clean

I drifted in and out of consciousness as I rested on the bed in the suffocating darkness. I adjusted my position only for tears to spill as the burning on my arm flared with the brushing of the blankets.

My eyes darted to my arm as my hand gripped below the injury in hopes to ease the pain. My attention was drawn to my shredded wrist and I grimaced at the thought of cleaning the wound. I'd have to scrub it and disinfect it. No doubt it would hurt and it's not like cleaning it would do any immediate good, for my real problems.

I slowly sat up and looked over toward the sink, my thoughts swirling and I tried to focus. Honestly moving and working did not sound very appealing. Right now I just wanted everything to stop, to stop planning and preparing, and to stop the fleeting hope for success, to just give in.

Mabey even takes time for myself, have some time to breathe as this whole thing blows over. I turned to look back at a slime metallic bord with a light along its rim that stuck out of the wall next to my bed. It was smooth and partially covered by a single silver band, my communicator. In the dark, it looked just fine but upon further inspection, it was roughed up just as much as my wrist was. Not that it would matter if it was in good condition now that It's been disconnected.

Thinking back at my wrist I took a deep breath as I looked toward the sink and debated how important cleaning my wrist was, maybe laying back down was a better choice. I looked down at my hand and thought back to that unfortunate encounter I had. It really wasn't human was it, was it maybe… from Oblive? Would that make it a sentient alien organism?

Quick shooting pain from my stinging wrist brought my eyes to a slightly bloody cut that had dried out and cracked open again. As I stared down at it I let the reality of the situation sink in. I panicked as I revisited the thought of my inhuman attacker, and how its bare alien, unclean hands broke my skin.

"That thing wasn't human… if any foreign bacteria…''

With a newfound fear of alien infection, I stumbled to the sink to scrub and drench my arms in hydrogen peroxide. I muscled through the pain as tears from anguish and fear rolled down my red stinging cheeks.

As I poured the hydrogen peroxide into a bowl large enough for my wrist and knuckles I braced my mind and body for the upcoming pain. I fought my nerves and quickly dunked both my hands into the bowl. As the stinging mixture bubbled and fizzed on my wrist I let out a brief yelp.

I hadn't thought of worrying about the future. I just need something right now, something good, immediate, without regard for the future. Something I could enjoy now and regret later.

I've lived my whole life for the future, always one step ahead. I have been patiently waiting for the benefits of my efforts, so why can't I have something now.

I could feel my emotions rising in my throat and tried to quench my emotions before I burst. The swirling thoughts hummed in my ear. Before It came to a slamming stop as I realized I could just give in. Let things slow down and stop making sacrifices for the future.

Would it really be so bad to give up? Give up on pleasing my parents, give up on my future that i had planned and prepared for my entire life.

My attention was dragged from the depressing thoughts of my doomed life to my rather disastrous arm. I slowly worked up the courage to scrub my now reopened bloody wounds again. With pained breaths, I fought everything I had to keep cleaning the wound, unsure if it was too late.

As I dabbed the injury in the hydrogen peroxide and I yelped again from the pain.

I was completely exorbed in my thoughts and actions when Victor burst in, panic streaking across his face.

"Iris" his familiar voice echoed through my head as I spun around to face the intruder.

Seeing my arm and hand in a bloody mess, his face was filled with emotion.

"Iris… what did you do?" He grabbed a clean cloth from the kitchenette and applied pressure on the wound.

"What happened, why?"

I locked eyes with Victor and felt my breath hitch as he stopped to look back at me. Before I knew it I was slipping to the floor blinded by tears and edged on by the pain in my arm. I had completely lost all strength in my body and was in no emotional state to worry about how I might appear to him.

Victor looked over my arm and hand verifying it only looked bad because of the diluted blood spilling over my arm.

He heaved a sigh of relief and eased up on the pressure to my arm before carefully lifting me up and moving me over to a couch in the main room.

Moving to the medical cupboard that was required in every room he expertly found some Epsom salt and a large plastic tub. As he quickly made his way through the room I fought the endless stream of tears and uncontrollable gasps that escaped me.

I wanted to be strong and calm like I always was but the harder I tried the worse I felt and the less will I had to continue.

He quietly filled the bowl with steaming water and moved a small table to the couch placing both the water and salt on it before turning to me. My face was red, and I tried to hide my disastrous appearance as he approached, but the l moment my arms moved, the pain began again.

"That was caused by Kor, right?" he took my hand and slowly lowered them toward his lapas he quietly spoke to me.

Fidgeting with the cloth he quietly checked over my arm again before looking at me. I couldn't make out his features through the tears but I was certain he was looking at me with pity.

“It's going to be okay… I promise.” I gasped rapidly trying to gather myself enough to speak.

"Don’t worry... you aren't in any danger." My tears slowly eased through my efforts, but I knew it was only temporary. He mixed the salt into the water and took my hands in his once more.

"How hic*… how do you know… even earth-based infections are…are " the sobs interrupted my words, and I felt my vision blur again.

"Shhhhh… I know… but I promise nothing on Kor could hurt you he was completely clean." He was quiet and calm as he spoke.

He dipped my arms in the very hot mixture of Epsom salt so quickly that I couldn't fight it. I hissed at the pain and pulled back only to feel his tight grip keep my hand submerged.

"It will get better. Just give it time."

I wasn't convinced as the heat burned at my wounds but held my tongue. As he took the rag and gently cleaned my wrist, we slipped into silence, only broken by my occasional whimper.

I was finally able to think clearly and rationally. My tears were easing up and despite my eyes being swollen from my crying, I could see.

He broke the silence as he finished wrapping up my arm and cleaning up the mess we had made.

"I came to see if you had made a decision."

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