Black and White Rainbow Bridge

It was once a rainbow, but now it’s all black and white. As I stood up here on this ginormous platform that was entirely made for me in this dark winter breeze, I slowly raised both my arms on the side and I was ready to fly.

The Rainbow Bridge in Tokyo Japan or officially known as Tokyo Bay Connector Bridge is both known for its beauty and accessibility with its massive pillar structures that are painted in white and breath-taking features that seem to be in unison with its nearby surroundings in daybreak and wears another set of glowing colorful clothing that made it outstanding at night. People use it mainly for convenience as its purpose is to connect the artificial islet of Odaiba to Central Tokyo. But this bridge was not made overnight. It took roughly six years to accomplish such a feat with all the planning, labor, time, and funds vested. Yet, without a doubt, it was a success.

For me, this served as a bridge for our more profound and intimate connection that was built through time. This was the place where I held dearly in my heart, for it was where we clearly connected and felt blissful warmth despite the chilly wind gushing every space, every corner of Tokyo.

Your confession equipped with the rose garden ended up to be a success. We steadily embraced for a long time. You were unaware, how tight your arms are around me as if you were terrified to let me go, but I couldn’t help and squirmed around your arms, and you noticed it at once, and slowly pushed me back. With your face all flushed and your eyes that slightly looked away and gained momentum to look at me back, you said, “That was too much of me, I was so happy that I couldn’t help myself. I never thought we can be together not just as your childhood friend…but this”

“I couldn’t be any happier too! It might be awkward right now; I hope we can treat each other the same way. But, please be nicer and less teasing please! I wouldn’t be able to understand you if you always tease me.” I said amusingly.

“I know you are a dummy! You can’t read between the lines.”, you mischievously replied.

“You, meanie!”

“Since it’s all my fault, let me make it up to you, do you trust me?”

“I DO!”, I answered without any second thoughts.

You firmly held my hand, and made a run to the first floor and there, a black Mercedes Benz car was parked as if I became a Cinderella in a real-life fairy tale. My coachman was waiting to take me to the ball, but the difference was, my prince already found me first. We took the car without any idea where we were heading.

After a couple of minutes, the car stopped right in front of a famous beauty salon Kayato Tokyo Salon and you turned to me and said, “I want you to be the most beautiful girl. You deserve this treat.” “Wait, you mean, I’m gonna have my makeover here! Just a haircut here will cost me my month’s food allowance! I won’t allow you!”, I snapped. “You don’t need to think of the price, everything is all on me. Aside from my parents help, I do earn a great deal from my photography studios and I told you to trust. Don’t go back on your words now.”

Before I could respond to you, you suddenly opened the car’s door and pulled me outside then, towards you meeting each other’s warmth once more. This time, you wrapped your arms around my waist, looked at me with your begging eyes and said, “Please, don’t refuse me again.” “Ok, you win, just for today.”

As we entered the salon, it was quite bizarre that no one but me was the customer there despite that it should be otherwise, since today is one of the most anticipated events for most people in Japan wherein many would dress up and make themselves fancy. Was it just me? I felt like everyone’s eyes were locked on me. “I see, she is the lucky one", said one of the cosmetologists. “What is this about?”, I whispered to you. You put your index finger onto my lips and said, “No more questions.” “Convince me that this salon is one of the best around” “Leave it to us!”

They found everything amusing and I on the other hand, was like a lost puppy not knowing what to react in this situation. “Girl, I’m going to turn your fairy tale come to life right now. You can call me Miki and here is my assistant Agnes.” “Yep, we will make you look gorgeous more than you can imagine.” “Thanks, I’m Aya by the way.” “Well, as your name suggests, you’re gonna be his one and only angel. Mr. Watanabe, please do wait in the lounge room. You don’t want to ruin the surprise, do you?”, inquired Miki. You closely leaned to Miki and mumbled something. Before you left, your eyes met mine, your lips drew a little bit upwards making that playful smirk of yours.

Miki started orchestrating her hands making sections of my long dark chocolate heavy waves turning them into one messy looking chignon making the general texture wispy that emphasized softness and elegance. “We’re not yet done, milady. We need to add the finishing touch.” Miki and her assistant added pearled hairpins creating a more romantic touch to my updo.

