Chapter One

Quinn stood there and looked back at herself in the mirror as she tried to find the person she was looking for. It was a daily occurrence for her to stare into the mirror, hoping to see a person she knew she used to be. A person she was when she was younger and nothing felt stressful and her life was hers. A life when she could walk outside the house and play with the project kids without a care in the world.

A life that slowly began to fade when she turned eleven.

Quinn would find herself wishing she never did the talent show and her mom did see it and record it. She wished it wasn’t posted on social media and spread like wildfire to every media it could reach. But by the time Quinn was wishing it didn’t she was already stuck and there wasn’t a way out anymore. Although Quinn wondered if she even had a chance to get out from the start with how eager her mom took over everything.

Maggie Dallas was the mother of Quinn Dallas and was well known as her manager. Maggie had guided Quinn’s life since she went viral and always work to make sure Quinn was in the spotlight. Quinn didn’t mind at first and went to all the singing competitions and enjoyed the dance classes her mom put her in. Quinn thought it was all fun but as months went on and years passed Quinn was feeling tired.

By the time Quinn was sixteen she was already well known and her mother couldn’t be prouder. Quinn couldn’t be more stressed but never said a word for fear of upsetting her mother who worked so hard on her behalf. Quinn couldn’t hang out with friends she had managed to make when she was younger anymore. Her mother always reminded her that low-level friends lead to a low-level life.

“Oh, baby, you don’t want us back in the projects again. If you keep talking to them girls they gonna drag you back there and then all our hard work would go down the drain.” Maggie said sweetly as she brushed Quinn’s hair.

Quinn remembers disagreeing in her mind but only told her mom she understood and said nothing. That night she blocked all her old friends and the next morning her mom arranged for her to have brunch with her new friends. Quinn thought her new friends were too much for her but she smiled, laughed, and hung out with them. She took pictures with them and uploaded them to her social media.

Her new friends helped her grow even more and Quinn would watch as the likes grew along with the comments. She watched as her followers shot up and her Dms grew with more messages. It made her mother so proud to see her thriving so much. It made her mother able to reach out and arrange more deals for her daughter. It made Quinn’s workload grow and so did her stress.

It was when Quinn was seventeen and she was signed to her first label that she was followed by the paparazzi to her car. It was the first time Quinn had experienced such anxiety and could barely get her hands to stop shaking so she could leave. Quinn broke the speeding limit that day and when she got home she broke down on the hall floor with her back to her door and had her first anxiety attack.

Quinn could remember feeling like she couldn’t breathe and that her heart would jump out of her chest at any given moment. It felt like it would never end and that she would die, and at that moment she wished she was dead. She didn’t want any of this and she wanted everything to stop but she knew that wasn’t going to happen. She knew that she would have to pick herself up before her mom got home and make herself look presentable.

It wasn’t the last anxiety attack she had and by the time she was eighteen, she would have them all the time. She would hide in her bathroom or the nearest one when they came and then she would stuff it all inside, look in the mirror, fix her makeup, and then go back out to where everyone was watching and waiting for her. To where her mother smiled and bragged about her and made her pose for the pictures and sign the covers of her mini-album.

And now at nineteen Quinn wondered if everything would slow down and stop. She stared into her mirror as she took in her face and body. It didn’t feel like it belonged to her and she hoped that the longer she looked it would, but it never did and that broke her even more. Quinn wanted it all to stop and to go back to when she was ten and playing in the mud with the other project kids, but there were no take-backs.

Quinn drew her eyes from the mirror and turned towards the bathroom door. She stared at the locked handle and knew she would have to unlock it and leave this space. She knew that right outside the door was her mother, waiting for her so that they could leave to the car waiting for them. Quinn knew that the moment she stepped out of the bathroom she would have to become the person her mother created.

Quinn took slow steps to the door and placed her hand on the handle. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before releasing it. She opened her eyes and twisted the handle, stepping out of the bathroom with her posture straight and a slight smile on her face. Quinn made eye contact with her mother, who was standing by the door with her jacket in her arms.

“Finally, if you had taken any longer I would have had to pick the lock.” Maggie laughed but Quinn could hear the threat behind those words. Quinn couldn’t make them late because it was bad for her appearance and that appearance kept clothes on Maggie’s back.

“Sorry, I wanted to make sure my hair was perfect.” Quinn said as her mother helped her into her jacket.

Maggie ran a hand down Quinn’s hair, “You’re as perfect as can be.”

The words might have come out sweet but Quinn only felt pressure from them but managed to keep her face clear of it. They left the hotel room and headed to the elevator, pressing the button to go down. It was less than a second before the doors opened and they entered the mental box playing horrible music.

On the way down Quinn kept the light smile on her lips so she didn’t show her resting bitch face. She went over in her mind how she was smile and make quick eye contact with flashing cameras. She went over how she would wave and walk slow enough to get good pictures but fast enough to not make them late. This was a process she went through every time she had to leave and go out in public. If she messed up her mother wouldn’t be too happy and she would lecture Quinn the moment she got the chance too.

When the elevator doors opened, Maggie stepped out fist followed by Quinn, who had a happy smile on her lips. She smiled towards the staff and towards some of the people that were taking pictures inside, but when she made it out the doors of the hotel it became chaotic. There were guards pushing people away and clearing a path for them to walk through.

Quinn did everything she was trained to do and tried her best to not let the loudness get to her. Quinn couldn’t be happier to make it to the car and have the door closed as she relaxed into the seat across from her mother. She still didn’t dare to drop her fake expression or her mother would scold her for looking mean or sad when there was no need to look that way. Everything was perfect according to Maggie and Quinn must show that everything was in order to get Maggie’s approval.

“That was great. I’m sure the magazines and blogs will have wonderful pictures tomorrow.” Maggie told Quinn with a bright smile as she pulled out her phone.

“I sure hope so.” Quinn responded lightly as she looked out the window and watched as the scenery around them began to change.

“Don’t just relax there! Start taking pictures and make sure to upload some snaps and Instagram videos. Oh! Make a few tweets too, baby. You gotta stay active or you’ll become a nobody and I didn’t work this hard for you to fade out.” Maggie told Quinn before going back to focusing on whatever was on her phone.

Quinn reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out her phone. It felt heavy in her hand as she took her time unlocking it before opening up her camera. She took several pictures with her smiling and making fake pouty faces before moving to edit them. She only changed the filter and made her skin seem smoother before she posted them to Instagram, all with a different caption.

She then went on to post on Snapchat and Twitter as well as responding to comments and texting her friends. She also had to make sure to like her friends’ posts on different social media and comment if needed. It was made Quinn want to snap her phone in half and toss it out the window. It made Quinn wish phones were never made and neither was the internet as she kept her expressions perfect even though she felt like screaming out crying.

_________

| unedited |

You can read faster updates on Tapas at Bylunarose!

Otherwise, updates will come every Monday! Xoxo

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***