episode 4

"What did you say?" He barked at me, he wasn't a nice man. He wasn't our father and he

didn't care about us. He pretended to pity my sister butI snatched her arm away from

him. Don't touch her.

Only after he retreated, I cleaned her snotty face with a Kleenex and stood her square in

front of me We blinked at each other, comrades again, united against the rest of the

interfering world.

"They would've wanted us to" Nina pressed. She couldn't have possibly known what our

parents would have wanted butI didn't have any more strength to argue. So I agreed. It

was an immature idea and I imagined our future lives would gradually heal our desire to

hold onto the past.

But I was wrong.

At least for Nina, the tradition became her whole life.

Santi had never asked me in detail about what we did together every July 15th, The date

would creep up on us every year and we had this understanding that I would be apart

from him, spending immeasurable hours doing whatever my sister wanted us to do.

He never wanted to intrude.

But I wished he would, I wished he would tell me it was time.

I wanted the process to be over, I wanted the stronghold to be broken.

I needed Santi to save me.

*

We finally find the perfect last-minute deal. A two week trip to Florida, the birthplace and

childhood home of my Mexican-American husband.

Fourteen days; I think as my whole body tingles with pleasure in the heat, aching for more

of this liquid gold remedy.

"Mrs Rey, I cannot wait to finally show you my world" Santi kisses my hand. He hasn't

been back since he left to make it as a financier in the Square Mile.

We navigate the webpage together. Our hands clasp the mouse, moving it in sync as we

select our room, board basis and duration. But as we progress to the dates, I feel our

unified movement stutter. Santi's gentle lead becomes hesitant as we hoover over the last

available dates - July or September. He is my husband and we are one, I know what he's

thinking.

"When is Independence Day?" I say, pushing my sunglasses upwards onto my hairline

He is confused.

"Uh, 4

h, July"

I peer at the July calendar. There's an outbound flight on the 2nd,

It returns on the l6th,

My heart flutters and the heat inside of me shifts to a strange but calming tingle.

As if by miracle, here before us stands an open door. Beckoning.

"We should book that one" my mouth decides before my mind can catch up and I tap the

screen with determination to not back down "Just imagine watching the fireworks on the

beach or at the Disneyworld resort..."

"Wait" Santi shots forwards and I almost topple off his knee. His expression is a question.

His eyes penetrate mine as if digging deep inside of my mind to find the reason as to why

and how this is happening now. But he can't figure it out. "Listen, I understand. We can

postpone until September. You don't want to miss it..."

He is squeezing my hand tight, pulling me back towards him to sit upright again.

He is my rock; so sturdy, sacrificial, and supportive.

"Don't 1?" I ask.

Now he is truly perplexed.

"But what about her? What about them?"

I shudder. These are my words. It feels haunting hearing the same fears I've allowed to

control our marriage and happiness after all this time repeat back to me.

to be continued.

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