CHAPTER 3

The job hunt goes poorly and Ignatius returns home having failed to get a job; as a bonus, though, he insulted a number of prospective employers.

Mrs. Reilly points out a job that he could apply for as a filing clerk at Levy's Pants.

Meanwhile, Officer Mancuso has, on a tip from Ignatius, decided to investigate the Night of Joy for employing B-girls.

He tells his sergeant about the tip, and the sergeant insults him and sends him off to wear funny dress.

But the sergeant decides to have other officers investigate the Night of Joy without giving Mancuso credit. Because life is unfair.

The scene shifts to Levy Pants, where Mr. Gonzalez, the office manager, is preparing for the day.

Levy Pants is a mess. It is rundown and the pay is bad, and employees quit as soon as they're hired, except for Miss Trixie, an elderly and senile assistant accountant.

Ignatius shows up, and his singular appearance impresses Gonzalez. Levy Pants's singular appearance impresses Ignatius. They were made for each other.

The job is accepted after some haggling. Everyone is happy… for the moment.

Over to the Night of Joy, where Lana Lee and Jones are squabbling about money; Jones says he's just waiting to report her to the police for some infraction.

A boy named George comes in, and Lana asks him how the orphans like what she sent them. It doesn't really seem like they're talking about orphans though (hint, hint.)

Ignatius is heading back home in a taxi, writing his observations about Levy Pants on some stationary.

He is pleased with his job, largely because he isn't actually expected to do much of anything.

He tells his mother that he got a job and she is very excited; he also lets her think that Miss Trixie is a young woman and that there is a chance that she and Ignatius will get together.

Mrs. Reilly goes out bowling with Officer Mancuso, much to Ignatius's horror.

In bitterness, Ignatius tears open a letter from his sort-of ex-girlfriend Myrna Minkoff.

She suggests he is paranoid and possibly homosexual; she also tells him he needs to have sex or he'll end up as an invalid. Some letter.

Also, she's in a play and wonders if he'd like to come to New York to play the landlord.

Ignatius determines that he will get even with her for her offensiveness.

Ignatius is working hard making important looking cardboard signs at Levy pants so that everyone will know that his workspace is important. He's not doing much in the way of filing, though.

He says he can't reach the lower drawers; Gonzalez brings him a tiny stool. Ignatius tries it, there is much kerfuffle, and everybody (Ignatius, Gonzalez, Miss Trixie) ends up in a heap on the floor.

Mr. Levy comes in and wonders, very reasonably, why all of his employees are in a heap on the floor.

The heap sorts itself, and Mr. Levy tells Gonzalez to write some letters in his name.

Ignatius decides that the letters are insufficiently forceful, and forges an incredibly abusive missive to Abelman's Dry Goods.

Meanwhile, over at the Night of Joy, Lana Lee tries to figure out why her bar is swarming with policemen all of a sudden.

Back at the Reilly home, Mrs. Reilly can't believe her good fortune in finally having Ignatius out of the house.

She remembers the night he was conceived—after she and Mr. Reilly saw the romantic film Red Dust—with a shudder.

There's a phone call from Santa Battaglia, Officer Mancuso's aunt, and Mrs. Reilly's friend.

Santa says an old man has been inquiring about Mrs. Reilly, and suggests he might have a romantic interest.

And now we head upscale, to the Levy home, where the Levys are busily and enthusiastically bickering with each other.

Mrs. Levy thinks Mr. Levy is a slacker who can't run his business; Mr. Levy thinks Mrs. Levy is a spoiled fool who should shut up and leave him alone. So they disagree.

Mrs. Levy wants to bring Miss Trixie to her house and make much of her, but Mr. Levy thinks they should let Miss Trixie retire and leave her alone. So they disagree.

Meanwhile, Ignatius is upset because the theater is showing an art movie (probably Ingmar Bergman's 1962 Winter Light).

Ignatius admires his former writing projects, but decides he has a new commercial endeavor: He's going to write about his life as a worker at Levy Pants.

In his journal, he says he's introduced an innovative new filing system.

He contemplates writing a nasty letter to Myrna, but decides he'll wait until he has organized social action at the Levy Pants factory.

He plays his lute, and Miss Annie, their neighbor, screams for him to stop as she always does.

Before he can get a bucket of water to toss in her window, Mrs. Reilly comes home from bowling with Mancuso and Santa.

Santa performs a vigorous and somewhat lewd dance in the kitchen, uniting Ignatius and Miss Annie across the street in disapproval.

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