Episode 20

Renan

I spent all morning anxious about my date with Catarina, I don't know why but I have high expectations regarding her and this date.

My morning went by slower than usual due to the anxiety I felt for lunchtime to arrive faster. Today I'm only seeing patients at the clinic in the morning, at lunchtime I'm going to be with Catarina and after lunch, Rafael and I have an appointment to represent Lipe in the new social project that will be implemented in the favela. So today my day will be full.

I arranged to meet Catarina at a diner near my work, it's a very nice place, reserved with a very pleasant atmosphere.

Our lunch was very quiet, we talked a lot, we got to know each other better, we talked about everything, about family, work, our friends, our hobbies, musical genres and favorite movies, and man, we got along really, really well! We are very similar to each other, so much so that I was amazed.

But as always something has to happen, and it really did.

When we were leaving the restaurant, a very stupid guy who was at the bus stop saw that we were talking there on the sidewalk.

The guy had the audacity and the nerve to leave where he was and go to where the two of us were to speak a torrent of nonsense.

"Wow, brunette, it's true that you're no Gisele Bundchen but you don't have to stoop to the point of dating a woman! You can be all dressed up like a little man but you're still a woman! How about trying out a real man, huh?"

"Look, man, I appreciate your concern, but we're not anything, unfortunately, I'd be very proud to be dating him, you can be sure, now you, I think you can improve too, maybe if you change a little, just a little, you know, just change everything inside and out! Maybe then, who knows, being very optimistic, you can reach the feet of the man that Renan is. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going home accompanied by a real man."

Catarina took my arm and we walked down the sidewalk to where my car was, I confess that this attitude of hers won my heart, nobody ever fought for me like that, nobody ever fought my battles, and that earned all my respect.

We went home and I dropped Catarina off at her house, we already arranged to go out again, we exchanged numbers and I went to Rafa's house to shower and get ready to go to the project together. Needless to say, Andrezinho was super excited about the idea of having activities like those in the favela, and I, like the good doting daddy that I am, am immensely grateful to the people, whoever they are, who were willing to provide this joy to my little one.

Rafael finished getting ready after two long hours, he was all dressed up, I don't know what for!

"Let's go, bicha! You're not going to get married there, are you, cactus?"

"Well, who can guarantee that I won't find the love of my life and future husband there?"

"But Daddy, you said you would only marry a prince charming! You promised that you would marry a prince charming so that I could be a prince too, Daddy!"

We laughed a lot at Andre's conversation, now all properly dressed, beautiful and smelling good, we left for the shed where the inauguration of the project was taking place.

Bernardo

Finally the big day has arrived! I don't know how these people managed to make that old, dull shed look so beautiful! It was all very colorful, full of very nice drawings, colorful chairs and top-notch equipment. Everything was perfect for the children, they will really be well taken care of in this place.

I met more residents here in the community and it was really nice talking to them and making sure they are enjoying the project, the children's excitement was also contagious, I was very happy.

I heard that Lipe won't be able to make it to the inauguration but that he sent his representative, I overheard a conversation between the residents that everyone says that the person who will represent Lipe is his boyfriend and his best friend, that is, the guy's whole family is coming but he won't be here.

I was happy that he's not coming, I don't know if I'm ready to face Lipe, the guy who kicked me out five years ago and still stayed with the guy I love.

I was standing talking to Mr. Rogerio when suddenly I felt a very big uneasiness, I looked at the door and I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

It was him, it was my Fael! God, how beautiful he was! He didn't have long hair anymore, but he was still beautiful, his hair was cut, a very modern dress, beautiful clothes as always, a smile so white that it reflected the light, beside him was Renan, he had also changed a lot, he has some gray hairs around the temples, and next to him a boy.

My feet were rooted to the ground, my heart only knew how to pound, I forgot how to breathe, I don't even know if I know how to speak anymore, my eyes are fixed on him in every movement. I feel that if I stop looking at him he will disappear and I will never see him again, I want to record everything, everything I can, every detail.

I hear someone say: "The Faithful of the Morro Owner has arrived" and my heart broke into a million little pieces, they are still together today which means that the chance I asked God for will never happen.

I lost Fael, I lost him forever. He has it all now, everything he deserves, the family, a friend, a love. All the life I lost by his side, he's living without me, how it hurts to know that there's someone else living the life that could have been mine.

I tried to hide and not show myself too much, I didn't want him to see me, I don't have the face to look at him, not after everything I did, the same with Renan, I was a terrible friend, to say the least, how am I going to look at him again?

Fael was well known in the community where he used to spend time, people greeted him and the child, as well as Renan, and he smiled kindly at everyone.

I continued talking to some elderly people who were close by, but I didn't even know what I was talking about, I was in autopilot, you know.

