Episode 16

I went up the stairs to the apartment, went in, and sat on the sofa to think. "Why did I do that to him," could he be talking about me? Of course it was about me, what else could it be? Ugh, why did he do that to me, my life would be so much easier if he hadn't.

Paula: Is everything okay, honey? You went downstairs and now you're back. Did you tell Rafa everything?

Luan: Worse.

Paula: What do you mean worse? What happened?

Luan: I was going to tell her everything, but she came to tell me that she and Marcos had sex yesterday.

Paula: And you got jealous and didn't tell her anything?

Luan: No, jealous, what... What happened is that yesterday was their first time.

Paula: What do you mean? Haven't they been dating for a month or so?

Luan: Yeah, but they'd never had sex, she even made moves on him but nothing, and yesterday it happened, and then I couldn't tell her everything after that, besides she told me something that won't leave my head.

Paula: What?

Luan: She said that during sex he whispered "why did I do that to him."

Paula: And her?

Luan: She thought it was because he was very drunk and said something irrelevant.

Paula: What are you going to do with all this information now?

Luan: Like what?

Paula: Honey, don't you get it? This boy is gay, and I mean gay, not even bi.

Luan: How do you know he's not bi?

Paula: How many straight or bisexual guys your age do you know who would have a beautiful girlfriend like Rafa and even with her hitting on him, wouldn't sleep with her?

I thought about it, and really, everyone would give anything to sleep with her.

Paula: If he was at least bi, it would have happened before.

Luan: But it happened now.

Paula: Of course, he felt guilty for kissing you, so much so that he said he shouldn't have done that to you.

Luan: You think he was talking about me?

Paula: Seriously? You can't see what's right in front of you, can you? No way... Obviously, he was talking about you, he's prejudiced against himself, or maybe scared, I don't know, I just know he's gay, and you awoke something in him, wasn't he the one who said that you awoke something in him that he doesn't like? So, that's it, he doesn't want to come out as gay, but you awakened that in him.

Luan: Damn Paula, you're good at putting the pieces together. Damn.

Paula: No, honey, it's just that you teenagers and young people, you live everything so intensely and don't stop to see what's right before your eyes.

And there's one more thing you told me that also fits.

Luan: What?

Paula: He stopped you from kissing that guy at the bar the other day. What if it wasn't prejudice but jealousy?

Luan: You think so? Paula, I don't know, it all makes sense but at the same time it doesn't, I'm so confused.

Paula: Relax, honey, go to your room, take a shower, and rest, so you can think a little. After all, there's school tomorrow, and you'll have to face Rafa and Marcos together.

Luan: Ugh, why did you say that? Now I feel even worse.

Paula: Relax, honey, I said that so you can face it head-on.

I didn't say anything, just nodded and went to my room, got there and went straight to the shower as Paula had said, and the shower actually helped a little to relax, but I was still tense about all that. Rafa has been my friend since childhood, and she helped me a lot to adapt at school, in the neighborhood, and even helped me to adapt to myself, because when I started to realize that I was interested in men and not women, it wasn't easy for me, but she helped me face my fears and be myself, and never change to please anyone, after all, my happiness came first. But now I'm going over everything, I'm going over our friendship, because of a jerk and it just pisses me off.

I got out of the shower, which by the way was a very long shower, and went to my room, got there, and threw myself on the bed, but before I went to sleep I took my cell phone and I had a message from Rafa that said:

"I don't know what's going on for you to be so weird, but know that if you need me I'm here."

"Love you"

I replied that everything was fine and that I loved her too. I was a terrible person, I was hooking up with her boyfriend and still didn't tell her anything. Ugh, that boy always stressed me out, but I never thought he would cause me a problem like this.

I ended up falling asleep thinking about that kiss, and what a kiss, honestly, it was unbelievable. But I need to get away, this is wrong, and it wouldn't work even if Rafa wasn't involved, after all, he's a jerk.

XXX

I was at school, and Marcos was on the court waiting for me, and as I approached him, he smiled at me, and when I finally reached the court, he ran up to me and kissed me, oh that kiss, and suddenly he was trailing kisses down to my neck and then down further, past my abdomen where he'd lifted my shirt, and suddenly he reached my shorts, and kissed my member over them, which made me delirious with wanting him, and when he went to pull down my shorts, I woke up with a start.

Ugh, I can't believe it was a dream, holy shit. I can still taste him, in that delicious kiss, and also his mouth trailing down my body ugh, I'm completely hard.

I went to the bathroom, and a cold shower didn't solve it, so I had to relieve myself in the shower. After I got out of the shower, I went straight to get ready. It was very early, but I didn't want to go back to sleep, not after that dream, not with him being Rafa's boyfriend, so who knows, if I get there early and train hard enough, I'll distract myself and not think about it anymore.

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