Chapter Two

Chapter Two

I ran, and ran. I ran until breathless. Right when I reached the entrance of the main square, Junji had caught my glance, watching as I struggle to catch my breath after completing a whole 0.5 mile run. I glance back up at him. He was with a girl. He seemed to ignore me, and paid all his attention to the girl, not even looking back at me once. From a distance, I could tell he was sending her off somewhere. I could see the joy his expression was full of. The warmth of it. The sweetness of it. I watched as the two of them hugged each other goodbye with disgust. Was it really because he didn’t love me anymore? Or was it because he was cheating on me? The fury inside me was rising rapidly, but I tried to contain it. After all those months together, this is what I end up with? Betrayal? I slowly walk up to him once that person he was with was gone. My footsteps felt heavy with each step. I take a deep breath before I talk.

“Junji, it’s been a while, right?” I ask, trying to sound as casual as possible. He glances at me, his gaze cold and piercing. I could feel the tension between the two of us, knowing that this won’t end well.

“Yeah. It has.” He said, his voice and expression dull and cold. He clearly had no interest for me, and barely even made any eye contact.

“So…how’ve you been over the year we didn’t talk for?” I ask, trying to emphasize my point.

“Good. It was much better without you there,” he said. My heart dropped right at the last word. So the truth was he didn’t like my presence?

“And you…?” he asks. I take a long pause. So long that it’d seemed like I’d completely forgot what he’d just said.

“I’ve been better. Glad to know you’re alright.” I say, not knowing what else I could say. We both then stood there in an awkward silence, barely even taking any glances towards each other. Junji then breaks it.

“Also, why would you think of seeing me again when I clearly said in the note that we’d ended it here?” he asked, with a tone of annoyance in his voice.

“Well, I at least wanted a proper confrontation between each other. First of all, where the hell were you all this time? I waited for a whole year for you to come back, and yet you never came. You basically left me.” I say, a tone of pity in my voice.

“I don’t want to talk about it. So it’s either you get heartbroken, or just leave. We’ve ended long ago. Alright? We’re done here.” he states broadly. He was just about to walk past me, but I stop him right in his tracks.

“And who said I was done?” I ask. I hear him give out an annoyed grunt, and he turns back to face me.

“Then what is it? Because if it’s not useful, then keep that mouth of yours shut. I’ve got better things to do,” he said, the atmosphere becoming ice cold.

“Second of all, why haven’t you been answering my texts?” I ask. It was truly a genuine question.

“Because I removed my SD card from my old phone. Now I don’t know where the hell it went. Look, I don’t have time for this, and I have to leave really soon. So we’re just gonna end things here. For good. We’re over completely.” He said as he ran over to the gate of main square.

“So I’m guessing you don’t even have the promise rings, right?” I shout from over 5 meters.

“If I did still have it, what the hell would I even do with it?” he asks. “Anyway, I threw it away. Somewhere in the forest…but I can tell you didn’t. So go ahead and think whatever you want. But just note, don’t ever think that we’re getting back together.” I heard him mutter. But still, these words didn’t stop me.

Immediately, I ran up to the gate and tugged him back to me by his wrist. He pulls away right when he felt my touch and looked back at me. “Just how many times do have to tell you—” he said in a tone that I’d never thought I would hear him speak in.

“But just why did you leave me in the first place??” I ask, my quiet voice starting to turn into a shout.

“Because I don’t love you anymore!” he shouted at me. “You always thought what you wanted to think, and you never thought about what others thought! You never thought or gave a **** about me, and you only thought about yourself, even when I tried everything I could do to make you happy!”

We look at each other for a long while; I had tears slowly running down my cheeks in this rain, while he was just fuming in anger. This reminded me a lot of the scene I filmed earlier. In fact, it was so similar, I felt as though I was having déjà vu.

“You’re fucking crying now, aren’t you?” he asked, his voice much more normal, but it still provoked. “You’re fucking crying when you should know that you were the reason that I left you, huh? That’s it. I’m leaving. I’m not gonna stay here in this rain just to argue with you.”

