Too Normal

...****************...

I awoke upon my bedroom floor shivering and in pain.

Getting up i can see that my feet was coated in blood and mud.

Every part of my body ached in pain and i felt as though I would crumble with every touch

Stumbling over to the mirror i examined to length of my wounds. I took what remained of the shirt i was wearing along with the shorts off, then, I was finally able to see all the cuts and bruises surrounding my frail body.

Cherry red bruises were very noticeable around my wrist where he had held when he pounced upon my fragile body to strangle me.

My waist and abdomen bore signs of his chain which had wrapped around my body to drain my life when he caught me

My neck was red and scratched as a result of this sharp clawed like nails and his strangulation.

I really thought I was dreaming but these marks proved otherwise.

I closed my eyes and reopened them over and over but nothing happened so I guess this was all real.

Huge drops of hot sticky tears rolled down my cheek as I stood a few minutes more infront of the mirror staring blankly at myself

I couldn't stand there anymore looking at this person, I couldn't stand the sight of all these external wounds carved in the flesh of this person who reflected in the mirror with tear stained cheek and muddied face.

Turning around, i headed to the shower to wash away everything as I prayed silently in my mind that it will all disappear when I am finished.

I prayed his face would stop showing up in my head and his voice would stop ringing in my ears.

" No, No, No ... this can't be real, none of this is real. Wake up Jade... Wake up"

I tried so hard to make everything disappear as I soaked in the bath and closed my eyes but I kept having flashed of the somewhat dream again and again.

In this dream i'm running, his voice is like a thunder which send waves of chills within my soul, his chain dragging and searching the darkness for me, the endless woods becoming denser as the trees laugh, the creatures scurrying away in fear, the full blood moon in the sky red as blood, me stumbling and falling over and over again as my heart pounds in my chest, the thoughts rushing through my mind from every direction, the adrenaline masking my the pain of my wounds, me being caught and tortured, the taste of the blood in my mouth, his laughter, the sound of my heart beating in fear

Beating!

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP

I choke on the blood in my mouth...

gurgle! gurgle! gurgle

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

I shot my head above the water gasping for breath as I tried to grasp my thoughts.

I was seconds away from death, almost drowning in the bathtub.

I spat the water I had digested out and took huge breaths to recuperate.

What was I thinking?

One minute I was soaking in the warmth of the water, the next I was back in that terrible place and then I catch myself almost drowning.

I needed to clear my thoughts before I bring more harm to myself.

I needed to treat my wounds now since I'm all cleaned up and can see them clearly so I headed to medicine cabinet after dressing.

...****************...

It was now past three in the morning when I was finished dressing my wounds.

I lied on my bed staring blankly at the shadows cast upon the ceiling as I tried to put together all the time I was missing.

From waking up in class unaware of how I got there... The only thing I remembered was getting to bed and feeling like I was having a nightmare

To running in a mysterious forest whilst being chase by a weird guy after clearly heading to bed.

This was beyond strange and confusing. My head ache from focusing too much on these mysteries and I didn't want to fall asleep in fear something weird would happen again.

Grandpa and I will be heading to visit my family today and pay our respects and Grandma said she would accompany us.

This would be the first time I will visit them after they got buried. I owed it to them to visit and it was about time I did.

knots grew in my stomach so I rolled on my side ignoring how much it hurt and cupped my tummy as I moaned for it to stop

I was now sobbing loudly unaware of how long it was when I felt someone rubbing my back to comfort me.

I didn't want to turn around to see who it was. I just wanted them to continue because it made me feel better, but, I still wanted to cry myself a river.

" Let it all out sweetheart, you need this. Let it out, don't be afraid."

I crept into their lap and sobbed like the world was ending and this hand was my anchor bringing me comfort.

"When you look to to the sky,

open your eyes,

open your heart,

this road is just a start.

I am there with you,

there at your side,

no matter how far away,

there's no need to hide your pain.

Let it flow, let it flow, let it pour like rain,

there's a raging storm within

so you shouldn't try to hide from it

the sky will be your limit.

Just looks and you will see

nothing is as it may seem

but you will shine like jade

and be Free! Free! Free!"

~song title: Jade~

It was as if an angel was singing. The halo seemed to lift me up and pull all impurities from within.

The tears pouring out was all the pain I had pocketed over the years and with each sob I felt the of catharsis.

Hearing 'Jade', the song my mom had composed for me when I was having nightmares, made me feel her presence.

She took me as her own daughter not once making me feel otherwise and sung that song every night to comfort me.

Her voice was like that of an angel which didn't sound like her at all, so, who was singing this song?

Who was here comforting me?

