"Geez... You know everybody used to tell me that I talk a lot and.. most of it is rubbish but I never gave them any mind but now that I literally am the only one to talk I realize just how much I actually unnecessarily talk. But... You said that you loved hearing me talk about my passion."
He stops, placing a kiss on the hand that he held.
"I'm sorry it's not passion but I still hope that it didn't change that, that we're still there.... There in Love with each other." He pressed his lips forcefully into a smile
"I miss you."
He took a deep breath whipping his tears and held the hand tighter.
"Do you remember from two years ago when you asked me that what would I like to have a gift on my birthday that year? I never gave you the answer right? "
The volume of his voice was getting lower and lower until only whispers came out.
It's his birthday again after a few days.
"My birthday is coming again it's after a few days ahead."
Hoseok internally broke once again to see no reaction not even a single one, but he doesn't voice it out.
"Do you maybe want to give me a gift?"
Heart limply beating in his chest he said.
"I just want you that's it, I'll understand if you don't want to see me again or if you'll hate.... Anything I'll understand but please all I want is for you to wake up and smile again."
"And if you don't want to see me when you wake up just give me a sign and I'll leave.. I swear I'll leave and you wouldn't have to face me ever again. "
"Give me a signal please, I can't do this anymore i- c-can't."
At first Hoseok came to visit everyday but as time passed the more he looked at Taehyung it started to hurt more and more and slowly he wasn't the same person anymore, everyone saw the change in his once bright eyes but no one mentioned it since the reason was too hurtful to bring up and talk about.
He visited less, at the start after one day then two then he'd visit once in a week and today he was here after total sixteen days more than two weeks.
Of course he counts every single day.
"If you don't give me the gift Tae. I- "
Hoseok looks down on his lap going over his decision one more time.
Taking a deep breath.
"I won't come here anymore- more like I won't be able to_ I know that Everyone would hit me, smack me in the face for making such a stupid decision but I can't do this anymore I know I should be patient and wait and give you time and not ask you to push yourself for me."
He intertwined his fingers with Taehyung's.
"I'll come here on my birthday.. yeah? Think about it for me? You once loved me Taehyung-ah you can't possibly hate me that much right?" He says his hand trembling now insecure about one thing that convinced him on such a decision.
"Taehyung-ah I- I'm very convinced that I'm better off... I , if everyone can do fine without you I'm sure they'll be fine without me too right? I think I lost the battle with my ownself."
"Last night I imagined how would it feel to just give up and be free from this- everything. Taehyung-ah I am not even worth it anymore." He cries without a shoulder to lean on.
"Just one last time on my birthday would you wake up and tell me that I'm wrong? Convince me other way around because I can't tell this to anyone else but you, can't trust anyone else but you, so please just wake up and tell me that I'm wrong, that I'm still yours."
He sat there for a long while still thinking of all of the possibilities. He never voiced out his insecurities to anyone. He was strong enough to pull himself together no matter what but last two years have him crumbled down on his knees.
Past the midnight he realized that he has to wake up in the morning their schedule still waiting ahead there waiting for them.
They've been receiving so many different kind of reactions some saying that they're not BTS without a member, some hating them for leaving Taehyung behind, some totally hating the company for making them work after what happened or what they are going through.
But no one knows what happened in the past. So no one can understand actually from what only Hoseok is going through.
"I'll be going Humm? Rest well and... Think about it please."
And what he always hesitated to say he said it today for one time because being the last time of saying it scares him.. so he does.
"Jagiya."
"Rest well." Hoseok smiled and left the room.
The guards outside bowed and so did he while he hide his tears just like every time.
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Updated 8 Episodes
Comments
🦋 bliss 🦋
updated fast author please 🥺🥺🥺
2023-05-19
0