I wanted to think this was all just a dream. I wanted to think that Junji would run back to me and hug me from behind, saying that this was all just a sick joke. I wanted to feel the warmth of his arms again. That’s how I thought his reaction would be when I’d finally meet him. But no. It just had to be the exact opposite. I wanted to cry. I really did. But I knew I could better. He already gave me what I’d wanted. At least a word from him. Regardless of what it was. By this time, I could feel tears slowly running down my cheeks. I shouldn’t be crying though. I could do better than this. I’m a strong man. And I should be strong with situations like this. This should’ve been nothing to me.

As I stand, alone, in the slowly darkening square, I hear footsteps splashing through the rainwater that lined the pavements. “Rie!!” Yoojung said from behind me. He lays a hand on my shoulder. “you alright, Rie? I saw what happened…Junji was just being a jerk at that time. He didn’t acknowledge you and everything you did just to get him to talk to you.” He said. “c’mon, let’s go back to the van. Jin Young drove all the way here to pick us up.” He then leads me back to the van, and I’m just barely walking there, sobbing and about to cry my heart out. As I took a seat right at the back, Jin Young looks back from the driver’s seat, all the way to me and Yoojung. “Rie, you alright?” he asks. “What happened while I was gone, Yoojung?”

“His boyfriend, well…ex-boyfriend. I guess he was heartbroken by him…”

“Aw, damn whoever that bastard was. Rie, you don’t deserve such a man like him…” he said with much empathy in his voice.

At that point, I could barely even talk. My chest started to hurt because of all that sobbing, and my eyes felt dry like they were burning. I had to stop crying at some point, right? But I just couldn’t . I was in such a state of agony at that time, that I could barely even concentrate to my surroundings.

“Rie, if you want, I can give you an few days off, depending on the time it’ll take you to be a tiny bit better than your current state,” Jin Young suggests. I still say nothing. More like I couldn’t say anything. I just didn’t have any energy left in me anymore.

“What about the show?” I manage to say through sobs.

“It can be on hiatus. We have plenty of prerecorded episodes. We’ll be fine with a week out of work.” He says. I gaze out the car’s window and watched as we drove through the pouring rain, the tires splashing through the road that was filled with almost an inch of rain. We then come into a halt. Traffic lights again. The hazy red light glowed amongst the darkness of the sky. Then flicked to yellow. Then to green. We drove off again. Back into the darkness that surrounded us, with only a tiny bit of streetlight, as all you could see was the mist from the rain.

. . .

I see myself back in my flat after a two hour drive, exhausted and tired after all that’d just happened throughout a 5 hour timestamp. I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling through the dark, not a slight bit of light coming from my window or anything. I flicked on my lampshade on the bedside table, knowing that I can’t stay in this darkness forever. Why? I thought. Why did it have to end like this with me and Junji? Couldn’t the ending be better, at least? I turned to my right and picked up my phone. No new messages. Only one. From Yoojung.

“you okay?” He asked. No. I wasn’t okay. But I should be. It shouldn’t be the end of the world just because I broke up with my loved one. My world wouldn’t change without him. I’ll still be living my own life. My own everything.

Me: “yeah, we’re doing great at the moment.”

Yoojung: “Do you really mean that, though?”

Me: “no. I don’t.”

Yoojung: “Rie, like we said, if something’s wrong, talk to us. I get why you don’t want to, but it won’t just help if you stay silent.”

Me: “I know…it’s just that…I should know that I should be stronger in these situations. I’ve just…never been through things like this in my life…so now I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

As I typed in each word to our chat, I could feel the tears starting to burn through. I’ve cried enough today, and yet I still am. God…I’m such a weakling. Just why can’t I handle this? Am I that heartbroken? We haven’t even talked in a year. What’s the point of crying over someone who doesn’t even give a **** about you anymore? I then look back at my phone.

Yoojung: “You should try to make him listen to you. You said that when you talked to him before, he said he so-called “didn’t have time for you,” right?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Yoojung: “then tell him if you both can have a personal talk with each other. That way you can get a better answer from him. And if he still says shit about you, then you should know that you shouldn’t be crying over some bastard like him. You’re just too good for him.”

