Short story - Sylvia's urge

You'd think god would create something to cause the world to prosper and grow, but what if he got tired of watching us struggle to find our purpose. From the start of life it all started with an urge. The urge to fight for survival, the urge to eat, the urge to laugh or to cry, but the urge I was given can’t be compared to those who wish only to thrive. “Crash.” The star in which I resided had crashed. The silver casing that had surrounded me my entire life had been broken. My life had just started and yet I couldn’t move. My exhaustion took over so I lied there, silently listening. It’s quiet, nothing but the sound of the wind stirring and the gentle pitter patter of rain hitting the earth. 

It went on like this for hours, the blood from the gash in my leg  hardened before I made myself get up. The star that cocooned me, now was nothing more than a pile of ash on the ground. As I began to limp away I didn’t feel any pain from the gash, it was like it wasn’t there. This world is different from the cocoon I once called home. There’s more color, and I can see the emotions of the forest like a faint fog gently hovering around every aspect. There’s some happiness here but there’s also anger and confusion. The vivid colors danced around as I walked forward, yellow, red, and orange encasing me. I've never felt this much warmth, nor have I seen colors so bright.

It’s been hours since I first arrived here but I haven't seen any living creatures. It’s like they're hiding. I can see the fear and confusion in the air, a mixture of orange and purple. So they have to be around here somewhere. The rain is so light like mist. Although I can’t feel it, I can see it. I might be walking in circles because it doesn't matter which way I turn, there’s still nothing there. The colors never fade, they only slightly change as I walk forward. I'm getting an eerie feeling. What is this? I don’t like this color, it’s dark and unsettling. What I see lying beneath is a fresh carcass of a small long eared creature, there’s blood strewn out from all sides and large punctures in its fragile frame. Blood oozed out of the punctures as gently as a slow moving river. This is suffocating, backing away didn’t seem to help. It’s following me. I could practically feel it trying to tighten around me. What is this? Get it off. I don’t like it. I run unsure of my destination frantically trying to flee from this sickening color. I can feel my heartbeat race as the rain began to fall harder, the harsh sound of thunder flooding my ears. Why wont it go away? Why is it following me? I don’t want it. Get rid of it, please. Somebody get rid of it. The thunder is loud but my desperation is louder. It felt like this game of chase would escalate on forever, but before I knew it I had run into slick mud causing me to slide and slam into something hard. Before my mind escaped me my vision blurred and I felt a sharp aching pain in my chest. God can be cruel this way. 

When I woke I was once again greeted by the gentle rain and slow moving breeze. The rain was lighter than yesterdays storm and the dark color still lingered on my fur. I still wanted this color to forever vanish from my sight but there was no chance of that happening. For now I lay stuck in between two jagged rocks, any chance of escape from this nauseating color was now lost. I’ve been laying here for hours with this sickening color, it swam around me like a fish free to swim wherever it pleases. I did nothing to stop it and instead watched the long black path that stretched farther than what I could see. Throughout the day nothing really changed but everytime something crossed my path, I felt a sharp pain in my chest. The pain was like a strong jolt of energy that caused the word kill to swell up in the back of my mind, making me want to move desperately. Although this urge was really strong I couldn’t fulfill its wishes because I was stuck, but that only made the pain in my chest worsen. Normally I couldn’t feel pain so how could I feel this? It hurts. Please take the pain away. I wanted to cry but I could not only causing me to become excruciatingly frustrated. 

My thoughts were disrupted by a loud rumbling noise, there was a giant metal object coming towards me with a red color emitting from within it. Once the object gets closer the color changes to red, orange, and blue. The object slowly stops and some being erupts from the metal casing taking the colors with them. They come out holding something over their head and come running toward me. They stand looking down at me for a few minutes in silence before they finally start talking to me, but I don’t understand. They continue to talk and bend down to mess with the rocks that trapped me. I am freed. I look up at the being to see it smiling down at me with a yellow color floating around them. They try to speak with me again before they continue to lift me up off the ground. I still don’t understand this being. Why did god cause them to cross my path? They carry me to the metal casing and put me inside before the casing continues its previous motion. 

