Orethas past part two

It started with my eldest sister Naiomi, I thought we were so close

that I could tell her anything and that I could count on her sage

advice as an elder sister. I know and Understand whys he told me now but

to this day I still wish she would have just given me sage advice I

didn't know how she would have taken the whole thing If I told her

every detail of my adventures when I speak away from home much like

she would tell me of what she and her lover did. Though she was much

older than me and I understood way more than I should have at

the age I did. I watched things and understood what the collision of

hearts and body’s meant and what it meant to place the

entirety of your soul into someone else for the sake of love and in

the hopes that one would be forever by my side. She was riding me

around and I remember being beside her and telling her that Hemper

and I had collided together. “Naomi doesn't tell mother and father

they wouldn’t understand I love him I like him.” I didn't

expect the next words to leave her lips and it was as if I had told

myself the moment I confided my feelings to be close to someone

else other than family a crime to the highest degree. “I have to

tell mother. Naomi, please don’t “ I knew I would lose him the

moment I remember time was going still when we were returning home. I

felt so scared, I could feel my heart dropping out of my body and

everything becomes still. I could feel the tears and the feeling in

my body coming out in flow when my mother found out...I remember the

screaming and the yelling and the name-calling. “How could you be

so stupid...he doesn’t love you..you don’t know what love is,

you are nothing but a child.” But I already knew the racks upon my

body of the spanking of belts and there was time I would hide in

closets because I didn't understand why I had to move into tune with

their movements. I felt sad and the feelings upon my body were

aching, what they said and did felt like scars upon my body as if

they were cutting into flesh and leaving the want to see to be the

good one to be the one that everyone was proud and happy to be

around. I wanted to make everyone around me brighter and smile often,

laugh at progress and think about all the things one could do. I

remember the loud yelling of my father calling me names so vile that

I couldn’t believe my father would utter names like this to me.

“What are you, little fucking slut, that is what you are How could

you do that don't you respect yourself don't you love yourself?” I

couldn't speak it was as if I knew no words or any actions that they

would understand. I knew I couldn’t explain how I knew me and he

had protected ourselves in the act. I was already embarrassed..I

already felt as small as could be. I felt as If I was no bigger than

a grain of sand that was being tossed into the heated angry air that

my father was spewing to me out of frustration and anger that I wasn’t

such a sweet little girl anymore. We all knew that they were

disappointed in me, I felt disappointed in myself after all. Shortly

after father and mother found out and took me to be seen and made me

taste to make sure I was safe. That there was nothing I was

hiding from them..to see how far I let him touch me though it wasn't

like that at all. There were a million questions and it was as if I

all but shut down at the moment and all I could do was cry. At that

point, I didn't want to tell people anything. I didn't know how to feel

I didn't know who I could confide in. It seemed as if I was always

just doing what others ask in the hopes I would never disappoint

anyone. Moving and sinking into tones as if to never be yelled and

talked to and degraded to like that again. The next few weeks were

rough, it passed slow like how molasses slid out of a spoon, but much

like its color made my world just a bit darker. It was the

start of summer and I still tried to keep in contact with my friends

despite being told that “I needed to hang around a new crowd of

people.” One by one I would lose them. I walked blocks to their

houses one by one and they would not answer the door, I missed all of

my friends and hanging out with them. One of them would tell the

entirety of our friends that I was a bad influence, it was like I had

been stuck within the group after I had just loved with all of my

heart. I just wanted them to be happy to be around, I wanted to make

them laugh and enjoy their time with me. It was evident that I would

not be able to see Harper again. It shattered me in the entirety of my

being, the hot summer days felt long and hot. My parents would talk

often in secret and discuss my changing educational paths, “Oretha

, we have to have a discussion it is time you devoted yourself to the

faith I and your mother need help in guiding you

on the right path that one should follow.” I remember how my lips

felt and how hot the tears were when they fall from the side of my

face. I Couldn’t show any emotion other than a smile as if

everything was alright even though things weren’t all that sunshine

and rainbows like I used to see things. Father and mother began

taking me to church and every Sunday, Thursday, and Friday, I began

to attend the faith call that was not but a few miles from our

home. They began to train me in the ways how women should be,

submissive hard working under the thumb of a man. Little did I know

that they were helping me with answers shortly.

Things that seem all but answers that would fall out of my lips as if

I was trained and began to pay attention to who and what I was saying

to make sure I would not make a wrong impression of myself I

wanted to be as beautiful as the world used to be. The faith always

had a way of making one feel as if they were never perfect as if they

needed something or someone to be pure and perfect as an individuals,

to strive to be someone who would try to make a better place.

Surely if my parents were trying to send me to a different school

involving the faith it would be for the betterment of my life. I knew

this but I don't think things ended up how they envisioned things.

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