I’ve never appreciated Yoojung this much. And he’s never been smarter than this. He was right. Definitely right. But even though he was, I still didn’t want to go back to Haebangchon just to have a talk with Junji. It’s rather a waist of time, and it wouldn’t benefit the both of us. Only me. “Thanks,” I tell him, with a few other things, then I place my phone back to its charging station, flicking off the light after. I was exhausted. My eyes felt so dry that even closing them hurt. I stare at the ceiling, not even blinking once. My eyes then start to feel hazy, and I start to drift off to sleep.

. . .

1 week later…

My eyes then flash open with the sound of my alarm, making it’s annoying, repetitive sound. I haven’t gone to work or did much for the past week, since Jin Young allowed me to have a break for a while. I guess you could say that I’m doing much better than my state last week, which was rather an improvement, because I thought I’d never get better (stupid, Rie). I haven’t been crying much. Nor have I been thinking about Junji. But I still wanted to have a proper talk with him. I just didn’t know when. I couldn’t say it through text, as he removed his SD card, and nor could I talk in person, as Haebangchon was a two hour drive from Seoul. So then what was I supposed to do? I drowsily walk into the bathroom and glare upon myself on the mirror. God, I’m a mess. I thought. After washing up, I had a quick breakfast and immediately headed for the company. I’d be marked late if I took my time. I’d only had 10 minutes to get there. I threw my bag off my shoulder and started the car.

The autumn had suddenly become so cold and meanings less. I gazed out from my window when I’d reached a stop light. I would’ve found this beautiful. But I don’t. Why? I don’t know. It’s just been so long since I’d actually been out. I watched as the reddening leaves fell onto the ground and pavement, just to get stepped on later. What a pity. I then flick my view back to the traffic light. Yellow. Then green. That was my turn to go. I stepped on the gas pedal and kept my foot on it. I was going too fast. I was sure of that. Each turn I made became a drift, making an uneasy screech. My car then came into an abrupt stop once I reached the second stop light today. ****. I almost killed myself. “good god…” I muttered to myself as I stared down to the wheel. What have I gotten myself into?

I then pull up to the parking lot of the filming set, meeting Yoojung there. Right when he laid his eyes on me, his eyes sparked with joy, happy to see me after all this time. “Rie!! You’re back!! I was all lonely for this past week, doing all my single scenes for the whole day…” he said, sounding pitiful by the last sentence. I did a little run up to him and gave him a hug.

“I was also lonely this week…” I say, my tone quiet and could barely be heard. As we walk through the front door, everyone started to lay their eyes on me, like I was a completely different person. Was it because they hadn’t seen me for a while? But I didn’t care. As long as I was back and happy. Well…maybe the “happy” part was a lie, but at least I’m doing much better than last week.

Director Jin Young then walked up to me. “Rie! You feeling a bit better now?” He asks.

“Yeah…I guess. How sincere of you.” I say, tired of the question if I’m alright. Because it was clear I wasn’t alright. At least I thought it was.

“We’ve started to run out of scenes to film without you here. But right now, that doesn’t matter. As long as you’re alright with getting straight into the filming, then we’ll do it. If you can’t, just tell us anytime.”

“Yeah…sure.” I mutter. I then walk into the changing room and look for the outfit I was meant to be in for this shot. It was much like my casual wear. I did most of the things myself. No one had seemed to be there. So I even put on the makeup myself. Just as I was in the middle of fixing my hair up, I hear a knock at the door.

“Rie, you done in there? Jin Young is looking for you,” Yoojung said through the other side of the door.

“Almost!” I shout from my side. I then rush back out and peek through the changing room door. Yoojung was standing there with Jin Young. It’d seemed like they were discussing something, I just couldn’t tell what. Their words sounded muffled, even though they were less than 3 meters from the door. I then walk out, and they flick their gaze to me.

“Ah, Rie! Perfect time for you to be here!” Jin Young says.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“So, a bit of a problem. Since this scene takes place 3 years later from the last one, the manager decided to let it be in a different place, other than Seoul, since she thought it would be odd for Jae Hyun (my character) to stay in the same place for such a long time…” He explained. But I could barely even tell what was so wrong about the idea, until he explained further. “and she decided to move our set to Haebangchon…” he stated. Well ****. I’m gonna have to move the film all the way to Haebangchon. The place I’ve been avoiding for long.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***