episode 2

celebration in the month of July. And the 15th date of any month. For obvious reasons.

Santi understood that it was off-limits. It was that one detail that I still navigating, that I

was determined to overcome completely, one day.

One day, July 15th would not control me.

We also decided to exclude the traditional Mother/Son and Father/Daughter dances. I

had dutifully asked my sister beforehand to give me away but that request had triggered

her and she had had one of the worst meltdowns I can recall in living memory. And so, as

not to further upset her fragile nature, I was forced to walk the aisle alone and watch my

new husband forgo an intimate dance with his mother with the yolk of guilt heavy on my

shoulders.

"You're my wife" Santi had assured me during our first dance, "We are one. From now on,

whatever you do, I1l do too."

"Babe -Td motioned over to where my sister was slumped in her seat, her fingers

destroying her delicate up-do "I don't know what to do. I'm worried about her:"

Santi pressed his face into my turned cheek.

"You've got me now. You're not in this alone anymore. We can do this together. You'll be

okay, shell be okay. Okay?"

I had nodded trying not to cry on the dancefloor with all the watching eyes.

"I love you so much" Id exploded in sharp gasps. "Gosh, Santiago Rey, my parents

would've absolutely loved you too"

When I resurfaced from our kiss, I heard a door bang somewhere over the muted cooing

and soft violins and noticed my sister was gone.

+

The smell of bacon catches the attention of our neighbours' dog. Santi and I grimace at

each other through our matching sunglasses as we sit at the patio table. We are having an

alfresco lunch, to make up for the night's failed romance.

"Can't we do anything without the intrusion of others?" Santi tuts, his ankle bobbing up

and down over his knee. The sun is white in the sky, the hot weather is unexpected on

this spring Bank holiday weekend. "Maybe we just need to escape and take a long

excursion?"

My ears prick.

"Really?" I lower my own glasses.

Santi tilts his head.

"Why not? Where do you wanna go?"

I grin back, imagining. We haven't been away together ina long time.

We'd spent the last few years saving up to buy a family home; a pretty three-bed away

from the city to start a new chapter in our lives. Our first place was a maisonette with no

rooom to swing a cat let alone raise a child. Santi was convinced that the commuting and

grind of our jobs were contributing to my heighterned stress levels and subsequent

hormonal imbalances.

There's nothing medically wrong" a private GP had informed me "youre healthy and very

fertile, even at thirty-three. Just keep taking your vitamins, manage your workload,

handle your relationships and look after your body:

It all sounded so simple and yet we had been trying for five years with no success.

And so once again, I started believing it wouldn't happen. Just like how I believed I would

never finish university. Or eventually, break free of my tragic childhood.

*

I rest my overthinking head against the deckchair as a wave of anxiety floods my mind.

But Santi is right next to me instantly, his calm poising to fight alongside me.

"This could be good for us. A chance to really get away and enjoy ourselves.."

"Hmm. That really does sound like bliss"

So I allow Santi to grab his laptop. We cuddle and amuse ourselves gasping over last-

minute deals of lengthy trips to luxury retreats and backpacking tours.

to be continued

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