get is your ignorance.

And your betrayal. You just spend all your time with Kim Yugyeom.

I saw you stand on your toes to peck him on the lips. Do you love him, Kookie?

What does he have that I don't? I'm tall, too! Perhaps not as tall as him, but I'm still a centimetre or two taller than you! And plus, he's not even that good-looking. My smile is so much more beautiful than his, and my smile belongs to you.

And you belong to me. I will have you in my arms, sooner or later.

Forever yours,

Your secret admirer.

February 28th, 2014

Dear Jeongguk,

Happy one month, Kookie! It's been one month since I fell in love with you! How should I celebrate this? Oh! I know! I'll send you these letters!

Hm, no, not yet. Oh maybe I'll send you some flowers! Yes! Flowers! I'll give you roses and some love letters with cheesy poems. I'm sure you'll love them!

I mean, you've seemed down lately, and I want to know why. I went to talk to you and inquire about it. You kind of seemed distant and hesitant to talk to me. I asked where Yugyeom was, and to this, you had shrugged, tears glistening in your huge doe eyes.

Your lower lip was trembling, and you shook your head. Your black hair swished around your face, the sparkling tears finally falling. It hurt to see you so sad, so I had dragged you from the classroom and to a bathroom. It was empty, thank god, and you had finally cracked, latching onto me and burying your face into my chest.

Your shoulders trembled with each choked sob, and it physically pained me to hear you and see you in this state. You finally began to whisper words. They were incomprehensible, but I could make them out.

Yugyeom was reported missing a couple of days ago and it was hurting you so much to not have him by your side. You told me your father was fighting with you to get you to move back in with them, but you refused since he never treated you very well to begin with.

I had rubbed your back soothingly, lowering myself down to the tiles because I could feel your knees wobbling. You collapsed into me, your sobs now soft hiccups. I had shushed you and whispered soft nothings in your ears.

It made me so so happy to have you finally in my arms. Who knew all it took was taking Yugyeom away from you?

You're mine now.

Love, your secret admirer.

March 6th, 2014

Dear Jeongguk,

I hid the roses and love poems in your locker. When you opened it up, they had fallen out over you. You read the poems, and you laughed. I mentally fist-pumped the air. It worked!

But you were still miserable. But you still came to me. You came and sat with me at lunch, leant your head on my shoulder and fell asleep. I took another photo of you. You just looked so peaceful—but I could tell you weren't getting a lot of sleep.

You had heavy grey bags sagging below your large eyes, and your skin was much paler than usual. I had trailed my fingertips across your cheek and sighed, shaking you awake. I had suggested I take you home, since you looked sickly. You agreed, and we got permission to leave.

When we got to your apartment, I got you into your bed, and smiled at you to calm you down. Before I could leave you to sleep, you had reached out and grabbed my wrist, halting me in my tracks.

"Don't go," you had whispered, your voice shaky. "I-I'm scared."

I had looked at you in confusion, but climbed into your bed with you nonetheless. You clung to me like a child, your face burying itself into my chest. I was hoping you couldn't hear my heart, because I was so ecstatic to be so close to you.

I could feel your heat, I could feel you against me. It took everything in me to not trail my hands down your sides and feel your beautiful body. I had carded my fingers through your hair and your even breath told me you were drifting off.

"Thank you for being such a good friend."

I think my heart stopped at that moment.

Friend? I don't think so.

I love you, Jeongguk. I love you. A friend wouldn't do this. Why won't you realise this?! I love you. I love you. I love you. You're mine. Only mine.

Your secret admirer.

March 13th, 2014

Dear Jeongguk,

Yugyeom is slowly fading. Physically, and from your mind. I stabbed him in the stomach this afternoon, and decided to leave the knife in this time. He was crying, too weak to pull against the ropes holding his limp body up.

He was such a pitiful being. If he really loved you, he would have fought for you. But he was weak and I guess he found that out the hard way.

I left him, cursing at me as I shut and locked the basement door. I had to think for a bit. What should I do now? You plagued my thoughts 24/7, so much so, little to nothing else mattered to me anymore.

I walked upstairs to my bedroom, and rummaged through my drawers for my stash of photographs of you. I got them all printed out, so I could stare at them as I masturbated to you.

My favourite picture was the first one I took of you—one of you in your bed, feverish and unconscious. Your red cheeks and disheveled clothes looked like you had just had the best sex of your life. And it was me who had fucked you into oblivion in my fantasies.

I also had a collection of things of yours. Like apple cores, chewed gum, used tissues (I found some tissues in your bin in your bedroom with your *** in them. I had hit the jackpot!), your dirty laundry, etc.

This just shows my love and devotion to you, my love.

But I was thinking, how do I keep a close eye on you? What if another man like Yugyeom takes an interest in you and takes you away from me?

I had an epiphany once I had finished jacking off to my favourite photograph of you.

I'll just move into your apartment.

Your secret admirer.

March 20th, 2014

Dear Jeongguk,

You haven't noticed me living in your apartment yet, have you? If you have, you're excellent at acting oblivious to it.

I don't want to be your friend. I want to be your lover. That's why I'm watching you so closely.

At school, you seemed paranoid, so I pulled you to the side and asked you what was wrong. You once again looked on the verge of a breakdown, your fingers picking at each other and your hands trembling.

You told me you were scared. You had a feeling someone was stalking you.

I was livid. Someone had the audacity to follow you? You were mine—how dare they stalk such a beautiful boy like you?

What if this man takes you away from me? You know what?

I'm going to give all my letters and treasures of you to you. I want you to finally notice my love for you.

So today, I went to my house. I went to the basement, and took one last photo of a barely-alive Yugyeom before I pulled the knife from his torso and slitting his throat. I took another photo, and wandered upstairs to print off these photos.

I placed all the letters into a package, including my precious photographs of you, and my treasures of you. I was going to leave this package in your bedroom, and I'll wait for you.

I'll write one last letter to go into the package. I'll be sure to date the letters so you can read them in chronological order.

I love you Jeon Jeongguk.

Your secret admirer.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***