Mr. Rogerio went up to the makeshift platform and welcomed everyone, talked about the project, and how everything would work and asked everyone to go to the inaugural classes of each workshop.

Well that was my cue, I went to the space reserved for the drawing class and tried to clear my mind to talk to the children a little about what we were going to do.

I was feeling like I was in school when I had to present the science fair, always talking about the same subject to different people who came to the booth where I was.

I said that we were going to learn graphite drawing, which is something very basic, but students who feel confident after a few months can move on to the next level which is cartoon or caricature, depending on the profile of each student.

I was very distracted watching a child drawing on the white paper that was on the painting easel, talking to him, and explaining about the shapes and lines he drew that could meet and make something really beautiful, he was smiling at me and I was smiling at him, we were connected, deep down I knew it. I can't do this.

When I got up, I came face to face with Renan's attentive and incredulous eyes. I was finally face to face with my best friend, as sad as it was the longing and the way we broke up, I couldn't help but smile to see the face that I missed so much and that meant so much to me, it was a nostalgic smile.

"Who would have thought! The great heir of the Sa Ribeiro Family here in Morro da Penha teaching underprivileged children! What happened? Did hell freeze over and I didn't hear about it?"

"It was about time I learned something from life, right? Evolved a little, by the way: Hi Renan, how are you?"

"As you can see! Same as always! Can't say the same about you, can I?"

"Well, a lot has changed, I'd like to talk to you about that too, I owe you an apology actually."

"Come on! You don't have cancer, or some kind of terminal illness, do you?"

"No, it didn't have to be that way for me to wake up to reality. Let's just say I had an epiphany that opened my eyes, but seriously, we really need to talk, can we meet up after this?"

"Of course, you still have my number? It's still the same, when I'm done here, send me a message and I'll tell you where we can meet. You know what, man, I'm curious to know what you have to tell me."

"Okay, as soon as I get everything sorted out here, I'll send you a message and we'll meet up."

I said goodbye to Renan, while I was watching him leave, I found the most beautiful pair of eyes in the entire universe staring at me fixedly with an indecipherable look.

My Fael, he was looking at me. At that moment I felt insecure, ashamed, but above all I felt inferior, looking at that man, at all that he is, made me feel like a grain of sand in front of the ocean.

Rafael didn't talk to me and I didn't go to him either, as I said before I have no right to ruin his life, not now that he has a husband, a son and such, the best thing I do for him now is to stay away.

I really hope that Lipe knows what a gem he has in his hands, well, he must know, right, they've been together for 5 years. I was such an idiot that I couldn't keep this man by my side for even a year.

Lipe

The day flew by, I learned even more about the importance of culture, education and art, and how it can change the minds of young people, adults and children.

Man, this is so cool! More and more I'm sure that I'm going to be able to do something very similar there in Penha, of course everything will have our way, our face, but I had a lot of inspiration here in this place.

Now it's time for this white boy to get all pretty and smell good to meet my delicious one, I'm anxious to look at him again, to be close to him, to hear him talk, I'm stupid listening to that man talk, everything he says seems so intellectual so important, and I just stand there like a big oaf listening to him talk and smiling like an idiot.

I arrived at the bar at 8:15, went in and there was a nice table there, suddenly I saw Jonas, he was coming out of a door with a pot in his hands, I ran to help but I think I just got in the way, he almost dropped everything on the floor, and he was already talking to me angrily;

"There's one thing you need to learn about me, if I didn't ask for your help, don't help me! If I didn't ask for help, it's because I can do it myself, I'm blind, I'm not stupid!"

"Sorry, delicious, I tried to be a gentleman, but I think I screwed up, right?"

"Lipe, do me a favor? Whenever you think it's a good idea to do something, don't do it, okay? Because believe me, it's not a good idea!"

"Geez, delicious, now you've hurt me."

"Enough with the drama, come on, let's eat, sit down, I just finished making it, it's still hot, I hope you like it."

"You cooked all this?"

"I live alone, Lipe, I need to cook, what do you think? Do I live on photosynthesis? Man, and there's nothing so special about this food, it's lasagna, rice and salad, that's all."

"Nothing special? You're talking to a guy who doesn't even know how to fry an egg."

"Why am I not surprised?"

That day I talked a lot with Jonas, I got to know even more the incredible guy that he is, I may be being ridiculous, exaggerated, hasty, emotional or whatever you want to label me as, but when I left that place, I left with the absolute certainty that that is the man of my life!

Me? In love? You have no idea, man, I'm head over heels for this man! Just bring the collar, man, just bring the collar.

How am I going to make this work? I don't know. How am I going to make him like me? I have no idea.

How am I going to make it work with the two of them living in different places? I have no idea.

Am I going to keep investing? Absolutely!

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