The Farewell. . . .

For three years those feelings continued to stay strong as Akari and I spent time together.

We both decided we would attend the same junior high school that wasn't far from our residences and studied hard, spending more and more time together.

We probably became aware of how more mentally mature we were than other children and that we were introverted, caught up in our own little world but we were convinced it was all part of preparing ourselves for our junior high school life.

We were going to graduate from elementary school away from the classmates.

we didn't get along with and start a whole new junior high life with new students and our world was going to grow bigger.

We also hoped that it would help us clearly ascertain and express the strong feelings we had for each other.

It might be the time when we will be able to express our love to each other.

The distance between us and our surroundings ,

the distance between Akari and I would surely grow smaller.

We were going to have more power and we were going to have more freedom.

Now that I think about it, perhaps we knew that we were going to lose something when we kept exchanging bits of knowledge with each other.

Clearly we were captivated by each other and wished to be together forever but - perhaps it was because we transferred schools so many times - we knew at the same time that that wish couldn't come true and felt fear in our hearts.

Maybe we tried to leave as much memories of ourselves with each other because we knew one day we wouldn't be together any more.

Indeed in the end, Akari and I were separated and attended different junior high schools.

One winter night when we were still in elementary six, Akari called to let me know.

It was rare for Akari to call because we hardly ever talked to each other by phone and it was late (at the time anyway which was around nine o'clock).

I had a bad feeling when my mothertold me it was Akari and handed the phone to me.

"I'm sorry, Takaki kun," Akari said in a tiny little voice. What followed were words that ,

I didn't want to hear or believe.

We can't go to the same junior high school anymore, she said. She said her father had decided to move to a small town in the northern part of Kantou to work.

She was shaking as if she was going to cry. I just couldn't understand why. I suddenly felt something burning inside but my head felt cold.

I just couldn't understand why Akari had to tell me this.

"What. . . But what about Nishinaka High? They've already accepted you there," I finally managed to say.

"He says he will arrange for me to go to Tochigi. . . I'm sorry."

I could hear the sound of a car drive by in the background which meant she was calling from a public telephone box.

Even though I was in my room, I sat down on the tatami mat, hugging my knees as if I could feel the coldness from there creeping into my fingers.

I didn't know what I should have said to her but felt I had to say something and make my heart feel less heavy.

"No, it's not your fault Akari. . . "

"I told him I wanted to stay with my aunt in Katsushika so that I could stay but he said I

had to be older first. . . "

As I heard Akari try hard to stop herself from crying I suddenly wanted to hang up because I didn't want to hear it.

Before I knew it I had cried out loudly to her, ". . . I know what you're saying already!"

I could hear her gasp yet, it didn't stop me from continuing.

"Forget about it. . . " I said to her in a firm voice. "Just forget about it. . . "

I repeated desperately trying to hold back my own tears. Why. . . Why did it always have to turn out this way?

After ten seconds of silence Akari managed to say "sorry" again with her sobbing voice.

I kept the phone pressed hard against my ear with my head hanging down.

I couldn't take it away from my ear and I couldn't hang up either. I knew what I had said over the phone had hurt Akari.

But there was nothing I could do. I hadn't learned how to control my feelings at the time.

After the unpleasant call I had with Akari finally ended, I just sat there hugging my knees.

Over the next couple of days, I felt very bad. I was very ashamed of myself that I didn't manage to say anything nice to Akari even though I knew she must have been very worried.

With such feelings still lingering in our minds, Akari and I separated awkwardly on the day of our graduation ceremony.

That day right after the ceremony, she had approached me and said in her pleasant voice, "So this is farewell. . . " but I had hung my head in shame, unable to say anything back.

I had thought to myself it couldn't be helped. I had depended upon Akari up until now. I had planned on trying to become more mature because she was going to be there with me but now I couldn't.

I was still very much a young child. I thought to myself I can't stay like this forever and let an invisible force take everything away from me.

Even if Akari had no choice, we weren't supposed to be separated like this. We were never supposed to be separated.

the seperation will hurts us forever till we meet again. we will never know that we will be together forever or this is the last time being together.

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