Epilogue

Do you ever feel like you're a stranger in your own family. Like an imposter in the place you are supposed to call home. Well I do and it's so tiring to pretend. To pretend it does not hurt because when you show it you become the worst possible child or human to exist. Like anything you do is wrong or that anything you say is put against you.

My eldest brother died way before I was born, sometimes I wish it was me who left this cruel cruel word. Always trying to be a good girl, trying hard to keep your parents happy but they never will truly be happy with you. Everyday I am reminded that I am nothing compared to my parents, my mother even told me once that I never will be half the woman she is just because I told her favourite child I'm not his mother and to cook is own food. Well I suppose everything is good for me since I'm the younger child. I'm the one who has it the easiest in life, the one you is spoilt. That no one will believe what you say because you use your words lightly and you can't control your emotions. My brother once called me a homewrecker and I'm only 15, I told my mother and when she asked him, he told her that he called a home recorder and she believed him. Sometimes being you is not enough, sometimes you have to just be lucky. In this world sharing the same DNA does not mean you belong to the same family even if you share the same parents. Every time my mother says she loves my siblings and I equally I find it hard to believe. I just wish I could meet her expectations. She will always love my sister and brother over me..... After her first son died and is gifted with a girl so obviously she is the most perfect child then she is gifted with a boy so obviously she has to pamper him because he is perfect in her eyes and then there is me. An extra, not a blessing maybe even a curse. Everyone is better than me in every aspect of life. My siblings are smart and talented and driven. Other children my age are amazing in whatever they do. Sometimes I think God made a mistake and that's how my parents conceived me. I just realised I'm not an asset to my parents I'm a liability. Maybe one day when I'm far far away they will realise my worth...... or maybe even then they will put a show on my funeral and then carry on with their lives as if I never existed. I should try that you know.......... just to see who will come to my funeral for formalities and the ones that actually care for me. I doubt there will be many people who would be there because they care for me.

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