Hurt

"Why are you're grades so low? Why are you not pretty? Why do you keep studying? See that girl? She's pretty because she sleeps early, what about you? Stop playing games all the time... Be better... Fit in"

"Words cut deeper than a knife"

It hurts, everyday being told you're not good enough or just do this or that better. "You're good, but try to improve". It's like you're not doing your best already. At the first few criticisms, you feel fine and try to improve. But you don't understand, what you thought was gone; wasn't. Every time you remember, it's like the knife got bigger, the arrow was faster and stronger. Not knowing, the wound festers until one day, you just break down. You cry in your bed trying so hard so that other people wouldn't hear. It wasn't because you were afraid they'd wake up, it was because you don't trust them enough to let them see this side. This side that hurts, cries and mourns. This side that wanted to be hugged, cherished, and loved.

They act as if nothing happened. As if they didn't hear you. Nothing changes even after months. They thought you stopped crying because it was quiet and you were smiling recently; you didn't. You just learned that covering your nose with a cloth can stop sounds from going through. This time, you felt pity for yourself because, even though you fantasized that they would come knocking the door a million times, they never did. You would imagine that you're father would come knocking and when he realises that the door is locked, he would open it with a key. Once unlocked, you pretend to cry in your sleep. Then, he'd wake you up and hug you until you stop and calm down. If only it would ever happen. You know that it will never happen, but your hopes are always up.

In the day, you wake up late. Your mom is reminding you, for what feels like the millionth time, to help your brother take a bath. You do what she says and eat a light breakfast. Then you remember you have a lot of school work to finish today since it's the deadline. You rush upstairs and cram everything in 4 hours. Then your brother asks you to do the dishes since he has exams. You reluctantly, clean the dishes and after, you feel tired. So you lie down in the bed and play with you're phone. When your father comes to check up on you, he catches you lying down on your bed and give you a face that says 'lazy'. You don't say anything for fear that he will be angry. You silently put your head down and go to study. You feel like you've read everything yet understand nothing. "What has my life become?"

Thank you for reading!!! This is me ranting my feelings to the online world in hopes to know if I'm the only one experiencing this or are there any unfortunate souls out there who wish to be seen and heard yet they do the exact opposite.

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