EP3

-Continue...-

When we were about to go home while I was walking home I though it would be okay , But it wasn't because suddenlt someone threw and egg at me and after that a car approached me and poured water on me, I had nothing to do and while there was nothing If I could do it , I was stopped while walking and I bowed down slowly , while i bowed down I heard the laugh of the students at me.

It took 10 minutes to stop from walking home.

When I wss near our house I saw my dad with his friend and when he saw me he suddenly stood up and while I was just standing outside our door , when he came closer to me I couldn't straight stare at my dad.

I'm scared of dad since I was a kid , everything I do he criticizes , one mistakes is already his sin , when I do something right he ignores me and he just gets mad at me more , I can't think why he just like that , he is so angry with me even though he is ashamed of me , he is always comparing me to other people , just for a small thing I am already hurt and even if you are joking and say the painful words it is still painful for me because this is me and if in the opinion others of i need to change but i know in myself that I should not change anything.

Because 'This is me'.

While dad was approaching me , I suddenly bowed down because of the fear I felt, and he asked me wealky why I am look like this ? and my answer to him that while I was bending down , "Because d-dad....*because of my fear , I almost stutter while talking* because d-d-ad ... e'm my class-ma-tes..*I'm not yet done explaining , he already started it with anger and blame* he said " You know !! no mattee what school you go to , you always fight ,why don't you fix your life!! why don't you imitate your siblings who have high grades and have talent!! If i knew you'd be like that , I wish you wouldn't have lived!!! you pass at the back , you're embrassing if you're going to show my friends that you like that , be ashamed!!" , I had nothing to sat and I just did what my dad told me.

at the back I passed up and wento to my room , my tears that I was trying to prevent from falling , when I closed the door of my room , my tear feel down. I'm silently always crying because dad might hurt me again if he hears me crying.

Whenever I want to explain it to my dad so that he can understand my situation , but whenever I am in front of him , I feel restless and I don't know what to do , I am suddenly trembling with fear and the bear of my heart fast and my mouth seems to not talk because of the fear I feel , whenever I think of the things I want to do but when I do it , it's so hard.

I once though that's why dad is like that to me , everything he says is also for my future , si it's fine with me , but after a while , I think is it right for him to tell his own child that I'm useless and that is not I'm the only one who lived in this world.

I wanted to say that,

I never wanted to live in this world if you were going to my parents , I didn't want to live , I hope from the beginning you didn't even think about living me if you treated me as if I wasn't your child , all my life I didn't wish to birth in this world , i will ask for but to be loved of the father.

as I cried I didn't notice that my eyes were slowly closing , because of crying I fell asleep with my pillow almost wet, while hugging my teddt bear that I was just one year old when my dad gave it to me , that's what happened with his smile and truly love for me , If only I could go back to my childhood I wish this time will not come , that when I wake up one day everything will change.

As I get older, i see reality more than when I was young , I did nothing but to be happy and not to think about what other people are saying to me , their Judgments that I don't seem to understand , that's why I just keep on doing smiling, but those smiles , it seems now slowly disaplearing and being replaced by sadness.

It is really painful to see and know the truth especiallt while it is being shown to you that you are not yet ready , you don't know what to do.

whenever dad is angry with me , he always brings me to the basement where when the night comes , the light disappears and it seems that I am always with the darkness.

The First Time they put me in the basement...

-To be continue..-

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***