Chapter 3

BROCK

I checked my rigging bag once more before I got ready to head on out and catch an Uber to the arena with Dirk. I heard the knock on my hotel door and made my way over and answered it.

Dirk Littlewood, my best friend since first grade, stood in front of me, a wide smile on his face.

“I thought we were meeting in the lobby?” I said.

“We were. Guess what I found?”

“What did you find?”

“Kara Lane.”

“Okay, I’ll bite, who’s Kara Lane?” I asked, motioning for Dirk to come into my room.

“She is, according to her, your number one fan. She wants to meet you.”

With a sigh, I shook my head. I didn’t hook up with a lot of women when I was out on tour. I did occasionally, though, when I needed the release. Dirk, on the other hand, wasn’t as picky when it came to the buckle bunnies.

“Let me guess: you want something out of this.”

Dirk smirked before dropping his bag and then himself into a seat.

“Normally I would say yes, but this lady has a kid with her. Cute little boy with Down syndrome. He wants to be a bull rider. She recognized me down in the lobby and asked if I could let you know how much it would mean to her and her son to meet you.”

“This isn’t a trick to get a hookup later, is it?”

Dirk looked slightly hurt. “You honestly think I’d make up that kind of story just to get laid?”

Rubbing the back of my neck, I sighed. “No, dude, sorry.”

He nodded as I grabbed my boots and started to put them on. “You talk to Blayze?”

“Yeah. Ty was going to show him how to rope a calf before I got home.”

I could hear Dirk mutter something under his breath, and I couldn’t help but smile. “Dick move, right?” I asked.

“Why is he so bitter? I mean, does he not get how much it tears you up being out on the road without Blayze?”

Shrugging, I answered, “I don’t think he means to do it on purpose. He’s been through a lot himself.”

Dirk agreed with a nod. “Still, he shouldn’t be using your kid.”

I stood. “I agree, a hundred percent. You got any T-shirts or anything for this?”

“Lloyd has some merchandise.”

Lloyd Webster was our Wrangler sponsor and could always be found carrying a bag of Wrangler merchandise.

As we headed to the elevator, two women made their way toward us. I cringed inwardly while Dirk let a smile grow across his face.

“Morning, ladies,” he purred with an accent that screamed he was country more than the boots and cowboy hat he wore.

The blonde waved her fingers at both of us and winked. “Enjoy your day, gentlemen.”

When they walked by, Dirk let his gaze follow them.

He smiled wider, and I shook my head as we walked into the elevator. “I may get lucky tonight after all. You sure you don’t want to go out later?”

“I’m positive. I’m sure I’ll be exhausted after today and ready to hit the sack when the day is over.”

“What if you ride good?”

I shrugged. “If I qualify, then I’ll need to ride tomorrow, and I sure as shit don’t want to have a hangover.”

He laughed. “When in the hell was the last time you had a hangover, Brock?”

The elevator doors opened to the main lobby, and Dirk and I headed over to Lloyd. I saw a woman standing there with a boy who looked to be about ten. The moment he saw me, his eyes lit up. His mother followed his gaze and wore a similar look on her face. Moments like these never got old, especially when they involved little kids.

“I promised you I would find and deliver him,” Dirk said as he reached the woman first. “Kara, I’d like for you to meet the current number one bull rider as of today.”

Shooting Dirk a smirk, I turned to the woman and shook her hand. “It’s a pleasure meeting you, ma’am.”

She blushed, then looked down to her son. “Billy, this here is the bull rider you’re always cheering on.”

The young boy looked up at me and gave me a full-on smile. Bending down, I got eye level with him as Lloyd handed me a baseball cap and a T-shirt. I signed them both as I spoke to Billy.

“You want to be a bull rider someday, Billy?”

“Yes, sir. I’ll be as good as you!”

“I bet you will be. Have you ever been on a bull?” I asked, handing him the baseball cap and laughing when he quickly put it on.

“Yes, sir. I have.”

“I tell you what, Billy; I’m going to make sure you and your mom have VIP passes today. You come on back and wish me luck, okay?”

His eyes lit up like Christmas morning, and before I knew it, his arms were wrapped around my neck. “Thank you! Thank you!”

Glancing up, I smiled at Kara. She mouthed the words Thank you. After Billy let me go, I handed him the shirt and stood back up. I signed another hat for Kara and gave it to her.

“You don’t know how much this means to me. Billy’s father passed away to cancer a few months back, and this is the first time I’ve seen him smile. He always watched you when you rode. You were his favorite, hence the reason you’re Billy’s favorite.”

