Episode 9

...XAVIER AMERY...

Although I tried to keep my divorce under wraps, I couldn’t prevent it from becoming news. To make matters worse, anonymous sources leaked to the press that I was a poor lover and that I needed to take some kind of drug to function as a man.

I couldn’t believe that my name, my good name and impeccable reputation, would be so vilely and despicably riddled with bullets.

I sued those who tried to spread that terrible rumor. Whether or not I was a bad lover, the truth is that I never needed any drugs to attain an erection.

I suspected that behind it all was Virginia, my ex-wife because perhaps she wanted to extract more benefits from me or something she couldn’t get.

Although those who harmed me in the spectacle issued public apologies for spreading false news and paid a hefty fine as a penalty, this could not erase the damage they had done.

I felt ashamed, utterly ashamed. I went from being known as a successful businessman to a businessman incapable of achieving an erection.

Some women approached me to see if the rumor was true but finding out their intention, I just withdrew, thereby fueling the false rumors.

I immersed myself in work, day after day the same. My son with nannies, and me working more than I should just to avoid thinking.

I know that the path I was taking was not ideal, but we all deal with grief in different ways. Crying over spilled milk is no use now, but at least it helped me avoid thinking about how at just thirty-two years old, my life was ruined, at least sentimentally.

A family lunch at my parents' house brought us all together. The only one without a partner and with a child, me. I felt uncomfortable with my own family. They told me I had become bitter and I know they’re right, so why should I be angry?

"My grandson needs a mother," my mother's direct and unvarnished comment made me drop my fork before I had even tasted a bite.

"That's not your concern, mother, I'm an adult man, no longer a child you can order around," I replied defensively to forget the subject once and for all.

"I'm not giving you orders, I'm stating the obvious. You need a wife or girlfriend, whatever can provide your son with a maternal figure," she argued seriously.

My mother is a very wise person, someone unafraid to speak her mind. The most sensible person I know, as well as temperamental. She didn't raise us with beatings or exemplary punishments, but she always demonstrated her words with solid and strong arguments. Along with my father, they made us good people with a promising future.

"I understand what you're saying, but after what happened, the last thing I want is to be in a relationship that ends up being a terrible example for my son. He has endured enough at such a young age without adding to the misfortunes," I rose from the table and went to the garden for some fresh air.

I stayed thinking about what my mother had said even though I didn't want to. I didn't want to know anything about it.

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place. I am not ready for another failure. I went from one to another, each worse than the last; I don't know what else is lacking.

My brother came over and stood silently, waiting for me to unburden myself to him as I used to when I was younger.

"I will not get married again," I asserted.

"Never say never, you might be wrong," he said.

"Surely you know what they say about me so much, but I don't want another partner just for that," his hand rested on my shoulder.

"If I say you're a thief and that news spreads, how would you feel?" he asked, and I looked at him, puzzled by his point.

"It wouldn't affect me because I know I've never stolen anything in my life," I was firm in my response.

"Are you bad in bed? I know you gave everything for your wife; I doubt that was the issue, and if she had told you that you needed to change a specific action or attitude, you would have done it to make her feel better," he knew he was right, but I still didn't quite get what he was driving at.

"Yes, but I don't understand what you're getting at."

"Do you consider yourself as being bad in bed? If a woman like Virginia, who obviously enjoys orgies, says something like this, I would not feel bad because it is more than obvious that she does not want just one man in her bed at the same time."

"I understand, but she wasn’t the only one who said that to me."

"My point remains the same, if a woman asks you to modify certain behaviors, you do so, but if they say nothing, it is not your fault. Think about it."

My brother left me alone and went back inside.

When I rejoined my family, feeling more composed, I saw my son playing with other children. I would have liked to give him a larger family with siblings and a mother, but now it's just him and me. This is my life as a single father.

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