the big bang instro"

once there was a girl with nothing to lose nothing to gain she was a skale moving through time and just a shadow in what people call life ... she was reincarnated 360 times and her spirit is reborn into darkness everytime but she doesn't remember anything about her past lifes or about her curse . when she is reborn she is extremely poor and goes through alot of pain from the time she is birthed that makes her resent people and life but as soon as she turns 18 her curse awakens then she goes crazy and remembers all her past lives and commits suicide on her 20th birthday at the exact time she was born.

03 October is the date when she is birth and 03 October is when dies exactly at 11:11am.

her first 18 years of memory before she was reborn for the first time is lost ...forever taken by the gods to give her the freedom to make her own path and choose good or bad . she struggles alot with emotions and she has never fell inlove nore has she found a fallen angel like her.

she prays to god and hopes for a better life a better her ...she prays for salvation and a chance to be herself and be good for people but she finds herself shattered and without direction she feels lost and roams around on earth ...she asks god what she did to deserve all this badluck and misfortune when she is a kind and good soul that never hurts others on purpose ...

she starts to resent god and everything...she hates herself more because it feels like everything happening is because she is unworthy.

03 October 2002

a little girl named Tasneem is born with a mother who is not really there for her but only cares about herself and her other two kids ..a father that is in prison since the day she was born but has a secret background.

her life goes on and as a child she was bullied by her older and younger siblings they let her clean and do everything. they were quite poor and didn't have much her mother would always call her badluck and a good for nothing waste of money and said that she is the reason why her mother has to live in such bad and poor places and that she is so ugly her father rejected her.Her mother always said she would never find love or any warmth from anyone....that she would never amount to anything nore succeed in any of her dreams .....

as it seems she is going to die alone cold and hungry with nobody who cares for her.

she raised herself from a young age and taught herself to read and write even to cook . Her mother would let her wash every part of the small house and clean the dishes ...wash washing. She would let her wash and sleep outside and somedays she wouldn't even feed tasneem .

Tasneem was smart and kind even if she had nothing she would give the little food she had to homeless people to help them even when she needed help too ...she would never ask anyone for anything because she never wanted to be a burden to anyone . she also hurt herself alot by cutting her wrists and banging her head against walls until it bleeds she would choke and hit herself she hated herself so much she was so depressed fell deeper into the dark hole and found weed she would try to drink handfuls of pills to die but she wouldn't die just sleep and then wake up throwing the pills up.

she would do small jobs for people around there yards to earn a little money to buy herself and other homeless clothes and canned foods and she would eat mostly out of bins behind rich people's homes or even supermarkets.

her family hated her so much they considered her a poor basterd maid and not just her mom and two siblings but her grandmother and aunts too she felt so alone that even on school she had no friends and bad things would happen to her on a daily she would never have a good day and even at school she was bullied nobody on earth cared for her and she never had a father to make her feel safe or wanted and she doesn't know anything about him , only that his in prison and is far away . she always wanted to know who he is and the other half of her family but everytime she would ask her mother about it her mother would beat her until she can't move ...she was use to it but some how when it was about her father her mother became more ruthless but she didn't bother to ask alot she was helpless because how would she get to him to tell him with tears in her eyes that even if he couldn't provide for her ....even if he doesn't love or want her all she wants is just a hug filled with warmth and comfort even just for a little while ....just that would settle his debts owed to her for not being there in her life.

she is presently 17 and she starts to fall into a darker state of depression and her hair starts falling out and she barely sleeps or eats but she still smiles and sees the beauty of the world but at the same time sees all the bad . She starts dreaming about her killing herself and every night its a different way so she just doesn't sleep and her school work starts to slip and she becomes skinny and smokes weed to sleep without dreaming and she drinks dark liquor and drowns into the feeling of being in the reach of being almost okay her mother doesn't even care that she is never home and she doesn't go home for weeks... and weeks turns into months and even almost a year. When she goes back she finds out that her whole family was killed and she doesn't care she just lives on the street "those people were never my family we were just passer byers they never really meant anything to me nore did i to them" . she takes care of homeless kids with no parents and she is about to turn 18 so its about to all collapse.

few months before her 18th birthday in the early days of july she is walking the streets alone the homeless kids are now in a foster home and people would throw her with stones screaming she is a jinx and bad things happen because of her and that she can't die because she is a living curse.

Later on in the week she gets stopped on the street and a man asked her where a place is but when he showed her the address she saw it was her old homes address and she knew something was wrong because this man was clearly rich he had a suit on and drove an expensive car so she said that she doesn't know where that street is and he was insightful and said "how can a begger not know how to navigate the streets and you live around here so you must know" ...she was shocked at his words and started to really worry because she thought he might be danger and now she realizes he is danger ...she then walks on and says that she use to be rich but her family lost everything and she hitch hiked to this town and now she's stuck .

she thought that her words would chase him off but then he replied by saying " oh well you help me find the house and I'll give you a ride to wherever you need" . she got so mad and thought why does this man see through all her lies and she replies by saying she doesn't need his help she is a stubborn and proud person she would rather work to earn money to go to where she needs and walks off and says he should leave her now . He screams before he drives off that if she was once rich why would she want to work for what she has and not jump on his lap as an rich girl with nothing would.

he drives off and an hour after his gone she goes to her old house to see what it is they want with it but as soon as she gets to the corner of her old house 5 expensive mafia looking cars circle her and armed men get out and takes her and blind folds her she starts to panic and scream but a voice says " if you stop screaming i promise i won't hurt you ever"

she pretends to pass out and tries to see through the bag and she tries to smell or hear anything that could help her find her way home or identify where she is ...she listens to there conversations and there accents and slang.she has nothing and it seems that the car is sound proof she starts to try and untie her rope ...she can feel them looking at her and the same voice says "its clear you didn't pass out and that you are trying to untie your rope but let me help you with it ...it must be on tight or wait let me take it off ...sorry about the blindfold we can't let out our location until we can trust you so i hope you understand...and if you don't mind me saying you actually don't look homeless and you dress and sit well for someone that lives on the street you really are her aren't you tasneem"

Her heart starts to pound and she thinks how does. he know so much and how does he know her and what do they want with her ...she asks with a strong and firm voice "are you the guy from earlier and what do you want with me when my family is obviously dead and if they had debts i have nothing to do with them i wasn't even part of their family i was just an outsider to them" he doesn't say anything and the car stops and they all get out she is taken to a room and untied they leave the blindfold on and she takes it off after hearing the door close and lock .

She immediately rips off her blind fold and the first thing she sees is a really big and beautiful room there's clothes on the bed with a note "take a nice bath and put these on" she then baths and cleans up then she finds food on her bed with a note "I'll explain tonight why you're here" she waits anxiously for the night to come she eats the food and sleeps till night comes but because she hasn't slept in a good bed in a while she sleeps deeply and for the first time she feels safe and happy.

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