Episode 14

The silence in the room had lasted for a few minutes, and Benicio stood in front of the window, hands in his pockets, gazing outside. The other man in the room silently observed him. Benicio remained like that for a while before turning around and facing the man.

"Isn't this exhausting?" Benicio asked the man in front of him.

Benicio's therapist gave a slight smile, crossed his legs, and adjusted the small notebook and pen he held in his hands before responding to his patient.

"It depends. What are you talking about?"

"Standing there, waiting for your patients to decide to say something."

The therapist replied, "That's part of my job. I can't force my patients to speak and open up. I need each one to do that so we can get to the root cause and solution of their problems. I have to respect each patient's timing. I've had cases where a person would spend all their time sitting in silence until they decided to open up," he answered, trying to clarify that doubt.

"But you already know what my problem is, my abnormality."

"As I've said before, you are not an abnormal person, Benicio. What we have to work on here is your acceptance of what you feel and who you are. Your problem is not something I can recommend therapy for or prescribe medication to make it disappear. I asked you this question once before, and I'll ask it again: are you happy being the person you pretend to be?"

Deep down, Benicio knew the answer, but he hesitated to admit what he already knew. He hid behind a character he had created himself, but his true self constantly confronted him.

"I'm not, but I also don't want to be that other person. I need to be what everyone has always expected of me: a successful leader, a family man with a wife and children."

"But what about what you want? Where are your desires and wishes? Where have they been all these years? We've already talked about the reason for your crises. You put a lot of pressure on yourself, Benicio, and that's what causes all your anxiety," he explained once again, trying to make him understand.

"I already know all these things. What I want to know is when I will be cured. When will I stop having these absurd thoughts and desires?" Benicio turned to face the window again.

"You don't have an illness to be cured. You are going through a process of denial, Benicio. The first thing you need to leave behind are the words that were said to you in the past when you discovered how you felt."

Benicio was taken back to the past and the memories of the words he had heard. He knew that his therapist was directly confronting him, something necessary but not easy to face.

"It's not easy," he responded resignedly.

"I know, that's why we're here, so you can learn to deal with it and overcome it."

"But what about the person I mentioned?" He had already mentioned Adrian in that session.

"Have you ever considered that he might be the key to unlock the door that you insist on keeping closed? Let things happen naturally and don't force a retreat."

"Are you suggesting that I cancel my engagement?" Benicio turned around once again to face the therapist.

"Have you already considered that before?"

Once again, he was confronted with the truth. He had considered that possibility many times. Whenever he talked about the wedding, he felt pressured, as if it were his only choice, his escape from reality. As tormenting as the truth was, the thought of spending his life with Carla seemed even worse.

After another session of harsh truths spoken, even though he disagreed, he would end up thinking about it. Benicio went to the office, where it was even harder to be, as he saw Adrian constantly, which made him think more about that man. Since he spent part of the morning outside the office, Adrian had to adjust his schedule. When Benicio returned, he was informed of the modifications, and while his employee went over the information, Benicio avoided looking in his direction, which did not go unnoticed by Adrian, who wondered if Benicio was in a bad mood.

"Can we proceed with these schedules, sir? Or do you want to change anything?"

"No, you can go ahead with all of them. But for the lunch meeting, I will go alone this time. You can take care of the other tasks. When I come back, we can discuss the details of some documents," Benicio said without looking at Adrian.

Adrian left Benicio's office and pondered. Even though he didn't know Benicio very well, he noticed that something was different. He didn't know if it was because of his mistake the previous day or if there was a personal problem. However, he decided not to make any more mistakes that day, as he didn't want the situation to worsen.

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