Chapter 9

   "Father, do you trust me? " I know he hates the proposal more than I am, so I'll use his dissatisfaction to win over his favor of trusting me and my own capability.

    Father first didn't say anything to me but then I heard the grit of his teeth and the tightening of his hands around me. "Yes, of course, I do. "

    Then that's settled, the joy came off my face and I nodded. "Then let me handle this matter, I promise, no proposal will be declared tomorrow. "

    "No, you can't just refuse him! It will taint the crown prince's pride for proposing to a noble lady, the proposal is both political and beneficial, the emperor won't just stand still. "

    If the emperor tries to get his way successfully, I'll just have to do what I must and if I found nothing then I'll resolve this with the emperor instead, the emperor will not be pleased by my actions but this way, he can't refuse a young lady plea (as) beautiful as Seira, the table will turn into my favor.

    "Trust me, it will be fine, I promise. "

--+-•-+--

    In the end, he didn't argue with me, when we arrived at the residence, I immediately said to my father that I won't be joining him at the dining table later, I will be eating in my room.

    "Anna, " I called out my personal maid. 

    "Yes, milady, is there any problem? "

    "Can you tell me about rumors regardless of the crown prince? Anything is fine, bad or good, I don't care, just tell me about rumors circulating in the social circle right now. "

    I haven't gone to tea parties, so I don't know much. The crown prince is at least 4 years older than me, and I am just 10-year-old at most. Age doesn't really matter when it comes to a political marriage. 

    So even if we have a little bit of an age gap, that really doesn't matter, the emperor will not pull down such marriage even if the gap is too large, nor does he care about it. 

    Anna examined me for a while before she smiled. She was probably looking at me as if I were a different person. 

    "It really surprises me that you aren't freaking out hearing only his highness's name, but why do you want to learn of his rumors? " Anna is a sharp girl, she is an innocent girl who's both loyal and confident but she is also a little bit smart for her age.

    I learn that bit by bit. 

    "Anna needs to learn to obey, you really do like questioning everything I ask you about, don't you? " I clicked my tongue and took off the jewelry on my head and on my neck, from my ears to my dress. Anna gave me so much sparkling jewelry and it's irritating.

    "My, I apologize for that, I was used to questioning my sister about something, you kind of reminded me of her. " She has a sister? Woah, that was known, maybe because I lost my memories so I didn't know. 

    I just coughed and went to bed. 

    "The crown prince has a good reputation milady but strangely since the incident, a rumor was rushing down the hill about his highness the crown prince, they said that he was the cause of milady's suicide attempt, since the night they saw you talking to his highness, people saw you crying after leaving the tea party, the garden of Miss Lena. " 

    In short, the rumors stated that my attempt of killing myself is because of the crown prince? She said it was a recent talk in the social circle, which gives the crown prince a bad reputation. Some witnesses stated that I was crying after talking with the crown prince but Anna said I was happy after the party. 

    Wait, what's going on? 

    Why did I cry while leaving his highness? What did I/she do wrong? I'm not sure but I'm full of questions right now. 

    "Who spread the rumors? " 

    "Lady Shania, she was the witness when that happens, she said 'Lady Seira' was rejected so cruelly then she insulted you as good for nothing, the rumors also said those, the emperor hasn't able to demolish the rumor because Lady Shania keeps on spreading bits of bit about the whole scenario of what happened. "

    She seems so determined to shame me, and humiliate me out of false rumors. It's not to target his highness the crown prince but to embarrass me because I got rejected. If That was the case, I/she was so obsessed with the crown prince, is that right? 

    "Why did she spread false rumors? Are we rivals or something? " My questions are becoming suspicious but I do not care, I must gather as much information as I can. 

    "No, milady but she likes the crown prince too, I am afraid she sees you as her rival, so when she got the opportunity to humiliate milady, she takes it with pride, she once made milady cry out of envy, Lady Shiana is a barons daughter but sometimes her pride makes her feel so superior. "

    I see, Anna began brushing my hair off then she looked at the dinner tray that was put on my table, she quietly took the tray with the stand and put it below me, where I can reach it. 

    "There is also a rumor about his highness the crown prince stating his poor taste. "

    Poor taste? 

    "The rumors had occupied the entire journalist articles, so I'm sure the rumors were taken by one of the journalists. They said that he was meeting his secretive personal maid in private and sometimes they talked more closely than how he usually treats his servants, they said that he kept her by his side because the maid is a lower rank noble. "

    If that's the case, I wonder if the rumor was true. I assume with this rumor spreading so ridiculously the emperor decided to wed him to a noble lady in order to eradicate the rumor, maybe that's why it was so sudden for his majesty the emperor to propose his son to me. 

    He's trying to use me as a scapegoat... 

    The true reason he wanted to wed his son to me, is not because of my ability, he might have been finding an opportunity to find a suitable target. So when he found out about me and my ability to determine and observe, he might have thought that I would be a good empress determined only by his assumption and desperation to erase his son's rumor.

    "Anna, I'll give you a task that you need to complete today till tomorrow in the morning, don't worry, you'll have a day of rest after this, just do and complete this task privately, understand? Please don't ask so many questions and just trust me. "

    Anna looked so pale for a few seconds but then she realized that I was serious, she didn't question my decision as she always does, and then she gave me a smile. "I can do that, and what is my task? "

    "Investigate about the maid his highness the crown prince had been meeting in secret, the article says it was a rumor but I'm not sure about it, and also find out the truth if they really are on good terms, as the rumors stated. " 

    She nodded even though I could see her shifting her gaze so confused. She clicks her tongue, stopping her from asking. 

--+-•-+--

    I wake up so tiredly, my mind is exploding from migration, the reason ━ is that I slept quite late from all of the research I had done, Anna hasn't been back yet so I tried to ask other maids to help me, my hands are very numb and my body is exhausted.

    Seira/my body is weak and unhealthy, I've done what I can do to get my body back on its feet, unfortunately, walking and exercising does do many things, I once asked our private physician about it and I swear to get an answer however he told me that I don't need anything but to rest. 

    Yup, he was useless and far more useless than this body!  I'm struggling from doing nothing, I've lived a life to become stronger and I had to torture my body to do so. Only to see my efforts to be useless, I'm tired yet I'm trying, I'm exhausted yet I don't rest, it's painful but I'm fine cause every training I've done in my past life had paid off well. 

    The shamans didn't have mercy on me, they didn't see me as I see them, for them, I'm a chess piece in a battle called fate, now that I'm untangled with it, can I carry on with this peaceful life? With the affection of everyone around me? With a father who will do everything for his daughter? Can I also be happy?

    I'm a sinner... I know... 

    I'm a killer... I know... 

    I've slaughtered hundreds... I know...

    And I'm a tool... I know... 

    I feel the ache of my head once more but instead of rubbing it, I bite my lips wanting to shout, but no voice was being heard. I avoided shouting even though I wanted to scream, avoiding the past while carrying its memory and living in the future is so damn hard.

    I feel slight changes in my heart when I remember the title 'Reaper'... 

    Even after death, I can't escape my fate... 

    "No! I will not! I will escape it, I will change it! "

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