I’m so sorry for your loss,” I said.

Dirk was now talking to the little boy and signing the back of his shirt.

“Thank you. And thank you for coming down to meet us—I know you’re on your way to the arena for today’s event. You’ll never know how much it means to both of us.”

Smiling, I reached for her hand and shook it again. “You and Billy enjoy today. Lloyd here will get you taken care of.”

With a slap on my back, Lloyd moved in and began making plans with Kara. I leaned down and shook Billy’s hand.

“I’ll see you later, buddy.”

“Bye, Brock!” he shouted, then took off running toward an older woman. I was guessing she was his grandmother. Dirk nudged me with his arm, and we headed toward the exit of the hotel to make our way to the arena. It was bull-riding time.

“Hornet’s Nest. Just my luck,” I grumbled as I stared at the bull.

I’d drawn the number two bull. He’d been ridden only once in twenty outs, and that was by Cord Hansen. The bastard hadn’t stopped talking about it for weeks after he’d gotten the eight seconds required to get a score.

“You’ve got this, Brock,” Dirk said from next to me.

Turning his way, I smiled. Dirk was more than just my best friend; he was like a brother to me. The fact that we got to be on tour together, both doing something we loved, had probably saved my sanity. There were plenty of moments I wanted to give in to the guilt that felt like it ate away at me every second of every day. Dirk knew; he saw it every single time he looked into my eyes or hauled my *** back to our hotel when I’d been drunk out of my mind.

Would things have been different if Kaci had chosen Dirk and not me? I had no damn idea. All I knew was, Dirk had kept me going when all I’d wanted to do was give up and walk away. He pushed me because he knew I needed it. I had never told him before, and probably never would, but he saved my life five years ago when I’d started drinking too much.

“Shaw, heard you got your old buddy.”

I grunted as Cord walked up to me. I wanted to knock the smirk right off his face. The last time I’d been on Hornet’s Nest, he had thrown me after two seconds, and I’d seen Cord laughing his *** off as I got up. Asshole. He was a bitter jerk and pissed because I was currently in the number one spot, and he was trailing further behind in the number two.

“Hey, Cord. How’s it going?” I asked, not about to engage in his little game.

He frowned, disappointment laced on his face. Cord was like a female. Constantly trying to drum up some sort of drama.

“Good luck today, buddy,” Dirk said as he slapped the shit out of Cord’s back before we walked away. “Douche,” Dirk whispered, glancing back to Cord.

Even after giving Dirk every reason to hate me so many years ago, he still had my back, and I knew he always would.

Growing up, Kaci had been the one girl every guy in town wanted. But Dirk and I’d had her. Not in a sexual way. She was our best friend. The girl who went fishing with us. Hunting in the early hours of the morning. She even helped my granddaddy build the barn on my parents’ ranch for the goats she’d talked Daddy into getting.

Kaci was different from any other girl I’d ever known. She wasn’t afraid of anything. Gutting a deer was second nature to her. She could knock back Jack Daniel’s with me and Dirk like nobody’s business. She was also happy; sometimes it seemed like a forced happy, but she had a smile on her face most of the time.

Kaci could also make Dirk and me fight over the littlest things.

Everything had changed the day I asked Kaci to prom. Dirk had been pissed at me for going against our self-imposed rule. Kaci was off limits. I ignored the rule, and it had opened up a rift between me and my best friend. Neither of us knew how to deal with it besides going after each other constantly.

When it finally came to blows between me and Dirk, fighting over her, we’d told her she needed to make a choice. She knew she had to pick one of us. She picked me.

I had won and had taken Kaci from my best friend, even though I knew he loved her more than I ever could. But I was a selfish bastard and couldn’t walk away from her. I was happy she’d picked me over Dirk and didn’t regret for one minute marrying her. Even though everyone told us we were too young to get married.

I wasn’t like I didn’t love Kaci. I did. And I knew she loved me; why else would she have picked me? But I also knew how much Dirk loved her. He had a terrible way of showing her, though, and in the end, it cost him. I knew how to be romantic, while Dirk fumbled with his words. At least he had back then. Kaci only saw that side of me. The side that fantasized right along with her about the life we would have.

Something had always been missing between me and Kaci, though. It didn’t take us long after we got married to realize it. An emptiness hung between us, and neither of us could figure out what was causing it. We’d thought we could make it better by having a baby. It hadn’t helped that I ignored one of the main reasons we were having troubles. Bull riding. It wasn’t something I was willing to give up for her. At the time, I hadn’t realized how selfish that made me. Bull riding was my life, and in my mind, Kaci had known it was my life when we got married.