It’s dark now, where there was once light shining through, there is now nothing but the shine of the moon to illuminate the inside of this casing. Although it’s dark, I can still see the dark color encircling me. The pain that had possessed me earlier has vanished. It looks like god decided to be generous today. He who had kept me locked away has finally given me something to look forward to. I stare at the being in front of me, their hands on some weird circle. Weird looking creature, but the color it’s emitting is pleasant. The warming yellow of the sun, it’s too bad I haven’t been able to see the sun, not even once upon my arrival. Maybe I can get used to this place. After all, god must have sent me here for a change, right? This is the first bit of kindness I've felt from him in a while. Why am I here? This question turns in my mind before slumber claims me. 

I can’t count how long I’ve been on earth, but I have grown to feel for this being who has been taking care of me for a long while. I would consider this being as my friend. Its been mostly peaceful here although every so often I still see unpleasant colors like red, blue, and gray. Usually I can bear it but today it’s worse than normal. It's like I'm surrounded by a thick layer of smoke. It only gets more suffocating as I sit here, the colors becoming even more sickening. I'm starting to worry. I haven’t seen the being in a while, what if something happened. Putting those thoughts aside I search for the being. 

It didn’t take me long to find them. They were outside in the rain, but the colors disrupted my vision, so I couldn’t tell why. The closer I get the thicker the colors. When I'm close enough to see the being their crouched over another and covered in blood. The being that lied underneath was submerged in the black color that had still encircled me. Why? This being had been killed for no reason. They were my friends, but now their stained in black. I want to turn and run but the black color spread and sealed itself to my body. Kill, the word rang loud and clear in my mind. I was stalking forward uncontrollably. I don’t want this. I don’t want to hurt anybody. Please. Stop. Kill, the word rang out again. No. I don’t want to. Get off me. I have completely lost control of my body, it was moving on its own. I don’t want to kill my friend. Leave me alone. Go away. Get off. Despite thinking all this my body didn’t seem to care. I'm tainted. The aching in my chest is back. I jumped on the being and began to rip them apart piece by piece, the tangy taste of blood, the feeling as it gushed out over my paws, and the sound of flesh ripping away at bones. I can’t stop. I'm watching myself rip apart the only thing in this world that I cared about. Why cant I stop? I don’t want to watch. “What god shalt giveth god shall also taketh away. The black now wrapped around me with its cold embrace. Nothing hurt me more than the throbbing pain in my chest now. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. Why did it take me so long to realize, now I'm truly trapped. 

I can do nothing but watch as my body continues to walk the earth. Now I feel the pain every time I get the urge, but I no longer care. Every path I cross gets destroyed, some try to fight back, but that only makes it worse. I beg them to kill me every time. But they don’t. They always lose the fight. Leaving me to cross another path and take another life. No one can be spared, that's how it is. Death comes for all of us in the end whether we want it or not. 

With me here their lives will just end faster. This was what god entailed. He’s tired of watching. So now I take his place, I cross your path and it’s your time, I cross your path and you die, I cross your path and release you while I watch, never able to release myself. I get it now. I am now the earths burden. When everyone is gone, I must stay and make sure nothing comes back. My life on earth is worse than death. I'm stuck forever walking, but I get it now. 

I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to hurt anyone. If my being here means I have to walk endlessly trapped, then I would rather die than take one more step on this dark planet. My mind crumbled with rage, sadness, and loneliness. I can’t do anything to help anyone, I can’t even help myself. All of this was going through my mind as I walked towards my next victim. Run away. Get away from here. Don’t let me catch you. Hide. The words kill and no one can be spared rang throughout my mind when I ran after the victim, pinning them down under my claws again. The words please someone kill me entered my mind as I watched their soul leave their body. If I could cry I know tears would be staining my eyes. God is cruel.  

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