Flashbacks and trying again

Ahmed was 6 years old complaining to his mum that he

didn't want to drink the juice with furious behavior

because its taste is sour. His mum goes to the kitchen

and adds half spoon of sugar to the glass of juice and

stirs it.

Ahmed’s mum: Come on Ahmed, I added sugar. It will

taste better.

Ahmed who was irritated and rubbing: No mum... It is

still sour. I don’t want No.

Ahmed’s mum, who was getting hopeless and stressed

but must make him drink the juice, decided to play a

game with her son. She told him to close his eyes and

think of a tasty sugary Coke can while drinking the juice,

and if he did that, she would give him a real Coke can.

Ahmed agrees and closes his eyes and drinks the whole

juice in courage, then puts the glass on the table

demanding for his can of Coke. His mum told him to go

to his room and she will bring it to him there. He was

skeptical but had no other choice. His mum took a coke

can with apple flavor and poured it in the wash and filled

it with apple juice. She went to Ahmed with the can and

told him in a smiling face: here is your coke apple

flavored can! Cheers! You are my superhero lovely

angel. Ahmed drank a bit of the can which he couldn’t

taste any soda in it except apple juice and fell asleep.

Back to the present:

Marwa’s friends were listening to the One Direction

band. They were talking about how amazing Liam is! And

how gorgeous Zayn is! And how kiddy Harry is! They

were enjoying a new song from a new album. They felt

sad that Zayn is not with them anymore. Marwa wasn’t

into their music or as she appeared to be. In her

daydreaming cycles, she was listening to them and tried

to avoid showing that thing to the others. The boys

weren’t enjoying One Direction because the girls liked

them. Marwa silently told herself that they must want

the girls to like them, not One Direction! Marwa was

happy to have friends who defend her in front of the

boys anywhere and everywhere. The boys started to talk

badly about Marwa because they knew that she made

Ahmed broken, but the girls were replying with

confidence to defend their friend. Marwa didn’t care to

the utmost point she excluded these things from her

head.

One day at the class, Ahmed was sitting at the back as

he used to. Marwa was sitting at the front on the other

side of the class. Marwa was getting anxious and

stressed when she saw him or recognized his presence.

Suddenly, Ahmed decided to try again and sat beside

Marwa on the other side of the boys at the front of the

classroom. Ahmed and Marwa are now on one row.

Marwa felt stressed. They started to listen to the lecture

and write notes or pretend to. As Ahmed gets the book

on the desk, Marwa gets the book on the desk as well

unconsciously. When Ahmed put the notebook on his

legs, Marwa does the same thing without having

intention. She feels she is magically controlled by him.

So, she put the notebook on the desk in anger. Ahmed

was noticing everything from the beginning and smiled,

but when he looked at her again, he felt she was really

angry, not only hiding her feelings. So, he looked at the

floor with hidden sadness. When the class ended, he

stood up to get out of the class. He looked at her again,

he felt sad and depressed. Marwa was hiding her

expressions but noticed how sad he is sad. She couldn’t

do a thing for him. The girls in the class, who liked

Ahmed as well, noticed everything and became sad for

him.

Marwa was having an engagement party with her

friends. Marwa wasn’t obsessed with girls’ stuff like

makeup and dresses, but she decided to buy an eyeliner

when she became 17. She bought the eyeliner and

applied it to herself. Her eyes looked like a cat-eye. She

shared a picture of her eyes with her friend, and she said

they are cool. Marwa always felt she was not happy

among her friends. There was always a thing that made

her afraid of life and couldn’t break that feeling of fear

for a long time. She felt she had a strong need to get rid

of the standards she put to her life and start a new life.

She was losing every moment of happiness because of

repression for the sake of being mature, but it didn’t

make her healthy.

Marwa started to study Ahmed’s personality to know

how to deal with these emotions. She started to study a

lot about mental health to stop her daydreaming. She

kept daydreaming of many things because she was

introvert. She was daydreaming of talking to her

teachers about her dreams of being an engineer as she

had great mathematical skills. She was analyzing as she

can and searching about what she has of symptoms. She

was rolling around herself in the place talking to herself,

or to some people in her head. She never saw someone

who does the same thing. She used to do that without

being seen since a long time. She felt she is irrational

and unstable. She used to absorb her daily emotions all

day and when she is home at her room, she puts them

out in daydreams of her own preferred design. This

made her dissociated to the point she can’t understand

if she loves or not, of a person loves her or not. Her

problems with herself were able to be handled, but her

feelings to the others couldn’t be solved with that ease.

Marwa couldn’t keep her emotions inside, she wanted

to tell him about her emotions. She decided to sing for

him on the last day of exams in the last semester of that

year. Ahmed came to the corridor where she decided to

sing as he knew she decided to sing, he stood by the

door and listened. Marwa sang from her heart like she is

really singing for him not for her friends at the class!

After she finished, Ahmed looked at her with a smile.

Marwa was also smiling but looked away as she was not

smiling at him.

Last day at school that year came. After finishing the

exam, all the boys and girls were happy to end school

and to be seniors. They were taking pictures of the last

day at school. When Marwa saw Ahmed talking to a girl

to take a picture of the boys and girls together, Marwa

felt jealous. Then, Marwa decided to talk to them and

told them: is there any problem? But none of them

answered. They didn’t even look at her. She didn’t have

the courage to repeat the question, by this time, she

was giving the last chance to him to talk to her directly.

Then, after taking the picture, Marwa decided to ask

Ahmed’s friend about the picture quality. Ahmed was

looking with torture and jealousy, but she looked at him

he looked on the floor. Marwa was like getting revenge

at the same time.

Marwa sat with some mates to take the last pictures,

while Ahmed was taking pictures with some friends in

front of her. He felt stressed when she came to take

pictures with her mates. At the end, Marwa stood up to

leave and waved at her friends for the last time. Ahmed

looked at her leaving the place like he knew that he

wouldn't see her again. He was very sad and tortured,

he forced himself to look at the camera to not make

anyone feel with his pain. Marwa ignored him and

looked at her like she was leaving her love beside her

and looking for her dream to be a scientist in a great

university.

Ahmed went home and couldn’t cry that day despite

wanting to. He used to be sad from inside since that day.

Marwa went home and looked at the mirror after

throwing her books. She felt she must change that

person in front of her in the mirror. She is not what she

wants. She decided to disappear from the community

she is in and plan to study abroad to be far away more.

How can all these prayers be that long?! Ahmed asked

himself when he was praying in a masjid. He told his

friend Omar that they took a lot of time. It has been 30

minutes for the first unit! They both decided to get out

and finish their prayers on their own.

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