But Dirk was ready to give up professional bull riding for her, and I knew now he probably would have made her happier than I ever could.

A part of me would always regret that I didn’t love her enough to put her first, like Dirk would have. The guilt of that ate at me constantly. Dirk never showed any bitterness toward me or Kaci, and I knew it was because he’d respected her decision. He was the true meaning of loyalty and friendship.

I glanced over to him. He seemed lost in thought, just like I was. I’d bet a million dollars he was thinking about her too.

I’d hurt Dirk not only once, but twice. Our friendship had been tested by one simple decision I’d made five years ago. A decision that had been haunting my dreams nightly since. Had our small town whispering behind my back, even to this day.

“You boys ready to kick some *** tonight?” Lloyd Webster asked, stopping directly in front of us.

I forced a smile for one of my biggest sponsors. If I rode well tonight, I’d make him one very happy man. It would show up in my wallet as well. An endorsement with Wrangler was nothing to take lightly. As long as I stayed number one on the tour, I was golden.

“Yes, sir,” I answered, pushing my hand out to shake his.

“That’s what I want to hear. Let’s keep that number one ranking, son.”

Lloyd focused on Dirk. “I have a feeling your run of bad luck ends tonight in Tacoma, Dirk.”

“Let’s hope so.”

“You drew a good one,” Lloyd added, giving Dirk a wink.

A smile grew over Dirk’s face. He’d drawn Lucky Charm. He hadn’t been ridden in his last ten outs.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I reached in and answered without even looking. “Hello?”

“So, you never did tell me who day two’s draw was.”

Ty. I should have known.

My brother used to go on tour with me a few years back until an accident landed him in the hospital for an extended amount of time. When they told him he’d never be able to ride a bull again, you might as well have told him he’d died that day. His entire world came to an abrupt stop.

The doctors at first hadn’t thought Ty would even walk again. He proved them wrong. He walked after just one month in physical therapy. That one victory came at a cost, though. Ty hit the bottle for months and then suffered with an addiction to pain pills that few knew about.

It gutted me when I’d realized I hadn’t seen the signs. That none of us had seen the signs. When our parents found out, they got him the help he needed, but it was a long road for all of us. After a tenuous few months, Ty had cleaned up, and he worked the family cattle ranch now. I was so damn proud of my brother. I knew it had to be hard for him to fight that addiction, and I also knew it was always something he would struggle with in the back of his mind. No matter what, I’d be there for him.

“Well?”

Ty pulled me back to the present.

“I got Hornet’s Nest.”

The bastard laughed. “Oh, hell. Don’t let him throw you after the first two seconds.”

I ignored his jab at me, since I was already frustrated with him for telling Blayze he’d teach him to rope. “That’s the plan,” I said. “You tell Blayze you’d teach him to rope?” I knew he could hear the frustration in my voice.

“I might have mentioned it.”

“Why would you do that, Ty? I’m going to teach him when I come home."

"Well, he wanted to learn, so I offered. Besides, you’ve been gone for a few weeks.”

Anger raced through my veins at the thought of Ty showing Blayze too something he damn well knew I’d wanted to do. The fact that he was throwing my career in my face added to how pissed off I was. “I don’t see where that’s any of your damn business, Ty.”

“Not my business? The hell it isn’t. Mom and Dad are raising your son half the damn time. Hell, I’m raising your son right along with them. I’m the one taking him to Little League on the weekends. Picking him up for Mama when she’s got something she needs to take care of. And what are you doing? Riding a bull week after week. You seem to be more in love with the next eight seconds than you are with the next eight years of your son’s life.”

A flash of heat hit me hard. It was both anger and guilt mixing together to cause a rage inside of me. A rage I had worked hard at keeping buried deep within. Did he honestly think I didn’t want to be home with my son? That I didn’t lie in bed every night and wish it was me tucking him into his bed? That it was me coaching his Little League team?

“Seems to me that was your life a few years ago, and you had no problem with it then.”

“I didn’t have a kid, Brock,” he bit back.

I pushed my fingers through my brown hair, knowing he was right—and hating it as well.

“Listen, I get that you got married young. You guys had Blayze in some attempt to make your marriage work. Why you thought a kid would do it, I have no clue.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Ty.”

He laughed. “Yeah, whatever. I get it, Brock. You’re twenty-seven. You’re having a good time. I’m sure you’re sleeping with a different bunny each night.”