I fell into a deep sleep as I closed my eyes and sob. whomever the person was I didn't want to open my eyes for I fear they would disappear

If I kept them closed maybe this dream could last and that was enough. That was more than enough for me.

I woke up feeling much better and looked around as the sunlight touched every corner of my room illuminating it.

I made my way downstairs leisurely.

Grandpa was reading the morning paper whilst Grandma was getting breakfast ready.

They seemed normal, maybe too normal or was it just me overthinking everything after all these all the abnormalities took place.

Much has been going on with me over the past few days yet still they look extremely normal.

" You seem stressed sweetheart, is it because you're thinking too much about the accident?"

I was looking down at my breakfast unaware of how it suddenly appeared and everyone was eating also.

Grandma touched my arm from where she sat and worry shine in her eyes when she looked at me.

" It's nothing, I'm just feeling a little blue this morning." I brushed it all away. It was best i said nothing for now.

"You don't have to keep anything in darling. I know it's hard on you and I will do everything I can to make it all easier."

"No one expect you to deal with this like a grown up and crying doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger and heal better."

"It was you, wasn't it?"

She looked at me puzzled at the words i just spoke but quickly picked it up and grasped what I was saying.

"I felt like you needed it, it's now how your mom would do it but I tried my best."

"It was amazing. I think you sound just like her"

"Thank you, for doing that."

The smile on my grandma's face was priceless. Over the years we had been very distant but for the first time she seemed to be letting me in and it felt wonderful.

I don't blame her because she had been grieving her daughter's death and her grandchildren, her actual grandchildren.

She would look at me like I was a curse in her family and seemed quite disappointed I was the only survivor but she never once said anything mean to me.

After a few attempts to talk to her I finally let it go with grandpa drowning the lonesomeness.

We spent so much time together that she grew smaller and smaller in my mind until she was all but invisible.

For the rest of breakfast we talked about what we would do to improve future relationship between the three of us.

Grandpa only exchanged a few word and let me and Grandma bond a bit more. There was laughter, love in the air and everything felt homely and normal.

I help her with the dishes because our conversation was still ongoing.

There was so much to Grandma that I had never knew because we never got the chance to get to know each other better.

She was very much like mom, even in appearance. They almost looked identical.

"Care to talk about the marks all over your body?"

I dropped the plate I was drying at the sudden shock that the change of conversation brought me.

"I'm unsure how I got them, but believe me I would never self harm myself."

With the cat out of the bag i felt i should continue even if it sounded insane or she doesn't believe me.

"I have been having these strange dreams that seemed real but it's very hard to explain. I found these marks on my body this morning and I was muddy all over ...."

Nothing I said surprised her, she just seemed calm and understanding.

She helped me clean shards of ceramic of the floor and kept quiet then she looked up at me and smiled but it was a pained smile.

She stretched her arms out to caressed my cheek.

"We will talk about it when we return from paying respect to your family, Okay."

she walked away leaving me with more questions as to what was happening to me and why did nothing i say seemed strange to her.

By noon we were all packed into the car on our way to the resting place of my family.

The radio was playing and we were all singing out of sync to the music trying to lift the mood.

It was a fifteen minutes drive so I sang along dismissing all my worries and the guilt of not visiting them before.

I had a feeling this trip would begin to answer most of my questions and that these two people knew much about what was going on and why I was loosing time and my sanity.

I knew things were too normal for all the abnormalities that was surrounding me and there was no way I would dismiss everything.

If my dreams are real then my life is not simple and I may be part of something bigger than myself.

The man that was torturing me felt familiar so was he actually trying to help me recollect something or harm me?

Is he good or bad?

How much trust should I put in him?

Remember who I am (who am I?)

Remember where I came from (my history lies between my biological parents and my adopted parents)

Find myself ( how am I meant to do that)

Look deep and hard (for what?)

Search for what you lost (so I had lost something, but what is the something?)

Don't give up but give in to the true you (The true me, what does that mean?)

Remember everything (That should be the first clue. I have forgotten something important.)

"Don't block it out child... remember, Remember who I am and what I can do for you, remember my name and all will become clear."

"Then you will finally be able to let me in. A war is coming and you are unprepared for it. If you don't start now this world and yours will be lost to despair and the people may never remember who you are, what you can do or what exist beyond this world."

If he wanted to kill me he would have already done so but how am I supposed to remember him if I can't see his face?

How did I loose my memories?

A war.. what war?

what does this war have to do with me?

I am unprepared?

Are my grandparents supposed to prepare me?

If not, then who?

Were my parents and adopted parents preparing me before they all failed?

We arrived finally at our destination and my hands sweat profoundly.

I was nervous and It was very obvious because I was shivering now.

Time to face them at long last

My journey begins the moment I exit this car.