“Can’t wait to start the make- up part!’, exclaimed Agnes in ardently. I requested that my make up won’t be dramatically thick and horrifying that I feel like I’m going to be a part of those girls lurking at the dim sidewalks ready to take on their preys or some kind of horror film. “You think too much dear.”, she retorted. “We won’t let this fairytale turn into your nightmare.” We both chuckled at the remark. As per request, she made me look like a mysterious being gleaming but not overpowering, the top that has a tone that’s part of the night sky, in the midst, two light rosy sides were speaking of innocence, and at the bottom painted with velvety tint that seemed to create flower petals.

“Is this really me?” I mumbled. “Dear this is not the end. Agnes, take her to the dressing room.”, commanded Miki with full anticipation. “Here we go darling, I’m gonna help you put this one on.”, as Agnes handed the dress to me. It was a white off-shoulder slick dress that accentuated my wide collar bones, and provided an illusion that made me look even taller. As I stared at the mirror, I had never imagined that a simple make-over can lead to such drastic transformation.

“Oh my gosh! You are a jaw-dropping figure of the night,” with a fever pitch coming from Agnes. “Let’s take you to the waiting area. I’m sure he will definitely be stunned by your Goddess-like beauty.”

What kind of reaction would you make once you had a glimpse of me? It was all I could ever think about at that time. My anxiety struck over as I worried if I would ever get your approval. As I passively walked into the waiting room, looking down on the floor, evading your gaze, I heard footsteps coming towards me. You put your hands on my shoulders and said, “Words aren’t enough to describe you right now. Be confident, you are more beautiful than you think.” Slowly, with ample courage, I raised my head and this time, I deliberately looked at your expression. How could I possibly not understand how sincere you were.

Everything was so surreal. I was like an unarticulated syllable now screaming to be heard.

“Thanks. Now, if you’ll excuse us.”, you coolly uttered as you pulled my waist closer to you. We went back into the car and took a black cloth out and asked, “This is the real deal. You trust me on this one too, right?” After I nodded, you started tying the blindfold, slowly turned my head facing you and I felt your damp quivering lips touching my forehead and immediately pulling back. I covered my face with my hands and screamed with embarrassment, “What did you!”. You giggled uncontrollably and held my hand. “You are too cute. I just couldn’t help but to tease you just a little.”

A couple of minutes passed, and the car dropped us somewhere. You held my hand to assure me that everything was going to be fine since I was a little nervous especially, I had no idea where you were leading me.

“Are you ready?”, you inquired and I nodded in return. You removed my blindfold and when I opened my eyes, I saw a rainbow in the veil of the evening. It was not anything like the translucent one in the morning sun, it was clear, all its colors were shining so brightly like you. “Do you like the view?” “I’m at awe at everything right now. Even though, I feel somehow guilty for you spending so much for th...” Before I could finish my statement, you kissed my cheek to silence me. “Are you crazy, there’s so many people!” “Do you want another punishment?”

I felt so defeated that I just glared at you and sat down on a modern white luxury chair quietly. The dishes arrived one by one, every detail fastidiously placed, every color fully perceived, every flavor meant to stimulate one’s appetite. I took an enormous liking to their beef sirloin. Every slice was so effortless and its juice burst in every chew I made. “You seemed to be enjoying your food so much that you forgot about me. I guess you still love food over me.”, you said coldly. Almost choked by your words, I put my utensils down, and quickly gulped the wine instead of water and replied you, “I’m sorry you know me…I just”. You chuckled in return and continued to say, “Just kidding! Watching you amuses me so much.” “How many times do you have to tease me today?” We both almost lost it!

Before the day was coming to an end, you decided to take me to Tokyo Rainbow Bridge. As we sauntered on the deck of the bridge, it got chillier since the place was quite high and open. You removed your scarf and placed it on my shoulders, and held my hand as we continued. “I thought you’d feel cold.” “Thanks. I’m fine. How about you?”. “I’m fine as long as you are.”