“I’m not,” I stated.

Silence filled the line. Then, “Fine. Every other night. But you have a kid back home who needs his father.”

I swallowed hard. “Then I’ll hire a nanny and bring him with me.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. You really want him on the road with you?”

“What else do you want me to do, Ty? I fly home almost every week when I can. So I’ve been gone an extra week here and there. That is my job. You know that. Stop making me feel guilty for doing something you once loved to do as well. I can’t help the way things turned out.”

“Screw you, Brock.”

The line went silent again.

“I’m sorry,” I finally said.

Ty sighed. “Dude, I’m sorry too. You’re doing a good job with Blayze, and I . . . hell, I don’t know.”

It was time for a subject change before we ended the call.

“So, tell me what’s new back at home.”

“Damn, dude. That interior designer who bought your place finally showed up, and she was not what I had been expecting.”

My interest was piqued. “Really? What’s she like?”

“Hot as hell. A body to die for. Curves like no one’s business. Her friend Kaylee is even hotter. I nearly fell over when the two of them got out of the car. You said it was some interior designer from Atlanta. You didn’t say she was a twenty-seven-year-old knockout who would make the cock of any guy within fifty yards stand at attention. I mean, the couple of times I talked to her on the phone, she sounded young, but I wasn’t expecting someone so pretty.”

I laughed. “I didn’t know anything other than she was an interior designer and would be working for Karen Johnson. I didn’t want to know. What does she look like?”

“Oh hell, dude, she’s just your type. Brown hair, sort of light in color, or she puts that crap in it that makes it look streaked with lighter-colored hair.”

“Highlights?” I asked.

“I’m not even going to comment or ask how in the hell you know that’s what it’s called. Anyway, brown hair and green eyes that I swear look like the grass on a spring morning. Her friend Kaylee is blonde, with blue eyes that I’m pretty sure were screaming Take me to bed, Ty.”

I laughed. My brother would never change.

“Neither of them is too skinny. You know, like half the women in town who eat nothing but carrots and celery, so they’re sticks. Let’s just say I’d be able to grab a nice handful of *** while either one rode me.”

I rolled my eyes. “Nice, Ty. Mama would slap the shit out of you if she heard you talking about a woman that way.”

“Yeah, just like she’d slap the shit out of you if she knew you were shoving your **** down the throat of some girl you didn’t bother asking what her name was.”

Sex was just a tool I used to let off steam, and not even something I did often. Finding someone to settle down with was not on my radar. I didn’t deserve to find happiness, not after what I did to Kaci. I didn’t want to fall in love. The fear of hurting someone again sat in the back of my head and was a constant reminder that I would probably do it again unknowingly.

“Listen, I’ve got to go. Have fun with the new chick in town.”

He laughed. “I think I’m more interested in the friend. Besides, she’s not staying, so it would be perfect. I could screw her and never see her again, except for the occasional time she came to visit Lincoln. Then we could have no-strings-attached sex. Yeah, I’m liking this little plan of mine.”

What in the hell was wrong with us? It wasn’t just me who was a mess; it was all three of us brothers. Not one of us could commit to a woman . . . all for different reasons.

“Yeah, well, good luck with that.”

“No, seriously, though. Lincoln is a nice person, and so is her friend Kaylee. I think you’ll like them both.”

I was curious about the woman who had bought my house. “Hey, speaking of Lincoln, what did she say about the house?”

I hadn’t stepped foot in that house in four years and had no desire to ever again. When I’d told my folks I was selling it, I’d thought for sure they’d want it back. They hadn’t, though. They’d told me it was a wedding gift and to do what I wanted with it, so selling it seemed like the best thing.

“She loved it. I’m pretty sure she’s going to change some things, though. With her being into decorating and all.”

I frowned. “Kaci decorated it.”

There was silence for a few moments before Ty cleared his throat. “Well, to be fair, she doesn’t know the backstory, and you can’t honestly expect her to never change anything.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You don’t regret selling it, do you?”

“Nah, I was never going to live there again. Listen, I’ve got to run. Tell Mama and Dad I said hey and kiss Blayze for me. TV on so he can watch me ride?”

“Yeah, you know it’s on. Will do, baby brother. Stay safe.”

After we said our goodbyes, I hit end and stared at my phone. That familiar ache was starting to take hold of my chest. Only this time, I didn’t know where that ache stemmed from . . . Ty riding my *** about Blayze, or from the memories assaulting me over the sale of my and Kaci’s home. Either way, I didn’t like it one bit.

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