RELATIONSHIPS ARE DIFFERENT
In lus study of gifted people, Benjamin Bloom included concert pianista sculptors, Olympic swimmers, tennis players, mathematicians, and researd neurologists But not people who were gifted in interpersonal relationships He planned to After all, there are so many professions in which interpersonal skills play a key role-teachers, psychologists, administra diplomats But no matter how hard Bloom tried, he couldn't find any agreed-upon way of measuring social ability
Sometimes we're not even sure it's an ability. When we see people with outstanding interpersonal skills, we don't really think of them as gifted. We think of them as cool people or charming people. When we see a great marriage relationship, we don't say these people are brilliant relationship makers. We say they're fine people. Or they have chemistry Meaning what?
Meaning that as a society, we don't understand relationship skills Yet
everything is at stake in people's relationships. Maybe that's why Daniel
Goleman's Emotional Intelligence struck such a responsive chord. It said
There are social-emotional skills and I can tell you what they are
Mindsets add another dimension. They help us understand even more about why people often don't learn the skills they need or use the skills they have Why people throw themselves so hopefully into new relationships only to undermine themselves. Why love often turns into a battlefield where the carnage is staggering. And, most important, they help us understand why some people are able to build lasting and satisfying relationships
MINDSETS FALLING IN LOVE
So far, having a fixed mindset has meant believing your personal traits are
fixed. But in relationships, two more things enter the picture-your partner
and the relationship itself. Now you can have a fixed mindset about the
things. You can believe that your qualities are fixed, your partner's qualities
are fixed, and the relationship's qualities are fixed-that it's inherently good or bad meant-to-be or not meant-to-be. Now all of these things are up for The growth mindset says all of these things can be developed. All
you, your partner, and the relationship-are capable of growth and change In the fixed mindset, the ideal is instant, perfect, and perpetual compatibility. Like it was meant to be. Like riding off into the sunset. Like they lived happily ever after"
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