Unexpectedly, the first winter snow made its appearance, a few, and gradually increased in number, before the night ended hovering the entire city with its white cold blanket. I caught one in my hand, and it melted.

Then, you instinctively lightly grabbed my shoulders, leaned closer to the side and whispered, “I love you, my angel.” Though overwhelmed by your confession, I acted calmly and replied bluntly, “You only think I’m lovely today because of my make-over.” “Regardless of your make-over, I still find you as the most beautiful person in the world. It won’t change. Not now, not tomorrow. Never. So, I want you to treasure and love yourself more.”

You leaned on my chest, turned your head sideways as if you were listening to my trembling heart. “I want to know everything that’s inside of you. Your thoughts, your heart, without any filters, just you.”

Chills shivered down my spine, as you gradually made a passage for your glossed lips to graze onto my collar bone, onto my neck, breathing every bit of scent on me, pausing later on. You carefully placed your left hand on my hips pulling me against you, and the right was lifted up, made to caress my face. Your hands, your body, your entirety was so warm, enough to make me forget the bone-chilling weather Tokyo had. We both closed our eyes and felt the moment. Both our senses were slipping through, breathing got even more painful than usual.

Without any signs of stopping, you raised my chin fully aware of the consequences, stared into my soul as if we were both seeking a warm refuge from this harsh season, and calculatedly made your lips contacted onto two cherry blossom petals of mine, enough to shudder not in fear, but of excitement and curiosity. Then, a natural reflex to close my eyes was all I could respond. There was a peck, then followed by continuous gentle assault. I tasted the sweetness of you as the sudden dive of your tongue, made its way into the opening of my mouth and interlocked with mine. Slowly round in circles, lost in time, and space, until we were both out of our breaths.

Silence reverberated in the air. No number of words were enough to describe such a refreshing feeling. Though we were in the midst of winter, I felt that spring had just begun.

But everything can change overtime.

All alone – as I slowly meandered along the once multicolored glittering bridge of love under the moonlight bliss - that has lost it purpose not a long time ago - reminiscing our dear memories that you never held dear of…it came across to me that if I accepted Hideki’s confession and went along with learning things about him deeply, I could have had learn to fall in love with him, maybe things won’t be disarray and painful as it is now. Maybe I could have lived a happy life with him. We would hold our wedding ceremony during sunrise by the bay, while the sea waves would cheer our love story. We would have had a dozen of kids, though difficult to raise, we would appreciate each other’s company as we struggle to survive daily. We would have witnessed our babies grow up, handle their puberty tantrums, their heartbreaking failures and successes, their own love stories that would lead to establishing their own families. We could be sitting in a rocking chair on the porch during the morning breeze watching over our grandchildren as we reminisce all our experiences together… together even if our memories become blurry and our bodies won’t be able to function as if they are not ours anymore… together until the day we can no longer hold each other’s hands.

I have never wished for anything grand but the simplicity of reciprocating my love. If not, maybe half of it might do. All I want is just to be with you. Is that too much to ask? But there are so many what ifs…what ifs that are just as it is – impossible. God, why did the man I loved cause a great tragedy in my life? Am I not deserving of real and undivided love? What have I done for you to punish me like this? Why not punish him instead of me? If human emotions are this fragile, why do we even have to fall in love? Isn’t it better not to feel anything anymore? Why do we even have to undergo a kind of suffering that feels like it is as good as death?

Yes, in death, perhaps I can find peace and don’t have to carry this heaviness anymore… “Huh…this is inevitable”. As I was preparing to soar to the depths of eternal peace, I heard something behind me relentlessly yapping, intentionally calling my attention.

How come in this hour?! For some reasons, I couldn’t help myself but not to ignore it. It sounded just like me from the inside, helpless but a part of me didn’t want to end this soon. When I turned around, a fluffy white angel came to me and started jumping on me. I held it in my arms, and it started licking my face as if it is telling me to stop crying, that it will be okay, comforting me in any possible way it could. It was so warm. It was that time, I felt that I wasn’t alone, that I am needed.

God is this your way of stopping me? You are a cheeky one indeed.

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